We'll Get By, But We Don't Know How
by ThatGreenElephant
Summary: Lydia Carmichael-stripper, ex junkie, Castiel's old love, and now a hunter. But when Sam comes back, she finds that being a hunter is harder than she thought, and her feelings for Cas still remain. Sequel to "IWFYITD" and follows season 6.
1. Back in the Saddle Again

** (A/N)-Hey guys! I'm back! Welcome to the sequel of "I Will Follow You Into the Dark"! I probably won't be able to update as often as I would like, but I figured, we're halfway through hellatus, might as well post! I actually don't know how this story will end-the end of season 6 threw me for a loop-so I'm trying to time it so I don't have to post the final chapters until after season 7 starts. Um, yeah, that's about it. If you guys want a REALLY good Cas/OC story, go check out Maat's profile, because let me tell you, her OC Eli is kick-ass, and it's just a great series of stories. Seriously, go read it. Thanks for sticking around for the sequel, and I hope you guys enjoy "We'll Get By But We Don't Know How". (And, as always, I don't own Supernatural or any of the songs I use as titles.)**

"Djinns."

"That's easy!" Lydia Carmichael rolled her eyes. "Knife dipped in lamb's blood."

Bobby Singer narrowed his eyes from across the table. Lydia simply smirked and leaned back in her chair. She motioned at the shot glasses sitting in front of him. "Your turn. Bottom's up."

"Damn girl…" Bobby reached for one of the shots and downed it quickly as he could. "Just remember, I know more than you ever will."

Lydia snorted in the most un-ladylike way possibly. "Yeah right, old man. You're losing your touch." She was bluffing, and they both knew it. There was no way she knew more about supernatural creatures then he did, but it was still part of the fun.

"Your turn, wise ass." Bobby shot back at her.

Lydia thought for a second, twirling her now-short and jet-black hair. "Um… rugaru."

"Burn it." Bobby cracked a smile and motioned for her to drink one of the shots, a smirk lighting up his face. "Your turn. Bottom's up."

Lydia took the shot, still smiling, even though Bobby was clearly mocking her. She had to admit, a drinking game was a strange method to quiz her on how to kill different creatures, but that was Bobby's way of teaching, so Lydia never complained. And either way, they both got drunk by the end of the night. It was a win-win situation for both of them. So back and forth they went, trying to stump each other.

"Ghosts?"

"Salt and burn. Shapeshifter?"

"Nothing special. A bullet'll do it. Werewolf?"

"Silver bullet. Wendigo?"

"Fire. Zombie?"

"Silver." Bobby stopped and stared at Lydia before slowly saying, "Trickster?"

Lydia froze-a major brain fart was in progress. She couldn't for the life of her remember how to kill a Trickster. Oh well, blame it an the alcohol.

"I dunno!" Lydia admitted defeat, much to Bobby's delight.

Bobby handed her three shot glasses, glee etched all over his face. "Wooden stake to the heart. Drink up, buttercup."

Lydia took all three shots, wincing as the alcohol raced down her throat. That was the game; they would go back and forth testing each other. Each time the person being quizzed got it right, the person who asked took a shot. Whenever they were stumped-that person was always Lydia-that person had to take three shots. It was unconventional at best, but after a month of living at Bobby's, conventional had no meaning.

Lydia looked up at the clock, blinking a few times as the room started spinning. "Shit, I gotta go!" Lydia stood up and almost fell over, scrambling to get to her bedroom.

"Where're you going?" Bobby called after her. By the sound of his voice, he was just as buzzed as she was.

Lydia almost fell to the floor as she was getting into her miniskirt. "Where do ya think? Work!"

Almost two minutes later, Lydia was racing down the stairs, struggling to put her boots on. Bobby took one look at her and said with an unmistakable slur in his voice, "I thought I told you to give up that stripping shit!"

Lydia racked her brain and found that she couldn't remember if he did or didn't. Whatever. "No you didn't!" Lydia protested. "You said to stop if it didn't bring home any money!"

"I did no such thing!" By the time Bobby had finished his sentence, Lydia had slammed the door behind her and was getting into one of the many cars in the junkyard. Probably wasn't the greatest decision, but she and Bobby hadn't used strong alcohol. They were just buzzed, not drunk. Lydia started the car, and after doing her makeup quickly, she pulled out of the driveway and was on the road to the local strip joint.

It was hard to believe how much her life had changed in only a month. After coming back to Bobby's after Sam went to hell, Lydia was in her own personal hell. Cas had ditched her, Dean was off living with his girlfriend and her kid, Sam was gone, and Bobby was without a soul. Not that it had mattered to her when she got there; Lydia was as high as a kite when she found herself on Bobby's doorstep. After that, it was a giant blur. The next time Lydia woke up, she was downstairs in the panic room, Bobby yelling about detox or something. And true to his word, she detoxed, right there in the panic room. It was even worse than the first time, but it had worked, and after a week, Lydia was back and more determined then ever to become a hunter.

Lydia winced as she pulled into the parking lot of the strip joint, not looking forward in the slightest to go in there. This place was even worse than Rick's place, but after Bobby was yelling at her one night to pull her own weight, Lydia had gotten a job here, at Dave's. Dave, the man himself, was a womanizing dick, but if it paid the bills, it paid the bills. Besides, this was just a side job; hunting is what Lydia engrossed herself in. It almost became an obsession for her, reading about demons, shooting the target in the backyard, finding out about vampires and shapeshifters and every other type of creature. There was nothing left for her in the world, so she might as well kill some evil shit before she kicked the bucket. Part of it, she assumed, was spite. She had promised Castiel that she wouldn't ever get involved in the life of a hunter, but Cas had gone back on his word. She was going back on hers to. He hadn't come down from heaven since that night in May, but Lydia had a feeling that he would eventually come back to Earth and see what she had been doing for the past month. In a way, it felt good, imagining what a rise she could get out of him when he found out what she was doing.

Lydia went into the club, did what she had to do, and came out six hours later with a few hundred bucks in her pocket. It felt so freaking good, actually having money, but that club always made her feel like she needed to bathe in Holy Water. She drove back to Bobby's, pulling into the driveway at almost three in the morning. When she got into the house, Bobby was asleep at his desk. Lydia crept upstairs and locked the bathroom door, stripping her clothes off and staring at her naked figure in the mirror, her back in particular. Bobby had made her get an anti-possession tattoo, and she had chosen to get it on her lower back, like a tramp stamp. It was kind of unique and pretty, in a weird, demented sort of way, so she didn't really mind it. Staring at her reflection almost always gave Lydia the creeps; most people probably wouldn't have recognized her. She had lost even more weight after going through withdrawal again, but Lydia was slowly starting to gain weight back and looked almost like a healthy normal being. Her skin was on its way to improvement, the bags under her eyes were gone, her hair was in a bob and black, and muscle was starting to develop. Her eyes, however, were dark and devoid of emotion. She had tried to keep it that way since coming to Bobby's, tried to keep herself as detached from everything and everyone as possible.

She knew Bobby would probably yell at her for showering this late at night-the pipes in the house were as loud as all hell-but Lydia felt disgusting. She stepped in the warm water and let the smell of the club wash off of her. After a while, Lydia turned off the water and dried off. There was no need to dry her hair-her hair dried as straight as a pin, and Bobby had no need to own a hair dryer-so Lydia just put on one of Bobby's old flannel shirts and a pair of shorts. She had gone back to her old apartment in Iowa to get her old clothes and belongings, but she still liked the way the plaid shirt felt. Collapsing on her bed, Lydia fell asleep almost instantly. That was the usual routine of her life now, living at Bobby's, and she liked it. That was her last thought as she fell asleep…

"Lydia!"

Lydia groaned and opened her eyes, surprised when sunlight streamed through her windows. It felt like she had just shut her eyes, but apparently she _had_ fallen asleep. Looking at the alarm clock next to her bed, she saw that it was only nine in the morning. She rolled over with the intention of going back to sleep-six hours was _so_ not enough…

"Lydia! Get your ass out here!"

Lydia groaned again and stood up, rubbing her eyes and yawning as she did so. She slowly walked downstairs, grumbling and cursing Bobby under her breathe. What was so freakin' important that it couldn't wait until noon…?

And that's when she saw Sam Winchester standing in the kitchen.


	2. Shark in the Water

** (A/N)-Welcome to the second chapter of "WGBBWDKH"! It's great to be back-I missed writing about Lydia and Cas, really and truly-and I'm so encouraged by the response I got from y'all. So thank you all for reading, and to my reviews: you all are 9 levels of awesome. (And I don't own Supernatural, blah blah blah, you know the drill)**

It took Lydia a few seconds to process what-namely, who-was right in front of her. Sam Winchester. Back from the dead. It didn't make sense. How could he be…?

Bobby looked just as confused as Lydia was. Sam, on the other hand, smirked at the pair.

"Guys, I know it's unexpected, but it hasn't been _that_ long…" Sam said, acting like his return from the cage wasn't a big deal. He looked solely at the elder hunter. "How ya doing, Bobby?"

Bobby didn't give a verbal response; he stared at Sam for a few seconds longer before giving the boy a hug. Sam's expression didn't change and only returned the hug at the last second.

"It's…great to see you, Sam." Bobby looked at Sam up and down, still looking like he couldn't believe it.

"Yeah, you too, Bobby." Sam turned his gaze on Lydia. "You're still living here?"

Lydia couldn't help but snort. "Well, hello to you to…"

Sam smiled a bit-a small, controlled smile. "Hi Lydia! How are you?" he asked with biting sarcasm.

"I'm great! How are you? How was hell?" Lydia immediately shot some of her own sarcasm back. They weren't being nasty to each other, but Lydia didn't know what else to do. Sam was her friend, but she hadn't known him well enough like Bobby had.

Sam didn't seem to take offense. "Wouldn't exactly give it five stars…"

"Well, no shit!" Bobby snapped. "How the hell are you _back_!"

Sam shrugged simply. "I dunno."

Bobby sighed. "Not this shit again…" He rubbed his eyelids in frustration. "Do ya think another angel pulled you out?"

"Doubt it." Sam remarked. He rolled up both of his sleeves and revealed his bare shoulders. "Nothing. No handprints, no nerd in a trench coat, no raising from perdition." He looked back at Lydia. "I'm really sorry about Cas. Shame that Lucifer killed him. I tried to get control over him, I really did, but he just exploded, I couldn't stop it…"

Lydia held up her hand to stop him. "What are you talking about? Cas is alive."

"He is?" Sam said shortly. Lydia nodded. "But I felt Lucifer kill him. I saw the whole thing…I thought you were dead!" Sam looked at Bobby, his voice oddly calm, despite what he was saying.

Bobby shook his head. "No boy, I'm fine. Cas is too. He healed me, brought me back."

"Well who brought him back?"

"God." Lydia interrupted the two hunters. When the glanced back at her, she continued. "That's what he told me, at least. I don't know for sure."

Sam nodded, taking in the information. "Hey, it's possible, I guess." Smirking again, he added, "How are you and angel boy, anyway?"

"We're not." Lydia tried to keep the shaking in her voice under control. "It ended right after you went to hell."

Sam gave her a sympathetic look, but he really didn't sound all that sympathetic. "Oh. Sorry about that. I'm actually pretty surprised. You guys always seemed good together, y'know?"

Lydia nodded slowly, her eyes avoiding the two men in the room, focusing on nothing in particular. "Yeah, I guess."

"Can we please do this later?" Bobby said irritably. "I kind of want to figure out why Sam is in my kitchen right now."

"I do too," Sam replied. "I don't remember anything, Bobby. Nothing. I just remember jumping into the pit, then I remember waking up somewhere in Detroit."

"How long have you been on Earth?" Bobby asked.

Sam shrugged. "I dunno. About a month."

"A month!" Bobby's eyes were wide with disbelief. Sam nodded nonchalantly. "And you didn't think about calling me? Or coming here sooner? Were you with your brother or something? How come he hasn't called me either?"

"I dunno," Sam shrugged again. "You'll have to ask him about that. I haven't seen him."

"You haven't?" Lydia was surprised, considering how close the brothers were. "Why not? Dean would go apeshit if he knew you were alive and didn't tell him. He would be thrilled to know you were alive _period_."

"Yeah, maybe." Sam's words seemed cold and detached. "But he has a family now. As far as he knows, I'm dead, and I'm going to keep it that way. He can go live his apple-pie life, and I'll just do my own thing."

Lydia opened her mouth-she was really surprised, this didn't seem like something Sam would say-but Bobby beat her to it. "Well, that's just plain stupid. You gotta tell him sometime."

"I will!" Sam protested. "I will. I promise. But for right now, I just want to stay separated, that's all." He looked between Bobby and Lydia critically. "And that means you can't tell Dean, got it?"

"But…"

"You. Cannot. Tell. Dean." Sam said firmly. "I'll be fine without him, and he'll be happier without me. You gotta trust me on this one."

The look on Bobby's face said it all; he wasn't happy about this, but Lydia could tell that he wouldn't tell Dean. "Okay, fine. We won't say nothin'." Bobby then added, "So if you haven't been with Dean the past month, where _have_ you been?"

Sam sighed. "You wouldn't believe me."

"Try me, kid."

"Samuel." Sam said simply. The name meant absolutely nothing to Lydia, but it sure looked like it meant something to Bobby.

"Your grandpa?" Sam nodded as Bobby talked. "Your _dead_ grandpa?"

"The very same." Sam confirmed. "Like I said, I don't know how. We guessed that whoever brought me up brought him down. We just stumbled across each other and I've been hunting with him and that whole side of the family."

Bobby nodded slowly, obviously trying to take in all of this information. "Huh." He walked to the counter and started pouring himself a drink. "Alright, if you want to hunt with them, hunt with them. I won't tell your brother anything." Bobby stared into his whiskey bitterly. "Not like he'd call me anyway."

Sam nodded. "Alright. Thanks Bobby." Bobby only nodded in response as Sam stared down at Lydia. "I'm gonna be heading out. You wanna come with?"

"What?" Lydia thought he was joking. "Out hunting with your dead grandpa? You're kidding me."

Sam shook his head. "No, not really. You're a decent hunter, Lydia. Maybe inexperienced, but you can still do some good with us."

Lydia almost laughed out loud. "I don't think so, Sam. Bobby…"

"Bobby's a big boy. He can take care of himself." Sam raised an eyebrow. "Samuel and I and the rest of them are some of the best hunters out there. You can learn a lot from them."

Lydia suddenly felt painfully awkward. "Maybe some other time. I'll just be more of a liability right now. Once I get in more experience…" She glanced over in Bobby's direction for help, but saw that he had left.

Sam shrugged, like it didn't matter to him if she came or not. "Okay, if you're sure." He stepped closer to Lydia, and she realized with a wince that her face was red-a habit that she had been trying to keep under control since coming to Bobby's. Sam leaned in closer and whispered in her eye, "I don't think you'd be a liability." Lydia almost yelped out loud when she felt Sam's hand slap her butt, then felt her face get even more red as Sam smirked and walked out the door.


	3. Chains and Whips Excite Me

** (A/N)-Okay, three chapters down, twenty something chapters to go! Anyway, a lot of review are adding this story to your favorites or putting story alerts on it, so thank you guys so much! And to all the people that reviewed-you guys are awesome, as always. I wrote a guest article for the Winchester Family Business called "Why Teenagers Hate Supernatural" (read it and you'll understand), so check it out! And I STILL don't own Supernatural. I mean, what's up with that? Side note: Cas STILL isn't in this chapter, and I'm so sorry! But I promise, he'll be in the next chapter and most, if not all, of the chapters after that. **

The next two months passed by in a slow, routine blur Lydia got up, studied everything she could about being a hunter all day, drank all evening, and went to work all night. A few days after Sam had left, Bobby had taken her along on her very first hunt with him. It was a simple salt-and-burn, nothing complicated, but Lydia had done everything right and surprised both herself and Bobby. The experience only made Lydia more eager to hunt, and now, she was regularly going on hunts with Bobby. Neither of them had heard from Dean since Detroit, but Sam would pop in every few weeks to see how they were holding up. As far as Lydia knew, he was still hunting with his mom's side of the family and was doing just fine. He seemed a little more distant than he was before he went to hell, but Lydia never thought too much of it. He was in hell, after all. He had probably seen and experienced things that most people could never imagine.

And anyway, Lydia was still trying to avoid him after what happened the first time Sam came to Bobby's. The sting of Castiel's rejection still burned, even if Lydia did her best not to think about it at all, and she wasn't sure she wanted to get close to anybody after that. And Sam was just…Sam. For the longest time, she could never think of him as anything but a friend. He was…who was she kidding, the guy was hot. But Lydia just couldn't let herself even think about getting close to him. There was just no way she could deal with a relationship with him. Or anybody, really.

Everything changed one rainy day in August. Bobby went out to do some shopping-or so he claimed-and left Lydia home alone. It wasn't terribly out of the blue, so Lydia just sat on the couch and started reading about the curse of 27. Bobby said she should start smaller, but she was determined to figure out why so many musicians died at that age. If there was once thing she had learned after all this time, it's that there was no such thing as coincidence…

"Whatcha got there?"

Lydia let out a scream and within seconds was on her feet, her hand on the gun she always kept with her and the book thrown somewhere, forgotten. Her heart was racing and didn't even begin to calm down until she saw the hulking figure in the doorway.

"Hey, Sam…" Lydia said breathlessly, sitting back on the couch. He had scared her half to death and her breathing was still heavy.

Sam smirked at her and said, "Howdy!" before walking closer to her. He looked around the room, and that back at her out of the corner of his eye. "So, uh…where's Bobby?"

Lydia shrugged nonchalantly, trying her best to keep her eyes and attention on the book. "He said shopping. But that could mean anywhere, really."

Sam nodded, laughing a little bit. "Yeah, that sounds like Bobby." Sam sat on the edge of Bobby's desk, still looking at Lydia. "So you're a hunter now."

"Yup…"

"How's that going for you?"

Lydia shrugged again. "Fine."

"Just fine?" Sam raised his eyebrow.

Lydia looked up at him, nodding. "Yeah, just fine."

Sam sighed, obviously trying to make small talk. "So you and Cas…"

"Can we not talk about this?" Lydia quickly cut him off.

Sam raised his arms in mock-surrender. "Okay, fine. We won't talk about it." They were both silent for a few seconds before Sam broke it again. "So why'd you dump him?"

"I thought you said we weren't going to talk about it!" Lydia protested, finally putting the book down.

Sam shrugged. "I'm a compulsive liar. It's a bad habit. Really should work on that."

Lydia rolled her eyes, but sighed when she remembered Castiel. "I didn't dump him. He dumped me."

Sam blinked once, twice, three times. "Wow. I'm kinda surprised."

"What? That we're over?" Lydia snapped irritably. "You said that already, remember?"

"Well, that," Sam continued. "And the fact that he's the one that broke it off. I mean, Lydia, the guy was head over heels for you…"

Lydia snorted. "Yeah, right. Maybe for a while. But the second he was resurrected and got his angel mojo back, Sam, he broke up with me and went straight to heaven." Lydia laughed a little bit at how ridiculous that sounded. "Stupid, huh?"

Sam smiled. "A little bit, yeah." They both lapsed into awkward silence before Sam said quietly, "Can I ask you something?"

Lydia shrugged. "Shoot."

Sam shifted on the desk a bit so he was now directly facing her. "Why hunting? Why in God's name would you choose this life?"

"I…I dunno," Lydia found that she had a hard time explaining herself. "I just…I don't know. I really don't." She thought for a moment before slowly saying, "I think it's partly because there's nothing left for me. You saw me in Iowa-I was a stripper living in a shitty apartment and spending all my money on drugs. I was going nowhere fast. I probably would've been dead in a few years anyway. Maybe months." Lydia stopped and thought for a second. "Then Cas came back into my life, and I thought, okay, I'm clean, my life has meaning. I even thought about going back to school once or twice." The corners of her mouth twitched upwards. "And then when Cas was gone, I didn't know what to do with myself. I relapsed and came to Bobby's. I just didn't know what else to do." She stopped talking for a second and shrugged. "Like I said, I don't know. If this is my life, I figured I should kill some demons or monsters before I die." She looked up at Sam, who was staring at her, his face expressionless. "Does that make sense?"

Sam shrugged. "Kind of?" He pushed himself off the desk and started walking closer to Lydia. "But then again, nothing to do with hunting makes any kind of sense…" Before Lydia could stop him, he grabbed her wrists and hauled her to her feet. Her face immediately flushed a deep red as she crashed into his chest. She looked up at him-he had a good foot on her, but she had started wearing boots that gave her a couple inches-and felt her face turn an even darker red.

"You know, it's pretty adorable, the way you always get all red over everything…" Sam muttered it so quietly, Lydia had barely heard him. They looked at each other for a few more seconds before Sam covered her lips with his as hard as he could. Lydia didn't know what to do. At first she was taken completely by surprise, but after she realized how good it felt, every other thought from her mind floated away temporarily and their lips started moving in sync. Within seconds, Sam had her back pinned against the wall and his hands up her shirt, just like her hands were up his. It felt so good, he was so hard to resist…

Then Cas' face appeared in her mind.

Lydia immediately pushed Sam off of her and stared at him, her breathing heavy. Sam looked at her, but not with concern; he was just wondering what the hell was going on.

"Why are we doing this, Sam?" Lydia asked, defeated and embarrassed. Sam threw his hands up in the air in frustration and looked away, running his hands through his hair. Lydia grabbed his shoulder and forced him to look at her again. "No, I'm being serious. Why are we doing this? What the hell would we possibly gain from…whatever this is?"

Sam didn't speak, only kissed her again. Lydia squirmed and pulled away again. "Sam! I'm not kidding!"

"Would you just _shut up_?" Sam snapped irritably. "God, the sound of your voice is fucking grating sometimes!" He stared down at the girl and saw that, surprisingly, she didn't take offense to what he said. Instead, she kissed him again and stuck her tongue inside his mouth. She swung her legs around his waist and he carried her to the bedroom, still kissing. Before Lydia knew what was happening or could even think about it, clothes were being torn off in a wild frenzy. Lydia realized with a jolt that this was the same bed she had lost her virginity to Castiel, but found that she couldn't care less. Maybe that wasn't the right way to describe it. She _did_ care, but it was time to let go of the past. Cas was the past, and Sam was the present. Her thoughts were cut off as Sam slid into her, and she was screaming his name within seconds…

And then it was over. Just like that, it was over. Lydia was completely naked, breathing heavily under the sheets. Sam, however, was standing up and was carefully putting his clothes. Lydia just stared at him, her jaw hanging open.

"What? Are you kidding? You're just _leaving_?"

Sam looked at her, slightly confused, and nodded. "Yeah. I have to get going. Samuel wants to go hunting."

"So that's what you came here for?" Lydia couldn't think of a good response-she was just _confused_. "Just a quick fuck?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, pretty much."

Lydia ran her fingers through her hair. "Wow…wow. That's a really douchebaggy thing to do."

"I know that too." Sam nodded again. He went over and kissed the top of Lydia's head. It wasn't exactly affectionate, but it was close. "Thanks for being such a good sport about it, Lyd. Hope we can do this again sometime."

Lydia shook her head, amazed. "A good sport? Do this again? What the hell happened to you?"

"Exactly that. Hell." Sam shot back at her. He sighed a little bit. "Listen, I'm not into relationships and all that touchy-feely crap. But I'm a guy, Lydia. I'm a male. Males have needs."

"That's what prostitutes are for!" Lydia cried indignantly.

Sam sneered at her. "You're a stripper. You practically are a prostitute."

_That_ one had really stung. Lydia, feeling her eyes start to sting, rolled over and faced the opposite way and stared at the wall. "Just leave me the hell alone."

She heard Sam sigh again. "Lyd, I'm sorry, okay? Sorry that you're not over angel-boy or you think I'm being an ass, but…" He paused for a second. "And I wasn't kidding. I would love to do this again."

Lydia rolled back over to face him. "So that's it? You want to be fuck buddies?"

"I suppose."

Lydia thought for a second. "No feelings? No strings attached? Just sex? Friends with benefits?"

Sam affirmed her questions with a nod. "If you want to call it that, then yes. Don't know if anybody's ever told you this, but you're pretty good in bed."

Lydia' face burned red (again) as she sat up and rested her arms on her knees, the sheet covering her naked body. "Okay, fine. No strings attached."

"Awesome." Sam grabbed his duffel back and started walking out the door.

"You know, you've changed a lot." Lydia called before he left.

Sam turned and faced her right before he left. "You have too."


	4. This Time, Baby, I'll Be Bulletproof

** (A/N)-Hello lovely people! It normally wouldn't have taken me this long to post this, but I was gone all weekend with absolutely no access to a computer. But I'm back! So, as always, thank you to those who have given me feedback on this story, I really appreciate it and love you for it. So please, by all means, keep reviewing, because I really want to know what you all are thinking! (And I still don't own. I'm just as shocked and upset about it as you all are.)**

Lydia absolutely loved the way the shotgun felt in her hands. There was just something about the way the wood felt in her hands, the loud sound that it made, the way the barrel looked that made her happy. Maybe not _happy_, but it did give her a sick, demented sense of joy. She assumed it was the rush of danger and feeling powerful. Whatever it was, she loved it. It was no surprise that her favorite part of her training was shooting the target in the backyard.

And that's exactly what she was shooting the target one November afternoon; shooting the target and thinking about Sam. They had been fooling around for almost three months, but only saw him once every two or three weeks. It was a routine agreement-he'd sneak in, get what he wanted from her, and sneak back out-but every time he came, Lydia fell deeper and deeper. She knew she wasn't supposed to develop any feelings, and she was almost completely positive that Sam had no feelings for her whatsoever, but it was getting harder and harder to convince herself that she _wasn't_ going under. She wasn't in love with him-at least she didn't _think_ she was in love with him-but Lydia Carmichael felt _something_ for Sam Winchester, there was no doubt about it.

Then, suddenly, she saw a figure out of the corner of her eye. Six months earlier, she probably would've screamed or looked who it was. But now, she was looking to figure out _what_ it was. Before she could stop herself, she pointed the rifle in the mystery figure's general direction and pulled the trigger. Her eyes widened in realization when she heard the shot, and her brain raced before her eyes caught up to her. _Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! I could've shot Bobby! Or Sam! Oh my God, please don't be them…_

_ It's you._

And it was him. Castiel, the angel of the Lord himself, was standing on the grass in his trench coat. He looked exactly the same as he had when Lydia had seen him last; his eyes were a little colder, but that was about it. Except now, he had a bullet hole in the middle of his chest. He looked up at Lydia questioningly, his blue eyes piercing her soul.

"You shot me." He said simply.

Lydia had to take a few breaths before she could speak. She tried to make sure she sounded and looked as cold and nonchalant as possible. "You're an angel. Can't you heal yourself?"

Cas nodded, and when Lydia's eyes flickered down to his chest-which caused her face to go the slightest bit red-the bullet hole was gone. He sighed and looked back into her eyes. "Lydia…"

"Go to hell." Lydia raised the rifle again and shot Cas in the chest once more.

Cas looked back at his shirt, shocked. "You shot me. _Again_."

She nodded. "Yeah."

Cas looked like he was going to roll his eyes in exasperation, but he simply said, "Are you done yet?"

"Hmm…" Lydia contemplated it for a few seconds, then shot him one more time. He looked at her in surprise, and she said, "Okay, now I'm done."

Cas stuck his hands in the pockets of his trench coat. "Mature as ever, I see."

"Sarcastic as ever, I see." Lydia shot back.

He shrugged. "I could say the same to you." They both lapsed into awkward silence, the tension so thick, you could reach out and grab it. Cas gave a weak attempt at small talk by saying, "Your hair looks nice."

"What are you doing here?" Lydia glared at him.

"You are a hunter." Cas said it so matter-of-factly and so smugly, Lydia had to resist the urge to raise her gun again.

"Yeah, so what if I am?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "You said you wouldn't become one."

Lydia swallowed the lump in her throat. "You said you wouldn't leave me."

Cas started walking towards her, but stopped when he saw the way Lydia looked at him, feeling a strange loneliness in the pit of his stomach. "Things have changed."

"Yeah, well same here." Lydia rolled her eyes and started walking towards the house, trying not to look at him as she tried to sweep past him. She found that she wasn't going anywhere, however, when Cas grabbed her arm and wouldn't let go.

"You have three seconds to let go of me." The venom in her voice was almost frightening.

"Or you'll do what? Shoot me?" Cas' eyes were just as cold as hers were.

Lydia snorted, breaking his hold on her as she put her hands on her hips. "Don't provoke me."

"Don't threaten me."

"Or you'll do what? Shoot me?" she sneered at him.

Cas narrowed his eyes even more. They were so close, their chests were almost touching. "I could kill you in the blink of an eye without thinking twice."

Cas' eyes widened with surprise when he felt the slap on his cheek. He turned his head to look back at her and saw Lydia bare her teeth at him, her lip curled upwards. It was so differently than the Lydia of the past, he almost couldn't believe it. This definitely wasn't his Lydia.

"Threaten me one more time, you son of a bitch, I fucking dare you," she hissed. "You understand me?"

"Perfectly," Cas glared at her, trying not to let any other emotion besides aloof anger show on his face. "I don't want you hunting."

"And I don't want you in my yard." She folded her arms across her chest determinately and looked up at him.

Cas smirked the tiniest bit. "This isn't your yard. It's Bobby's. You can't just go kicking me out and slamming the door in my face anymore."

"Watch me."

Cas sighed heavily, taking his eyes off of her for a second or two. "Please, you need to stop hunting. I told you, it's dangerous. You can't be involved with this life."

"Why not?" Lydia chuckled bitterly. "It's my life. I can do what I want. You're not in my life anymore. You can't tell me what you think, because I really don't want your input."

"Too bad," Cas made himself look taller, stepping even closer to her. "I'm giving it anyway. And I am telling you, Lydia Carmichael, to stop hunting."

Lydia laughed, shaking her head. "This is ridiculous. Absolute ludicrous." She looked away for a moment, then looked back at him. "You can't tell me what to do anymore. You gave up that privilege when you walked out that door."

Castiel felt a flare of anger and words came pouring out of him before he could stop them. "Oh, my mistake. You don't want me in your life anymore? Is that why you still wear that necklace with my name on it?" Before Lydia could stop him, the angel grabbed the necklace she was currently wearing and held it up in front of her face like a trophy.

"Go screw yourself." Lydia muttered, taking the necklace away from him angerly.

"I'm not the one that's been doing the screwing, Lydia," Cas couldn't stop himself now. "I've seen what you've been doing all these months. Sam Winchester…"

"Don't bring Sam into this!" Lydia snapped.

Cas shook his head. "No, I _will_ bring Sam into this. You're trying to replace me with him, and it's not working. You tried to do the same thing with Alex…"

"You are crossing a _major_ line here, buddy." Lydia felt herself growing angrier and angrier with the angel in front of her.

"Oh, am I?" Cas asked darkly. "Tell me, it's not crossing a line to go have sex with...with _him_ to get back at me? You're acting like a…"

"Like a _what_?" Lydia snarled.

Cas had to restrain himself from yelling in her face. "Like a whore. You are acting like a whore."

He might as well slapped her, that's how upset Lydia was. Without thinking, she took both her hands and shoved his chest, pushing him away from her. To both of their surprises, Cas tumbled back and fell on the found. He picked himself up, however, and shoved her back, not hard enough to make her fall, but lightly enough to make her stumble. Lydia immediately saw red, and she reached up to slap him across the face again. Before she could, however, Cas grabbed her hand and held it there in mid-air so she couldn't move it.

"Go away," Lydia hissed. "Go away and don't you dare fucking show your face around here ever again."

"No," he answered. "If Bobby or Dean calls me back here, I will come."

"Is that why you don't you come when Sam calls you?" Lydia threw the words in his face. "Because he's sleeping with me?"

Cas let go of her arm and stepped back. "You are the most selfish, self-centered, cruelest human I have ever met."

"And you are the most evil, cowardly, disgusting _thing_ I have ever met in my life." Her words twisted like a knife. Cas was sure that she couldn't comprehend how much those words had hurt him.

"_Evil_?" Cas thundered. "You think I'm evil? Just because I hurt your precious human feelings?"

"Oh, I _know_ you're evil!" Lydia shouted back.

Cas laughed in bitterness and contempt. "Don't you dare call me cowardly, Lydia Carmichael, I urge you."

"You are cowardly," Lydia searched his face, waiting to see his reaction. "I know you are. You'd rather behind your feathers and your clouds than come see me yourself for six months. You just watched me drink, hunt, and hook up. What kind of man does that?" Cas tried to respond, but she cut him off. "Oh wait, that's right! You're not even a man!"

"Then what am I?" Cas almost whispered the words. "Disgusting? All those months we were together, I disgusted you?"

"No, you didn't," Lydia's voice became the tiniest bit softer. "The thing you've become does."

Instead of being reassured, Cas became even more angry. "A thing? That's all I am to you? A thing?"

Lydia laughed in his face. "Well what am I to you? A petty human?"

"No," Castiel shook his head. "No. You are nothing to me."

He suddenly felt her hand grab his. "No!" Lydia shouted. Then, quietly, she said, "I don't care what else you do, but don't you dare say that I'm nothing to you, because I know for a fact that that's not true." When Cas said nothing, she went on. "I _know_ I mean something to you. You're just too scared to admit it."

"Goodbye, Lydia." And with that, Cas disappeared.

Lydia stood there in the yard for a few minutes, frozen and unsure of what to do. Her heart was still racing, as well as her head. Finally, she stomped back into the house and was surprised to see Sam sitting with Bobby near the desk, talking.

"Lydia…?" Sam asked as she ran towards him and silently pulled him into a hard, passionate kiss. Her eyes were closed, so she didn't see how shocked he looked. Eventually, though, the surprise wore off and he shut his eyes, sticking his tongue in her mouth. Bobby didn't know what they had been doing, so the older hunter was confused as to hell as to why the man and woman he considered his son and daughter were making out in the middle of his house.

"What the hell…?" Bobby muttered. But Sam and Lydia didn't acknowledge him in the slightest. Lydia was practically dragging him into the bedroom, and before they disappeared behind the closed door, Bobby Singer could've sworn he saw a tear track running down that girl's face.

Inside the bedroom, Sam and Lydia were standing in the middle of the room, still kissing passionately, completely naked. Sam took off Lydia's necklace and studied it carefully. "Why exactly do you still wear this thing?"

In response, Lydia took it and chucked it in the garbage in the corner of the room. "Doesn't matter. It's garbage now, anyway."


	5. I'm No Superman

** (A/N)- 5 chapters already! Thank you guys so much for reviewing-every time I get a review, I get so excited that it's hard to contain myself. So I'm done with my musical for this summer (God, that was such a great experience) but the one nice thing about it is that I can update quicker. At least until school starts in September, anyway, but for now, yay for fast updates! Anyway, I love you guys reviewing, keep it up by all means! And if any of you lurkers want to review, please do! I'm not a mind reader. Just like I don't own Supernatural. **

Six months after Cas had appeared, Dean Winchester was back.

Lydia was just sitting around with Bobby, both of them reading and sipping their beers. It was a slow day for them-they had just finished a case and were currently looking for another one-when there was a knock on the door. Lydia's heart immediately leapt up into her throat, but then her curiosity peaked. Sam never knocked at the door, he just walked in. Still, she couldn't think of anybody else that it could be. She looked at Bobby and arched her eyebrow. "Want me to get that?"

Bobby shrugged. "If you want to…But take your gun."

Lydia rolled her eyes and she got off the couch and grabbed her revolver. "I don't think you have to tell me anymore…" As she was walking towards the door, she was almost certain that it wasn't Sam at the door. She just had that feeling down in her gut that it wasn't him. He hadn't been coming as frequently as he was before-partly because he knew Bobby didn't approve them sleeping around together, and partly because he was busy hunting-but she hadn't seen him in a while, so maybe…

"Dean?" Lydia asked, confused. She had opened the door to find Dean Winchester at the door, a woman around Dean's age, and a boy that didn't look much older than 11 or 12.

Dean looked at Lydia, the awkwardness escalading. "Hey, Lydia."

"Um…hey…" She looked behind Dean and said, "You brought…"

"Lisa and Ben."

Lydia nodded and gave a small wave, trying to avoid eye contact. "Hi."

The woman, Lisa, regarded her strangely and asked, "Are you a friend of Dean's?"

She didn't exactly like the way Lisa said _friends_. Not to mention she said no idea how to answer that. _Oh yeah, great friends. He saved my ass when I was 15, then ran into me again in a Walgreen's in Iowa._ _Then I started dating his best friend, who just happened to be an angel. Then we broke up, and now I'm fooling around with Dean's brother, who is somehow back from the dead. Not that Dean would know that, anyway, because he hasn't bothered to call us in over a year…_

"Uh, yeah," Lydia finally answered. "We met a long time ago, though…"

"Lyd!" Bobby called from his study. "Who's at the door?"

Lydia threw her head back in the house and yelled back, "Bobby, you might want to come see for yourself!"

She heard the older hunter grumble under his breath as he got up and walked towards the door. Lydia stepped aside when he finally got there, and as soon as Bobby saw Dean standing there, he shook his head slightly and whispered, "Dammit."

"It's good to see you too, Bobby," Dean started. "It's been a while."

Bobby only replied, "If you're here, something's wrong."

Dean looked back and pointed at mother and son behind him. "Bobby, this is Lisa and Ben."

"Hi." Lisa gave him a tiny smile.

Bobby nodded. "Well, it's nice to finally meet you," As Dean, Lisa, and Ben stepped into the house, Bobby added, "Mi casa es su casa. Maybe you want to go upstairs. TV's broken, but there's plenty of Reader's Digest." Lisa and Ben nodded curtly and started heading up the stairs. "Just don't touch the decor, okay?"

Lydia gave a small smirk and added, "Yeah. Assume everything's loaded, because it probably is."

"Smartass…" Bobby couldn't help but roll his eyes at her.

Eventually, all three hunters looked around awkwardly, none of them knowing exactly what to say. Sam then walked in and said, in that eerily calm voice of his, "Hey Bobby."

Dean looked expectantly at Bobby and Lydia, but his face dropped in surprise when Bobby nodded calmly and said, "Sam."

Lydia gave Sam a sad, small smile. "Hiya."

It was the wrong thing to say. Within a minute of two, everybody in the room-minus Dean-were sitting down, waiting for the grilling they were sure to receive from the oldest Winchester.

"You knew?" Lydia could hear the anger in Dean's voice. "You knew Sam was alive?"

Bobby nodded his head slowly. "Yeah."

"Both of you?" Dean looked at Lydia in disbelief. Lydia didn't answer him; she just folded her arms across her chest and stared at him. Just that one look told Dean everything he needed to know.

Dean nodded and almost started to laugh from the hurt and the shock. "How long?"

"Look…" Lydia started, but Dean was quick to cut her off.

"How long?" he thundered.

Lydia looked down at the floor, her legs and arms both crossed, as if to protect herself. "All year."

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me…" Dean sounded _beyond_ angry. Furious barely covered his feelings.

"And I'd do it again." Bobby snapped.

Dean looked at the ceiling, exasperated. "Why?"

"Because you got out, Dean!" Bobby snarled, his anger matching Dean's own. "You walked away from the life. And I was so damn grateful, you got no idea!"

"Do you have any clue what walking away meant for me?"

Bobby retorted, "Yeah, a woman and a kid and not getting your guts ripped out at age 30. That's what it meant!"

"That woman and that kid," Dean pointed his finger at Sam. "I went to them because you asked me to."

"Good." Lydia finally piped up.

"Good for who?" Dean shot her a furious look, then looked back at Sam and Bobby. "I showed up on their doorstop half out of my head with grief. God knows why they even let me in! I drank too much. I had nightmares. I looked _everywhere_. I collected hundreds of books, trying to find anything to bust you out!" When nobody said anything in response to this, Dean directed his fury at Lydia. "And you!"

Lydia rolled her eyes towards to ceiling. "What about me, Dean?"

"You could've told me, at any damn time!" Dean shouted. "You knew how much Sam meant to me. You didn't think for one second that I might want to know…"

"It wasn't my place to!" Lydia interrupted him, growing angry. "Sam and Bobby asked me not to, so I didn't!"

Her words seemed to have little effect on Dean. "So what? You could've picked up a damn phone…"

"A phone works two ways, Dean!" Lydia shouted back. "You disappeared for a year and never bothered to call or check in or see how Bobby was doing! You didn't even know I was still here, did you?"

Dean breathed in sharply. "No, I didn't. But what the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"You can't just storm in here like you own the place! God, you come in here and started yelling at Bobby and me. This is Bobby's house, not yours!" Lydia could feel some of her frustration seep out of her pores. "I'm sorry that you're upset, but that wasn't my decision to make, Dean."

"Yeah, whatever." Dean looked away from her, disgust filling his voice. Instead of feeling anger like she should, Lydia only felt hurt. And that feeling, frankly, sucked.

Sam, after a few seconds, said, "You promised you'd leave it alone."

"Of course I didn't leave it alone! Sue me!" Dean's anger flared up again. "A damn year? You couldn't put me out of my misery?"

Bobby finally snapped. "Look, I _get_ it wasn't easy! But that's life! And it's as close to happiness as I've ever seen a hunter get." Bobby's voice was considerably more under-control as he said, "It ain't like I wanted to lie to you, son. But you were out, Dean."

Dean only glared as he said, "Do I look out to you?" After a few seconds, he stormed out of the room, probably to go talk to Lisa.

A few hours later, Dean and Sam had left, and Lydia was stuck inside a house with only Bobby and the Braedens for company. And Lydia was nothing short of _terrified_ of Lisa. Every time Bobby had forced-or shoved-her up the stairs to go check on Lisa or her son, Lisa just stared at her. It wasn't exactly unfriendly, but it was definitely cold. And every freaking time, Lydia just wanted to run back downstairs or melt into a puddle right then and there.

At around eleven, Lydia was in the kitchen, eating some leftover pasta that she had bought from some little dinner two nights before. She had about twenty minutes before she had to leave for work and was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants over her clothes. God forbid Lisa or Ben walked downstairs and saw her dressed like…well, a stripper.

"Is there anymore pasta left?" Lydia looked up to see none other than Lisa Braeden herself. She looked like she was getting ready to go to bed. Why she was downstairs was a mystery in itself.

Lydia shook her head. "No, sorry." Then, stupidly, she said, "You can have the rest of mine if you want. I'm not gonna finish it."

Lisa curled up her lip, slightly disgusted. "Um, I think I'll pass."

Inwardly, however, Lydia was kicking herself for being so stupid. She had spent over a year, pretty much cut off from the outside world. Bobby and herself frequently ate what the other didn't finish. To somebody like Lisa, Lydia probably came across as a pig.

"So…everything going okay?" Lydia attempted to make small talk.

It appeared, however, that she was successful. Lisa walked over to the fridge and grabbed a can of beer, opening it as she sat down. When she saw Lydia looking at her in surprise, Lisa mumbled, somewhat embarrassed, "I really need one right now."

Lydia only laughed. "Hey, no need to be embarrassed. It's all good."

Lisa gave her a small smile. "Uh, yeah, it's going okay. Ben's a little uncomfortable, but I think he'll be okay by tomorrow."

"Yeah. You guys probably aren't staying that long," Lydia offered. "Dean and Sam are good at what they do. They'll be back soon."

Lisa shrugged. "That's comforting. In a way."  
>Silence prevailed for a few seconds more before Lisa asked, "So you never really told me how you met Dean and Sam and Bobby and everybody."<p>

"Oh…" Lydia wasn't sure if she felt telling this woman-this total stranger-her whole life story. "Well, when I was a teenager, my mother and I were attacked by some monster, and Dean saved me life." Lydia couldn't help but notice that Lisa looked proud of her boyfriend. "It was a long time ago, I was only like 15. So then, about a year and a half ago, when I was 23, I ran into Dean and Sam in a store. And…" Lydia felt sick to her stomach thinking about Castiel. "And they introduced me to Bobby. I decided that working at a dinner like I was just wasn't working, so Bobby took me in and taught me to be a hunter. And I've been here ever since." Then, she asked Lisa, "What about you?"

Lisa smiled. "I met Dean when I was about 19. I was a young yoga instructor, and, well…you get the idea." Lydia couldn't help but smile at this. "Anyway, he visited me when Ben was about eight years old, and he ended up saving Ben's life from some changelings."

"Small world." Lydia remarked.

Lisa nodded, her smile fading. "Yeah. Then, after Sam died, Dean came back and started living with me." She looked up again. "And now I'm here."

Lydia nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, life is pretty funny that way…"

Both women were silent again until Lisa said, "So I have a question for you. And please don't get mad or take it the wrong way."

"Shoot." Lydia shrugged.

Lisa bit her lip before asking, "So, were you and Dean, ever…"

"A thing?" Lydia interrupted her, trying not to laugh. Lisa nodded, completely serious, and Lydia sighed. "No, never. I'm so much younger than him, and we just…no. We're just friends. I couldn't even _begin_ to picture myself with him, y'know?"

"Oh." Relief flooded Lisa's features. "I was just asking…"

"No, no, I get it," Lydia reassured her. "I get it, I really do. Don't apologize." Both women were silent again before Lydia remembered-work. "Crap. I'm sorry, but I gotta run…"

"Where are you going?" Lisa's words weren't nasty; they were curious. "It's almost eleven-thirty."

"Yeah, I know," Lydia said sheepishly. "I have to go work. Got the night shift." _At least I didn't have to lie about that. Not really, anyway…_

Lisa nodded. "Yeah, I know how that feels. I'll see you later, I guess."

Making sure her hoodie was all the way zipped up, Lydia walked out the door with a quick, "Bye." Lydia then got in the car and started making her way towards the club…

"Robert Steven Singer, you get your ass down here right now and open the fucking door!" Lydia hissed into her cell phone. This night could not have gone more disastrous. Not only had she barely made any money-the club was practically empty that night, God only knows why-she had forgotten her hoodie and sweatpants in the club and had to come home, dressed up in her stripper clothes- in the rain. Add to the equation that it was a little after three in the morning and her key to the house was in the pocket of her sweatpants, and you had a very unhappy Lydia.

Then again, you also had a very unhappy Bobby when the damn girl was calling him this early in the morning. "No. You forgot your key. I ain't gettin' out of this damn bed. You can suffer." And with that, Bobby promptly hung up the phone.

"Dammit!" Lydia hung up her phone and rolled her eyes. As her eyes were looking up to the sky, she eyed the window. The _upstairs_ window. That led into the _upstairs_ hallway.

"Guess there's no way but up…" Lydia sighed resignedly. She quickly started climbing a tree that was somewhat close to the window. It was a slow, painstaking process, and she almost fell out of the tree a few times, but eventually, Lydia was climbing in the window.

"Almost three…" Lydia whispered as she slowly inched forward…before promptly falling on her face.

"Son of a bitch!" Lydia didn't realize just how loudly she had yelled until it was too late. Lisa and Ben came tearing out of their room, staring at her.

Lydia stood up and dusted herself off before realizing that she was dressed in the skimpiest little outfit imaginable. Peachy.

"Um, hey guys…" Lydia started weakly, but Lisa interrupted her before she had the chance to say anything else.

"Ben, go back in the room!" Lisa shouted, and Ben immediately scattered into his room, shutting the door behind him. Lisa then turned to Lydia. "What the hell is wrong with you! Is that your job, huh? A streetwalker!"

Lydia was extremely put-off at this. "Hey, I'm a stripper, thank you. There's a _huge_ difference."

"Oh, I'm sure there is," Lisa sneered. "Listen, I don't care what you do. Just don't do it around my son, and don't you dare do it around my boyfriend."

Lydia almost burst out laughing. "Oh, so that's what this is about? You're afraid that I'm going to steal your precious Dean? Or lead your darling Ben down the path of cheap women?"

Lisa had no response to this. She just turned on her heel and went back into her bedroom; the bedroom, Lydia realized, that was actually her own. Bobby must've let them stay there for the night. With another sigh, she went into the basement and grabbed some dirty-but comfortable, and most importantly, _modest_-clothes. Lydia then walked into the living room and collapsed on the couch. She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.


	6. The Boys Are Back in Town

**(A/N)-Hello boys and girls! I'm baaaaaack! With a new chapter! Anyway, big thank yous go out to all of you who reviewed, you guys are just awesome and amazing and make me so inspired to write this story, I love it. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: I do not own Supernatural. This fic and all my other fanfics are just that-fanfics. Kthanksbye. (And as always, big thank yous go to the Super-Wiki for their transcripts.) BREAKING NEWS: There's a new Supernatural season 7 promo online somewhere, it aired right after the rerun of "Mommy Dearest." If you love Cas…watch at your own risk. **

When Lydia woke up the next morning-more like afternoon-, Lisa and Ben were already gone. Bobby had said that Dean came and picked them up early in the morning and left without saying goodbye. Bobby claimed that Dean just hadn't wanted to wake her up, but Lydia knew better-Dean just didn't want to say goodbye, period. That was fine by her. Dean had seemed…different. Obviously, a year living with a girlfriend and a son had changed him, but he had seemed so distant and withdrawn from not only her, but also Bobby and Sam, that she didn't know what to think.

After that, Lydia tried not to focus on it too much. Sam hadn't come seen her or Bobby since Dean had come back; he had called once and said that he was busy hunting. He had said something about a baby and asked Lydia to come and help him out, but she was already working a case with Bobby and just couldn't help. Not that she particularly wanted to-although she normally would've jumped at the chance to work with Sam, she had never liked children and tried to avoid them at all costs-but there was just no possible way that she could. But besides that, she hadn't heard from Sam _or_ Dean. It was like they didn't even exist anymore.

That is, until six weeks, more or less, later. She had literally _just_ walked in the door from work when she saw Sam drinking a beer in the kitchen. He smirked at her.

"Hey sexy. Just got in, I see."

Lydia rolled her eyes. "No shit, Sherlock."

In response to this, Sam stood up and walked over towards her, putting his arms around Lydia. "So, uh, Bobby's not here. How about we go back and…"

"I want to go on a hunt with you." Lydia interrupted him suddenly, staring into Sam's eyes.

Sam, on the other hand, only looked confused. "Why?"

Lydia shrugged. "I dunno. I just do."

"Yeah, but Lyd…"

"No, don't 'Lyd' me!" Lydia protested. "You said a long time ago, months ago, that I could come on a hunt with you. I'm taking you up on that offer."

Sam rolled his eyes, sighing heavily. "I was saying that to be nice…"

"Oh, so you don't think I can handle a hunt with you?"

Sam sighed. "This is ridiculous."

Lydia pushed Sam's arms off of her. "C'mon! Please? I'm sick of staying here with Bobby all the time. And I never get to see you anymore!"

"Okay, fine!" Sam snapped. "But Dean's coming too, so you're going to have to deal with him."

"Great." Lydia said nonchalantly. "I don't have a problem with that."

"And," Sam continued. "You better pull your own weight on this hunt, alright? I'm not babysitting you."

Lydia shook her head in wonder. "Is that all you think about? Sex and hunting?"

"No, I think about rainbows and kittens. And sunshine, on the good days."

"Great, I'll go get my stuff." Lydia smirked, happy that she was finally getting out of Bobby's house for once. Just one hunt, one single hunt, on the road? She'd been waiting for that for over a year.

Sam smirked and took her into his arms again. "You need 'help' getting your things?"

Lydia nodded and kissed him playfully. "Obviously. I need a big, strong man to go upstairs with me…" It seemed that Sam didn't even want to wait to go upstairs, the way he was nipping at her neck…

Of course, after hunting with Sam Winchester for a couple days, you learn a few things. The first thing Lydia learned? Waking up to find random women and Sam totally shirtless is apparently a regular occurrence.

Lydia didn't even know why she was really surprised. Was she under the impression that she was the only woman Sam was fooling around with? The answer, at least in her mind, was yes. But that first night, she had fallen asleep in the same bed as him, right next to him. When she woke up the next morning, it was early, probably no earlier than ten. She walked out of the bedroom in only her underwear and one of Sam's (huge) shirts. The sight of Sam working out, wearing _very _low jeans and absolutely no shirt set her hormones racing and the blood rushing to her face.

"Last night was a…high point, if you don't mind me saying." Lydia nearly froze at the sound of the voice. A _woman's_ voice. Staying back where she wasn't easily seen, Lydia stood and watched the whole thing unfold.

"Good," Sam gave the woman a look that could've made a nun think dirty thoughts.

"All right," the woman said seductively. "Well, I see you need to start your day. Where did you say you were heading out?" Sam only looked at her impatiently, but still looking so damn attractive, Lydia had to resist flinging herself at him right then and there.

"You didn't. Right." Smiling at him, the woman continued. "Damn, you know how to play that mystery card."  
>Lydia felt a rush of anger burst in her chest. <em>Bitch, if you so much as look at him again, I will snap you like a twig.<em>

Of course, things only got worse from there. The woman turned to leave, but turned back around to face Sam when he cleared his throat and held up a wad of cash.

"Right, I almost forgot. Next time…" the slut handed Sam a piece of paper. "You can call me on my night off. If you want."

"Okay." Sam replied.

The woman turned around and gave Sam a flirty smile. "Okay." And with that, she walked out of the room.

"What the hell was that!" Lydia stormed out of her hiding place and got right up in Sam's face. "Who is she!"

Sam shrugged. "I forgot her name."

Lydia almost burst into hysterical laughter. She couldn't even believe what she was hearing. "Why was she even here!"

"I wanted sex," Sam adopted a tone that was _very_ condescending. "We had sex. You fell asleep. I wanted more sex. I went out and got some."

"Do you ever sleep?" Lydia couldn't even wrap around her head around it. She knew that Sam wasn't exclusively hers, but still, the thought of him banging _anybody_ else besides her made Lydia want to punch the wall.

Sam thought for a second, than said, "Sometimes. It's not really important to me. Not one of my top priorities."

"Sam Winchester, you are the biggest dick I've ever met!" Lydia didn't know what else to say. She was _fuming_.

Sam only winked at her. "Thank you. I know mine is big…" Before Lydia could think of a response, Sam's cell phone rang. He crossed the room and answered it. "Hey…Uh, change of plans. I need you to meet me. I'm in PA. Town called Easter." Lydia could tell immediately it was Dean on the other line. "Caught a case." Pause. "I like to work." Another pause. "Glad we hashed that out. Call me when you roll into town." Sam hung up and looked back at Lydia. "Dean's coming."

"Apparently…" Lydia, still upset, stomped back into the bedroom and started getting dressed. The last thing she needed was for Dean to find out what was going on between her and Sam. Whatever that may be. Lydia wasn't even one hundred percent what it was, either.

"Ben…I know you're lying…Because I lie professionally, that's how. Now tell your mom you broke the damn thing and take it like a man, okay? Ok-okay." Dean hung up the phone and looked up to see Sam, dressed in a suit, which wasn't all that surprising. What _was_ surprising, however? Seeing little Lydia Carmichael dressed up in a business suit, looking at him with her eyebrow raised and a cocky look on her face.

"I see your molding the minds of tomorrow, huh, Mr. Winchester?" she asked sarcastically.

Dean, however, didn't look all that impressed. "Lydia, what are you doing here?"

"Hunting." She replied indignantly.

"Lyd…" Dean rubbed his eyelids, frustrated. "You're like 19. You're practically a kid. And this seems like a big case, so just go home, okay?" Lydia opened her mouth to tell Dean exactly what she thought of that plan, but Dean started talking again. "No, I'm serious. I'm not going to say that you shouldn't be a hunter. If you want to, fine. But just try finding a smaller case or something. I mean, have you even worked a case by yourself?"

Lydia held up her hand to silence him. "First of all, my birthday was last week. I'm 25. Second of all, I have worked cases by myself. I have been for months. And anyway, you and Sam are working this case, too. I just want to get more experienced, that's all."

Dean looked away, sighing. "Fine. Whatever."

"Okay." Lydia looked down at the ground. A year of not hunting had definitely changed Dean. Then again, a year of being in hell had changed Sam, too. Both Winchesters were completely different people than Lydia remembered.

Thankfully, Sam broke the silence. "So how'd it go?"

Dean stared at him. "With?"

"You and Lisa. How'd she take it when you bailed?"

Lydia felt a jolt when she heard that. "You and Lisa broke up?"

"No, we didn't break up…" Lydia could've sworn that Dean was glaring at her out of the corner of his eye, even though he was looking at Sam, not her. "I just told her I'd be hunting and come back to her when I could. She took it shockingly cool, actually."

"Better for everybody." Sam offered.

Dean didn't look convinced. "Yeah, I suppose. Still driving the plastic piece of crap, huh?" Dean asked about Sam's car.

Lydia looked over to Dean's Impala and couldn't help but sigh; she had only ridden in it twice, once when she was 15, and once when she had found Dean and Sam in Walgreen's. Neither were very happy memories. Still, it _was_ a pretty car. "He's got a point, Sam. That car's got more character than yours ever will."

Dean smirked at Sam, satisfied. "Hear that, Sammy? Girl knows what she's talking about."

"What's your mileage, again?" Sam shot at his brother.

Dean only furrowed his brow as Lydia suppressed a laugh. "Shut up…"

"We should call Cas." Dean said, opening his beer.

"No!" Lydia and Sam both said at once. They had been working at the case and had ultimately come to the conclusion that the police officers that had been killed were being killed by the plagues of Egypt. Dean, of course, was ready to call Castiel and ask for help. Lydia and Sam…not so much.

Dean looked at Lydia in exasperation. "Lyd, I know how it is with old flames, okay? Awkward as all hell. But just because you don't want to see him, doesn't mean…"

"That's not why I don't want to call him!" Lydia felt her face go red.

Dean was unconvinced. "Oh yeah? Then why don't you?"

"Um…" Lydia quickly racked her brain to think of a good enough lie. "Because I don't know that he could help us with this. And anyway, Sam's prayed to the guy like a million times. He doesn't answer."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, Dean, I tried. It was the first and second and third thing I did, soon as I got topside. Son of a bitch won't answer the phone."

Sitting on the bed, Dean said, "It's worth a shot…" Dean awkwardly started to pray. "Now I pray me down to sleep. I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here."

"You're an idiot." Sam retorted.

Dean kept on praying. "Come on, Cas! Don't be a dick. We got ourselves a…plague-like situation down here, and…do you…do you copy?"

"Like I said…" Sam started, "son of a bitch doesn't answer…he's right behind me, isn't he?"

"Hello." Cas said from behind the younger Winchester.

Sam looked at the angel in utter disbelief. "Hello?"

"Yes…"

Imitating Cas, Sam said, "Hello." Then, in his regular voice, he exclaimed, "Hello!"

Cas merely looked confused. "Uh, that is still the term?"

"I spent all that time trying to get through to you!" Sam explained. "Dean calls once, and now it's 'hello'!"

"Yes."

Sam only scoffed at that. "So, what, you-you like him better or something?"

"Dean and I do share a more profound bond." Looking at Dean, Cas continued, "I wasn't going to mention it." Then, Castiel looked at Lydia quickly. "Hello."

"Hey." Lydia offered awkwardly before both angel and hunter diverted their eyes away from each other.

Dean decided to intervene just then. "Cas, I think what he's trying to say is that…he went to Hell for us. I mean, he really took one for the team. You remember that? And he comes back without a clue, and you can't take five friggin' minutes to give him some answers?"

"If I had any answers, I might have responded," Cas said strongly. "But I don't know, Sam. We have no idea who brought you back from the cage…or why."

"Guys!" Lydia snapped from her corner of the room. When all eyes were on her, she said, "Cas, look, if Sam or me or whoever calls, it's probably something important. So if you could actually respond when we call you…"

"As much as I appreciate you patronizing me, Lydia, I didn't come down here because you called." Cas regarded his former lover coldly, which cut her like a knife. She hadn't said the words to be rude or sarcastic, but she supposed that's the way he took them. "I came because of this case you're working on. Although we don't know _who_ is committing these acts, we know they were committed using one of our weapons. There's only one thing that could have brought this into existence. You call it the Staff of Moses."

"_The_ Staff?" Sam asked.

"Yes," Cas nodded. "But the weapon isn't being used at its full capacity. I think we can rule out Moses as a suspect."

"Okay, but what's Chuck Heston's disco stick doing down here, anyway? I mean, don't you guys put away your toys?" Dean pressed.

"Before the apocalypse, Heaven may have been corrupt, but it was stable. The staff was safely contained." With a sigh, Cas said, "It's been chaos up there since the war ended. In that confusion, a number of…powerful weapons were…stolen."

"So your nukes are loose?" asked Lydia.

"Yes, I'm afraid so." Cas pointed to the jar of locusts. "But you've stumbled onto one of them. We must find the weapon that did this. I need your help."

Sarcastic as ever, Sam chimed in, "That's rich. Really."

"Sam," Lydia began. "If he needs our help, he needs our help…"

Cas, however, looked totally and completely frustrated. "Sam, Dean. My 'people skills' are 'rusty'. Pardon me, but I have spent the last 'year' as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent. But believe me, you _do not_ want that weapon down here. Help me find it. Or more people will die." Cas looked at Lydia, his look a bit more lingering than before. "Thank you, at least, for trying to help."

"Yeah, no problem." Lydia absentmindedly started looking around the room and twirling a piece of hair around her finger. When she realized what she was doing, she kept her eyes locked straight ahead and put her finger down immediately. _Dammit, Lydia. Could you be anymore of a girl…?_


	7. Calling All Angels

** (A/N)-Here is chapter 7, which continues to follow "The Third Man"! Reviews are lovely, so please, hit that little review button and type a few words. I don't own, you know the drill. (And I'm sorry if this chapter is a little slow. It kind of recaps the whole episode. Sorry about that!)**

Lydia was on Sam's laptop, trying to find everything she could about the Staff of Moses. The boys had all gone to question Darryl Birch about the death of the police officers, but Lydia had volunteered to stay back and research some more. Anything to avoid Cas. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about him, and every time she so much as looked at him, her heart would skip a beat. She told herself it was stupid and she shouldn't waste her time, but she couldn't help it. She knew, in the back of her mind, she still had feelings for the angel that had completely changed her life.

"Cas, you realize you just kidnapped a kid?" Dean's voice caused Lydia to look up. Dean, Sam, and Cas were all back, Cas carrying a young boy over his shoulder. He laid the boy on the bed and studied him curiously.

"If the angel we seek truly bought this boy's soul, when a claim is laid on a living soul, it leaves a mark, a brand." Cas answered.

Sam looked at Cas and asked, "What, like a …like a shirt tag at camp?"

"I have no idea," admitted the angel. "But I can read the mark and find the name of the angel that bought the boy's soul. But it will be painful. Excruciating." Cas said.

Dean, to say the least, was against the whole thing from the beginning. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. He's a kid, Cas!" Dean exclaimed wildly. "A ki…Sam?" The older Winchester looked at his brother, waiting for Sam to back him up.

Instead, Sam asked Castiel, "Any permanent damage?"

"Sam!" Lydia yelled. "Dean's right! He's just a child! You can't do that to him!"

Cas completely ignored Lydia's cries of protest. "Physically, minimal."

"Oh sure! It's only minimal pain! That makes it okay, then!" Lydia sarcastically replied.

"Lydia!" Cas barked. "If I can get the name, I can work a ritual to track the angel down."

Dean cut Lydia off, knowing that sparks would fly if she opened her mouth. "And I'm all for that. But come on. There's got to be another way."

"There is no other way." Cas insisted.

Dean sounded absolutely horror-struck. "You're gonna torture a kid?"

"I _can't_ care about that, Dean!" Cas was trying desperately to convince Dean and Lydia, to no avail. "I don't have the luxury!" Before Dean or Lydia had a chance to stop him, Cas stuck his arm in the boy's chest, causing Aaron to scream in pain. Dean tried stepping forward to stop the angel, but Sam held him back. The three humans in the room watched as Aaron's body lit up from the inside, then watched him stop screaming and slip back into unconsciousness after Cas had removed his hand.

"He'll rest now." Cas said simply.

"Did you get a name?" Lydia couldn't help but glare when Sam said that. How could he possibly have been okay with this, torturing a child?

Cas seemed trapped in his own little world. "I thought he died in the war."

"A friend of yours?" Lydia asked.

"A good friend." Cas nodded as he sighed.

"Well, now he's going around buying souls?" Lydia folded her arms across her chest. "Like a crossroads demon or something?"

"Balthazar." Cas replied. "I wonder…"

Lydia stared at the angel. "So can we find him now?"

"Balthazar." The hunters and Cas turned to find another angel in the room with them. "Thanks, Castiel. We'll make good use of the name." The angel pulled out an angel-killing sword and attacked Cas with it. The trench coat-wearing angel blocked it-barely-with his own blade.

"And by the way," the angel said, somewhat smugly. "Raphael says hello." Dean, Sam, and Lydia watched as Cas and the other angel fought violently. Lydia thought about jumping in and made a move to, but Dean's hand on her shoulder stopped her. She realized it was probably best that she not get involved, anyway; Cas was a good fighter. He could hold his own. Eventually, both angels jumped out the window and started to fall several stories down.

"Cas!" Lydia couldn't help but call her former lover's name and race for the window with the brothers. They looked down and saw Cas standing next to a destroyed car parked on the street. Only after looking at it for a few seconds did Lydia realize it was Sam's car.

"My car." Sam stared at his totaled car, horrified. Lydia had to bite down on her lip to stop herself from laughing.

Dean, on the other hand, looked positively thrilled. "Okay. Silver lining."

"He's gone." Lydia and the Winchesters turned back away from the window. Cas was already back in the hotel room.

"Alright Cas," Sam said. "Who was that guy?"

"A soldier of Raphael," Cas replied. "He must have followed me when I answered your call."

Sam seemed confused. "Raphael? The archangel? I'm sorry, what's going on here?"

Castiel didn't answer him; he only went to get a bowl from the cupboard. "I can explain later. Right now we have to…"

"No, not later." Dean protested, stopping Cas in his tracks. "Now. Stop, all right? Too many angels, Cas! I don't know who's on first, what's on second…"

"What _is_ 'second'?" asked the angel.

Dean opened his mouth to answer back, probably to keep the joke going, but Lydia snapped, "Please don't start that."

Cas merely ignored her. "It is simple: Raphael and his followers, they want him to rule Heaven. I-and many others-the _last_ thing we want is to let him take over. It would be catastrophic."

"You're talking civil war." Sam seemed to realize the gravity of Cas' situation.

Cas nodded. "Technically, yes. Which is why we have to find Balthazar and the weapons before Raphael does. Whoever has the weapons wins the war." Cas then reached under Sam's bed and grabbed the weapons that were in a bag.

"And what happens if Raphael wins? What-what does he want?" Dean asked.

Reaching through Sam's bag, Cas pulled out a flask of Holy Water. "What he's always wanted-to end the story the way it was written."

"You mean the Apocalypse?" Dean pressed. "The one that we derailed?"

"Yes. That one." Cas continued to rummage through the bag. "Raphael wants to put it back on the rails."

"But why?" Lydia finally chimed in. There were so many questions that Castiel wasn't answering, and it was frustrating her to no end.

But Castiel didn't answer her; he simply ignored her question, as if she hadn't said anything at all, just like he had been doing since they were over. "I need myrrh."

"Cas!" Lydia was _really_ frustrated now. "Can you slow down and tell us exactly what's going on?" Then, as an afterthought, she added, "Myrrh?"

Cas, however, was already reappeared behind Dean and was drawing on the kitchen table with chalk. Dean tried again. "Why does Raphael want to bring back all this crap?"

"He's a traditionalist."

Dean sighed. "Cas, why didn't you tell us?"

"I was ashamed." The angel said calmly. "I expected more from my brothers. I'm sorry." He looked up at the hunter. "I need your blood." Cas reached over, grabbed Dean's palm, and sliced it.

"Whoa, whoa! Hey!" Dean winced in pain. "Why don't you use your own?"

"It wouldn't work," explained Cas. "I'm not human."

Dean squeezed his hand shut and watched as the blood ran down his hand and into the blood. Cas then added myrrh, the Holy Water, and other things to the bowl. The humans in the room watched, when suddenly, they heard sirens in the distance.

"Uh, Cas, how long does this spell take?" Sam asked.

"Got him." Castiel finally said. It seemed to take forever, and the sirens only got louder with each passing second. "Let's go."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Dean gestured towards the boy still lying on the bed. "What about him?"

Cas only looked confused. "Don't you think the police will take him home?"

Later that night, Lydia found herself with the two other hunters and Castiel, waiting outside a huge mansion. It was deadly quiet outside, and Lydia couldn't help but get an eerie feeling as she stared at the mansion.

It was Dean that finally broke the silence. "Huh. I was expecting more Dr. No, less Liberace."

All four of them started advancing towards the mansion, weapons drawn and looking around, ready for everything. Eventually, Cas found himself in a foyer, alone…except, he realized, for Lydia, who was right next to him. He didn't even know how they ended up in the room with each other, but she seemed entirely focused on the mission at hand, he decided that he should be, too.

Cas suddenly narrowed his eyes and was staring intently up the stairs. "Go back to Sam and Dean," he told her. "I need to go up there…"

"No!" Lydia impulsively reached out and grabbed his hand. Lydia blinked once, only once, and found herself upstairs. She looked around, surprised.

"What the hell…?" she looked back at Cas, who looked both surprised and angered.

"Why would you grab my hand when I am teleporting?"

Lydia shrugged indignantly. "I didn't know you were teleporting! I just didn't want you going alone!"

"Why not?" Cas' words were bitter and mocking. "I thought I 'disgusted' you."

"Jesus Christ, if you're going to be like this, I'll just go back downstairs." Lydia rolled her eyes and started for the stairs. Instead, Lydia felt her heart race when she Cas' hand touched her shoulder, holding her back.

"You can't go back down there now. You'll get yourself killed. Just stay with me right now."

Lydia shrugged his hand off of her and smirked at him. "I thought you said I was nothing to you."

"Sorry to interrupt…" Lydia and Cas both jumped apart, Lydia grabbing her gun and Cas his sword. Lydia stared at the man-angel?-in front of them. He was dressed lavishly and staring at the two of them with a smug look on his face. He had a British accent and looked at Castiel like they already knew each other. (Which, Lydia then remembered, they did.)

"Balthazar." Cas said. He hadn't seen his friend in years; he thought for sure that he was dead.

Balthazar smiled back at his brother. "It's so good to see you. He told me you were floating around." Then, he nodded at Lydia. "Pretty thing you got there with you. You finally got a girl, huh, Cas?"

"I'm not his girlfriend…"

"She's not my girlfriend…"

Lydia and Cas looked at each other, clearly annoyed with each other. They had both said nearly the same thing at the same time, and they looked less than thrilled about it. Balthazar had to resist a laugh-clearly, there was something between going on between these two.

"Anyway, Cas, I believe you and this guy over here know each other…" Balthazar flipped on the lights and stopped the music. The lights reveled the body of the angel that had attacked Cas earlier that day.

Cas stopped Balthazar before he could say anything else. "I grieved your death."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry about that, you know." Balthazar waved Cas' concerns away with a flick of his wrist. "I wanted them to think, you know, so…they wouldn't come looking for me?"

"What…" Cas gestured around the room. "…is all this? What are you doing?"

"Whatever I want!" Balthazar said it as though it was obvious. "This morning I had a ménage à…what's French for 12?"

Lydia decided that enough was enough. "You stole the Staff of Moses, didn't you?"

"Sure, sure," the angel with a British accent nodded. "I stole a _lot_ of things."

"I know you…" Cas continued seriously. "You're not some common thief."

"Common? No. Thief? Eh."

"But you still stole the Staff!" insisted Lydia.

Cas sighed, obviously under a great deal of stress. "I need your help. I need the weapons."

"Don't ask _that_."

So much for that. "Why take them? Why run away?" Cas questioned his brother.

"Because I _could_!" Balthazar explained. " You're the one who made it possible, Cas. You did more than rebel. You tore up the script and burned all the pages for us." Balthazar laughed. "It's a new era. No rules, no destiny. Just utter and complete freedom."

"And this is what you do with it?" Lydia raised her eyebrow critically.

Balthazar shrugged. "Hey, screw it, right? I mean, dad's not coming back. You might as well blow coke and jump on the bed. You proved to me that we could do anything, so I'm trying _everything_. What difference does it make?"

"Of course it makes a diff…" Cas couldn't even finish his sentence, he was so angry. "It's civil war up there!"

"I know."

"You know!" Lydia grew angry as well. "Your brother freaking needs you! What the hell are you doing, fooling around on Earth!"

Cas nodded. "She's right, Balthazar. If we can beat Raphael, we can end this! Just give me the weapons!"

Balthazar, in response, only laughed again. "You know what's funny about you? You actually believe that you can stop the fighting. It will never stop. My advice-grab something valuable and fake your death."

"You've gone insane," Cas studied his brother closely. "Your little holiday is over. Raphael knows you're alive by now."

"Oh, Raphael can try me anytime. I'm armed." Balthazar didn't seem to concerned at the mention of the archangel. "I'm sorry, Cas. All else aside, I'm really, really happy to see you. Even though you still have that stick up your ass." He nodded at Lydia. "She's a nice-looking girl. Get laid once or twice, it might help a bit."

Instead of a response from Cas or Lydia, thunder sounded from overhead. The tiniest bit of worry showed on Balthazar's face. "Was that you, Cas?" When Cas shook his head, Balthazar took a deep breath. "Oh, that's my cue then. Tell, uh, Raphael to bite me." Lydia blinked once-only once-and Balthazar was gone.


	8. Imagine All The People

** (A/N)-Reviewers-you guys rock. The Powers That Be-you own, I don't. Here we go! (And for those of you who have asked if they're going to get together again-good things come to those who wait…) EDIT: Sorry if you get two emails for this chapter. Apparently the line-thingy doesn't work on , so I'm trying to fix it. Sorry!**

Another flash of lightning struck. Lydia and Cas looked up at the ceiling, then back at each other anxiously.

"Raphael?" Lydia asked.

Cas nodded. "Him and his followers." He took hold of Lydia's wrist and pulled her behind his back. "Stay behind me. If I tell you to run, you run."

"Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England," Lydia snorted. "You think I'm just going to run from a fight?"

A flash of lightning and thunder struck again, drowning out Cas' words back to her. Besides, they had another issue at hand-an angel was standing in the corner, sneering menacingly at Castiel and Lydia.

"Lyd! Go!" Cas thundered, looking at the angel. He turned back to her, and Lydia could see the fear in his eyes. Protecting her, Cas turned back to the angel, who was walking towards them, ready to attack. "You're making a mistake. Please. There is another way." But the angel didn't heed Cas' warnings. "Brother, please. I don't want to hurt you…"

"But I will." Without really thinking, Lydia eyed the angel-killing sword in Cas' hand and grabbed it, then threw it into the angel's chest. The angel screamed in pain, and after a few seconds, all that was left was an empty vessel lying on the floor.

Cas and Lydia stood there, breathing heavily for a few seconds before looking back at each other.

"Did you listen to a word I said?" Cas asked her breathlessly.

Lydia shook her head. "No, not really."

Then, at an alarming speed, Lydia felt her body being torn away from Cas by some invisible force and slammed into a wall. She tried to move, to get away, but found that she couldn't-she was trapped. She looked towards Cas for help, but her eyes widened with surprise and horror. "Cas, look out!"

Cas was grabbed behind by another angel, who struck the fear of God into Lydia just by looking at him. He spoke slowly and dangerously into Cas' ear. "Well, well. Hello, Castiel. How nice to see you." The angel shoved Cas into a set of double doors, that opened with the force of Cas' body. The angel, instead of stepping towards him, noticed Lydia out of the corner of his eye and walked over towards her.

"You must be the blasphemous whore I've heard so much about." The angel let go of the force pinning Lydia to the wall, but grabbed her by the throat and stared at her face. "You must have heard the rumors, haven't you? Castiel flies away from heaven to check on you almost every day." The angel shook his head, disgusted. "You must think he really loves you."

"Raphael." Lydia was struggling to breathe. "You're Raphael."

Raphael didn't answer her; he tightened his grip around her throat and dragged her to the room that Cas was in. He was lying on the floor, clearly injured, and stared at Raphael and Lydia.

"Don't bring her into this, Raphael," Cas sounded hurt, but there was a deadly anger creeping through. "Let her go right now."

There was a slight smirk on Raphael's face. "If you insist…" He shoved Lydia onto the floor, not reacting at all as her head hit the wall with a sickening thud. She blinked a few times, groaning. She felt dizzy, her head was pounding, and she thought for sure that she was going to throw up. It was a concussion for sure. Everything around her was fuzzy, but she couldn't even sit up, the pain in her head was so bad. She watched helplessly as Raphael viciously kicked Cas while he was down, then hauled him to his feet and punched the trench coat-wearing angel in the face repeatedly. Cas fell down a flight of stairs, and Lydia felt her heart sink. Raphael was going to kill him.

She struggled to her feet and bite down on her lip to hold back the vomit that was rising, then stumbled to the dead angel's body. After a few feeble attempts, she managed to get the blade out of his body, and she raced to the top of the stairs, where she saw Raphael holding his own sword over Cas, ready to strike. Without really thinking, Lydia chucked the sword towards Raphael, missing horribly. Raphael looked up at her, his eyes ice-cold and devoid of all emotion.

"You poor, dumb animal," Raphael shook his head. "After I'm done with my brother here, you will be punished for that."

"Hey!" Cas, Lydia, and Raphael all looked to find Balthazar holding a glowing crystal. "Look at my junk."

"No." Raphael actually looked frightened, but then began to turn to…salt? Eventually, there was nothing left of the archangel except a pile of white, grain-like salt.

Balthazar chuckled, look at what was left of his dangerous, powerful brother. "Same thing happened to Lot's wife. Iodize the poor sucker, and your kitchen is stocked for life."

Castiel, however, didn't seem to notice Balthazar's words; he only noticed Lydia, swaying on her feet. She looked like she was going to collapse down the stairs any second. He quickly got up and raced up the giant staircase up to her.

"Lyd!" he said sharply, grabbing her face to assess the damage. But instead, he found himself supporting her completely as she fell into his arms, her head buried against his chest. Cas shifted the girl in his arms so he could get a good look at her face. "Lydia, look at me."

Lydia looked up at angel, still leaning on his chest, her hands clutching his shirt. She nodded slightly, then winced at the pain that shot through her head.

"I'm okay," she muttered. "Ghosts and vampires I can handle. Don't think I'm used to fighting angels yet."

Cas felt the corners of his mouth twitch upward. _That's my girl, _he thought silently. He placed his hand against her cheek, almost startled at the memory of how right, how familiar this felt. Her eyes were shut, but Cas worked his magic quickly; by the time her eyes were open, Cas had healed her completely.

Lydia nodded, sighing. "Thanks." She continued to stare at the angel, who was staring at her, neither of them even remembering Balthazar was in the room until he coughed uncomfortably. They quickly jumped apart, and it was then that Lydia realized they had been clinching to each other and keeping contact with each other until the very last second.

Lydia, for once, actually had a chance to relax. It had been almost three weeks since that whole mess with Raphael had happened, and Bobby had finally gotten his soul back. It was a messy business-Lydia had to help him torture a few crossroad demons, help Rufus bury a body, and get the Feds off their back-but it had all worked out. Dean and Sam were, as far as she knew, working on a vampire case in Illinois. Bobby and herself had just finished a case in North Dakota two days ago, but now they had some down time, looking for another case. Lydia was currently on her laptop as she lied on her bed, typing away and looking for a new case, when she looked up and saw a familiar face standing in her bedroom.

"Hiya, Cas," Lydia kept her eyes focused on the computer screen, but she smiled anyway.

Cas looked around curiously. "Hello." Then, he added, "So this is your room now?"

Lydia nodded. "Yeah. It's bigger than my old room in Iowa. And it's less drafty." She closed her laptop and shoved it under the bed, having completely lost interest in any kind of research. "So what're you doing here?"

"I wanted to say hello."

"Oh, come on, Cas," Lydia said disbelieving. "You're never here just to say hello."

Castiel looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed. "You don't know that." When Lydia only looked at him, her eyebrow raised, he sighed and sat on the other end of her bed. "I'm exhausted and completely drained. This war is taking a toll on me."

"The war in heaven?" Lydia asked him quietly.

"Yes," he nodded. "I do not know how much more of it I can take…" Cas looked back at Lydia, a faint smile on his face. "Which is why I needed a break. And you were the first person I could think of that I could talk to…"

"That wouldn't start yelling at you or call you a dick in a trench coat?" Lydia finished his sentence for him, Dean immediately coming to mind.

Cas nodded. "Exactly. He is under an immeasurable amount of stress, but…so am I."

Lydia thought for a second, then scooted a little closer to him and said, "So you've got all your angel powers back, right?"

"Yes…" Cas wasn't sure what to make of the look on Lydia's face. "Why?"

"Well," Lydia began mischievously. "You said you needed a break. When humans need a break, we go on vacation." Cas immediately opened his mouth to protest, but Lydia only continued talking. "Come on, it'll be fun! Three hours, that's all I'm asking for." She held up her fingers. "They can do without you for three hours."

Cas genuinely seemed surprised. "I thought…that you were still angry at me. That you didn't want to see me anymore."

"Well..." Lydia mentally kicked herself. She _had_ said that, hadn't she? "It's all water under the bridge now. You saved my life. It kind of changes things, y'know?"

Cas shook his head. "Not really."

Lydia rolled her eyes and smiled again. "So let's go! Somewhere! Anywhere! We'll just go get something to eat and romp around or whatever." Lydia, not even noticing what she was doing, grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers. "_Please_!" she begged.

Cas found it was extremely hard to ignore her pleading smile, and the feeling he got when she held his hand. "Fine. Where would you like to go?"

"You're awesome," Lydia grinned, then looked down on the bed, still thinking. (She hadn't let go of his hand, though) "Hm…New York. I went to New York City when I was thirteen with my mother, and it was the greatest thing ever."

"I have been there too," Cas said. "Many years ago, when it was first being established by…"

Lydia held up her hand. "No history lesson. This is a vacation." She looked out the window. "Okay, I'll go tell Bobby I'm going to work. You poof outside or whatever, and I'll meet you there." Cas nodded, and in an instant, he had vanished.

Lydia, as quickly as she could, put on a pair of leggings, the nicest clean shirt she could find, a pair of heeled boots, and a light, fall jacket. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her makeup still looked decent from earlier this morning, and her hair was perfectly straightened. (She had let it grown to shoulder-length and had let it fade to it's natural brown color) Satisfied-and trying to ignore the butterflies that had suddenly appeared in her stomach-she grabbed all two hundred dollars she had, stuffed it in her pocket, and went down the stairs. As she passed by Bobby's study, she called, "Hey! I'm going to work!"

"Make good choices! And use protection!" Bobby called back-his usual goodbye, though he had seemed a bit happier now that he had his soul back. Lydia rolled her eyes and walked outside, seeing Castiel waiting for her. She looked at the sky-it was almost 5 in the evening, and the sun was going to set in over an hour.

"Wow, I love sunsets," Lydia stared at the sky. "Isn't it pretty?" Then she looked at Cas nervously. "You ready, or…?"

"Of course." Cas held out his arm to the girl, indicating her to hold it. With her cheeks growing red and a smile on her lips, Lydia slipped her arm through his. She shut her eyes for a little over three seconds, and when she opened them again, she was in Times Square.

Lydia smiled up, looking around at all the lights and the buildings and the people. "Isn't it amazing?"

Cas looked at her, not even once glancing at the city itself. "Yes."

Lydia tucked a piece of hair behind her ear sheepishly. "So, uh…you still like hamburgers?"

Just like Lydia had promised, they were only in the city for three hours. They had walked around the city, gone different places to eat, and had literally talked the whole time-there wasn't a silence that lasted more than five seconds max. Cas had talked about the war in heaven, how his life was before meeting the Winchesters, how his life had changed since then. Lydia talked about her childhood with her mother, her life before meeting Cas at that diner, what being a hunter was like. Of course, they both had steered clear any mention of their relationship; they just hadn't talked about it. It was like all those months had never happened.

Now, it was close to eleven-thirty at night, and they were standing at the gates to Central Park, deciding whether to go in or not.

"I dunno, Cas…" Lydia bit her lip nervously.

Castiel, on the other hand, seemed eager to go see the park. (In all honesty, he could've cared less about the park itself-he just wanted to stay with her a little longer, stay away from heaven for a few hours more) "Why not? The man said it was open all night."

Lydia shrugged. "It's late at night. My mom grew up in Brooklyn, and she said that the crime rate in Central Park at night is crazy high. It's probably not safe."

Cas, feeling bold, reached over and grabbed her hand and held it tightly. "You're with me. If anybody bothers you, I'll take care of them."

"My hero!" Lydia jokingly gushed in a fake Southern accent. Cas only squeezed her hand again and they started walking through the park. Lydia pointed at the monuments and different things she recognized, but her entire face completely lit up when she reached to what looked like a giant circle in the ground to Castiel.

"Oh my God, I totally forgot about Strawberry Fields!" Lydia let go of Cas' hand and raced over to the giant circle that said "Imagine" in it. She whipped out her phone and opened the camera, then handed it to Cas. "Take a picture, take a picture!" When Cas only stared at this strange technology, Lydia rolled her eyes. "You press the middle button."

Cas took the picture of Lydia crouching next to the circle, then handed her the phone back. "What is this, exactly?"

"It's called Strawberry Fields," Lydia explained. "It's dedicated to John Lennon, who was a really famous musician who died like thirty years ago. He made a song called Strawberry Fields Forever, so after he died, they took a section of the park and made him a memorial."

Cas nodded, looking at the circle. "Why does it say Imagine?"

"That was a really famous song he wrote." Lydia put her hands in her pocket and looked at the memorial. "People come and decorate the circle all the time. That's why there's flowers and pictures of him all over it." Then she grabbed her phone again and opened up the camera. "Hey, go sit next to it. I'm going to take a picture of you."

"Is that really necessary?" Cas didn't look to thrilled with the suggestion.

Lydia smiled and nodded at him. "Absolutely. Now go." Cas went over and stood next to the circle, his back straight and his expression serious. Lydia took the picture, then showed him the screen. "You look great." Then, Lydia stared down at the picture and said, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, of course." The angel nodded.

"See, when Raphael had me pinned against the wall…" Lydia sighed. "He said that you came down from heaven to check on me almost everyday."

Cas suddenly became very interested in his shoes and continued to stare down at them. "He was lying."

"Was he?"

"…It wasn't just you," Cas confessed quietly. "I checked on you, Dean, Bobby, even Sam sometimes. And it wasn't everyday." Cas sighed again. "But it was very close."

Lydia nodded in understanding. "Oh." She then realized how that sounded. "I was just curious…" They were both silent for a while before Lydia looked at the time, her heart sinking. "Well, it's been three hours. You're free to go now."

Cas didn't look happy about that. "Wonderful. More time to go fight a war that I'm losing terribly." He looked back up at Lydia. "I didn't mean to worry you…"

"I'm not worried," Lydia lied and she shrugged her shoulders. "You're strong. I have faith you'll pull through."

"I should probably get you home…" Cas started.

"Oh, yeah," Lydia nodded. "I have to work in like an hour…"

"Right." Cas stepped towards her and cupped her face with his hand. They just stood there, staring into each other's eyes before Cas said, "Close your eyes. The next time you open them, you'll be back at Bobby's."

Lydia nodded again. "Okay." She started to shut her eyes, then opened them again.

"What?" Cas asked her, concerned.

"I…" Lydia was whispering softly; she was sure her voice would break if she spoke even a little bit louder. "I don't want to go yet."

Cas continued to stare at the girl in front of him a little longer, and realized right then and there that his feelings for her hadn't changed a bit since that day he saw her in that diner. Overwhelmed, he stepped forward quickly and kissed her passionately.

Lydia was surprised and almost froze on the spot, but it felt so good, so familiar, her body did things before she could even begin to think about then. She returned the kiss, their lips moving in sync, and she stepped even closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. All those nights with Sam didn't even come close to this. She had always known she had missed Castiel, but she hadn't realized how much she had missed him until right then and there, kissing the angel in the middle of Central Park. She remembered how much she loved him. She, Lydia Carmichael, was still completely, totally, and hopelessly in love with Cas…

And just like that, it was over. His body heat and his kiss were suddenly gone, and the next time Lydia opened her eyes, she was back at Bobby's.


	9. I'm Falling Even More In Love With You

** (A/N)-So I'm really happy that the last chapter got a really positive response! To those of you who have reviewed, I love reading your thoughts and your comments always make me smile, you guys rock my world. I'm just playing in Kripke's sandbox, by the way-I don't own Supernatural. Lydia's mine, though, but nothing else. And, since I feel bad because I can't reply to anonymous reviews through PM, I'll respond to them here. So, lpwriter4life-Yeah, I'm a HUGE Beatles/John Lennon fan, can you tell? And I love Bobby's he's awesome to write for…Anyway, here's chapter 9! **

Lydia was sure that, after their kiss in Central Park, she had finally worked out the issues between her and Castiel…Okay, actually, that was a total lie. She had absolutely no clue where she stood with Cas. She was hoping that they had finally worked out their issues and that they were together again, but she knew that it was mostly wishful thinking on her part. She hadn't heard from Cas in over a week. Actually, neither she nor Bobby had heard from Sam and Dean, either. And Lydia didn't even want to _think_ about Sam and what was going on between them. She cared for him, a weird, warped way, but she slowly realized, as the week dragged on, that she was still in love with Cas and always had been. Whatever was going on between her and Sam, it had to stop. She just wished she knew _how_ to make it stop.

Of course, things got interesting one night. Lydia was upstairs on her laptop. She started out looking a new case, but that stopped after about ten minutes and now she was on level ten of Burger Shop while listening to her music library on the laptop on shuffle. And reading some fanfiction on the side. What could she say? Fanfiction's addicting stuff. After a while, she heard her cell phone ring, and she picked it up. "Dean?"

"Lydia, hey," Dean said. "I got a question for ya."

"Shoot."

Dean took a deep breath. "You got anything you want to tell me?"

Lydia felt like she was going to pass out; he knew. Dean knew what was going on with her and Sam. But why would Sam tell him? She got that they were brothers, but it was still really personal. "Um, no…"

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Lydia felt a sudden rush of words come out, like they were forced; she couldn't stop them. "Besides the fact that I'm banging your brother and your girlfriend's a huge bitch, nope."

Dean was stunned. "Wait, what!"

"Shit!" Lydia clapped her hand over her mouth. "I have no idea why I just said that."

"I might have an idea," Dean sounded more tired than angry. Then, he asked, "You banged my brother?"

Horrified, Lydia started telling him _everything_. "Yeah. It started like three months after he came back. We're just fuck buddies, though, not a relationship. I mean, I liked him a lot, but he's kind of a dick."

Dean didn't know exactly what to say to that. "Okay…"

"Yeah, that's part of it. But mostly, I'm still in love with Cas," Lydia tried to shut her mouth, but she physically _couldn't_. "We were kissing in Central Park last week. I really love him too. I mean, Sam's way better in bed and has a bigger penis, but I'll take Cas any day."

"Whoa, whoa! Stop!" Dean practically yelled into the phone. "Lydia, I really don't need to hear anymore..." But Dean had just remembered what Lydia had said only seconds before. "Wait, why is my girlfriend a bitch?"

"Oh, simple," Lydia said. "Because she found out I was a stripper, because Bobby locked me out and I had to crawl through the window when I got home from work, and she freaked out and assumed I was going to steal you away. But you're really not my type, and you can be an asshole. Like, no offense, but Sam's my favorite. Then again, Bobby likes you better, so I guess it evens out." Lydia paused and thought for a second. "Did you know that Bobby loves Tori Spelling? He watches her show all the time."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Okay. Thanks, Lyd."

"Yeah, he also gets pedicures sometimes. He was drunk the one night and told me." Lydia's face was beet-red by now, but she still couldn't stop talking. "Did you know his first girlfriend was a…"

"Alright, talk to you later, kid." Dean hung up the phone before he could hear anything else. He was pretty sure that he was scarred for life.

Lydia stared at her cell phone, humiliated beyond belief. "Oh my God."

"It's not your fault." Lydia looked up to see Cas looking down on her. "Dean and Sam are working a case in Calumet City where people are being forced to tell the truth. Dean was just testing a theory, I assume."

Lydia nodded weakly. "Great."

Cas put his hands in his pocket and cocked his head to the side, looking at her closely. "Are you alright?"

"No!" Lydia snapped at him as she shook her head. "Sam's going to kill me for telling Dean that we were fooling around, then kill me again because I won't sleep with him, Dean's going to kill me for calling Lisa a bitch like that, and now Bobby's going to kill me for telling Dean all of his personal secrets." Lydia flopped down face-first on the bed. "I don't suppose you have a reason to kill me too?"

Cas, instead of answering her, went over and grabbed her hands and pulled her to her feet so she was looking straight at him. He wrapped his arms around her waist at the same time as Lydia put her arms around his neck, her eyes not leaving his for even a second.

"Hello." Cas told her, even though no words were needed; he was just happy to be in her presence.

"Hi." Lydia said quietly.

The angel planted quick kiss on her forehead. "How are you?"

"Fine." Lydia seemed quiet, withdrawn. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Lydia held him even tighter; it didn't even seem real. After almost a year and a half of being alone, she had him back with her. She was irrationally afraid that if she let go of him, he'd disappear again. "No, not just last week. Like, this whole year. Since you left. I've missed you."

Lydia felt Cas nod against her shoulder. "I know. Me too."

"So how's the war going?" Lydia quietly asked him.

Cas smiled weakly. "Terribly." He looked back at her seriously. "You seem upset."

Lydia shrugged. "Yeah?"

"Why?"

"I don't know," Lydia confessed. "I mean, I'm happy that you're here and you don't completely hate me. But Dean probably does, and now Sam probably does, and it just seems like the world's going to hell, and sometimes I just feel like I've totally lost myself and I really don't know what else to do. Not to mention I'm freaked beyond belief that Raphael is going to kill you, and I'm just having a crappy day." She paused, looking up at him. "Does that make any sense?"

Castiel nodded. "In a way." But it still didn't make Lydia feel any better. Cas felt like an idiot, but he started awkwardly moving to the music. At least he got what he wanted; Lydia burst out laughing and literally couldn't stop.

"Oh my gosh! Never do that again!"

Cas looked slightly offended. "Why?"

Lydia shook her head, still laughing. "You can't dance."

"How do you know?" Cas furrowed his eyebrows.

"I just saw you!" Lydia's smile was bigger than it had been in a while. "That was terrible!"

"Fine," Cas challenged her. "Then you try it."

Lydia snorted. "Please, I'm twice the dancer you'll ever be, buddy."

Cas almost completely forgot about the war, about Sam, about Dean-about everything. He knew, in the back of his mind, that he and Lydia didn't have much time, but he could at least make that time count. Smiling, he asked mischievously, "You think so?"

"Oh, I know so." Lydia smirked.

Cas shrugged and said, "Fine," but then quickly scooped her off her feet and held her in his arms. "That any better?"

"C'mon, Cas!" Lydia protested, still smiling. "Put me down!"

"Make me." Cas couldn't help but lose himself in the moment. He wasn't at all acting like the solider he should've been; he was acting like a child, but he didn't care.

Lydia, thinking quickly, brought her hand down and poked the angel in the ribs. It worked; Cas nearly dropped her and stared at the ceiling, tight-lipped.

"You're ticklish!" Lydia exclaimed, excited.

"Lydia…"

This was _great_. She had no idea how she had gone so long without knowing this _vital_ piece of information, but this was just priceless. Lydia tickled Cas' rib again, and he jumped, almost dropping her again.

"Unfortunately, my vessel is very sensitive to…" Cas never finished his sentence, because Lydia's fingers were now dancing up and down his ribcage, and he dropped her and collapsed on the bed, laughing harder than he ever had before. An angel of the lord, actually laughing. It was almost beyond belief.

"Enough, enough!" Cas caught both of Lydia's hands in his and found himself still smiling. "You are one of the strangest humans I've ever met. And you're incredibly frustrating sometimes."

"So I've been told." Lydia smiled back at him, trying not to blush. She knew that it was ridiculous-an angel of the Lord and a stripper who hunted monsters were acting like stupid teenagers in love-but she honestly couldn't have been happier. She quickly shut her eyes and kissed him on the lips, breathing in his scent and tasting his mouth. She moved her hand to caress his cheek, and tried not to cry with happiness when she felt Cas kiss her back, his tongue now in her mouth. Their kisses grew even more heated and more passionate, and Lydia sat up, tugging off Cas' trench coat and the rest of his clothes until he was wearing nothing. At the same time, Cas was tearing off her clothes just as quickly. He had missed her so much…

Compared to the last time they had sex, this was much shorter-only about ten minutes. Cas and Lydia, gasping and breathing heavily, lay next to each other, both of them staring at each other.

"You know Bobby's downstairs?" Lydia was trying to catch her breath. "He might've heard us."

Cas nodded. "I know."

Lydia thought for a second. "Wanna go again?"

"Yes." Cas had barely said that one syllable before Lydia was on top of him again, kissing him passionately and running her fingers through his hair. Cas started moaning with pleasure and grabbed her tightly, kissing her even more passionately.

Sometime later, Bobby Singer went upstairs, going to see if the girl had found anything about a new case. He was about to knock on the door when he heard Lydia breathing heavily. "No, not there…Cas…oh my God! Oh my God, Cas!"

Bobby had heard enough. He slowly crept downstairs, returning to his study. That's what he got, he supposed, having a twenty-five year old girl living in his house. At the same time, he was beaming with pride. He had been rooting for Lydia and Cas since day one; there was just something right, something natural about the two of them. And the way that Cas looked at her, it reminded him of the way he had looked at his wife long ago. Still, he'd rather not hear anything they were doing in that room. Nothing would ever erase those noises from his mind.

Three hours later, they were finally done. Cas was holding Lydia in his arms as they just lay there silently, neither saying a word.

Until…

"Castiel?"

Cas looked at Lydia, playing with her hair. "Yes?"

"I love you." Once Cas saw the look in her eyes, he knew immediately that she meant it. She really loved him. That fact alone made him happier than he had been in over a year.

"I love you too." Cas kissed her lips again, then her forehead one last time. Then, he only sighed. "Lyd, this war…I don't even know what I'm doing. I feel like I'm losing, but then I think maybe, just maybe, I can win…" Cas buried his face in her hair. "I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life."

Lydia shut her eyes, hating what she was hearing and what she was saying. "I'm scared too. If you lose…what Raphael will do to you…"

"He'll take me away from you," Cas raised his head to look her in the eyes. "I'll die over and over again, slowly and painfully, until the end of time. I'll never get into Heaven, and I won't be able to see you ever again."

"Don't talk about that," Lydia was nothing short of terrified, yet kept talking. "Is there anything I can do? Can I help a little bit, so you can win?"

Cas shook his head firmly. "Lyd, no. You saw Raphael, how he is. If he finds out about us, he will punish you too. And if you help me, he'll show absolutely no mercy."

Lydia groaned, frustrated. "So there's nothing we can do?"

Cas kissed her cheek gently. "If I find something to help us, I'll tell you. But until then…" he shrugged. "We enjoy each other's company as long as we can."

"And not fight anymore?" Lydia smiled, turning her body to face him again.

Cas nodded and started tracing random patterns on her arm. "Yes, that would be beneficial."


	10. Poison and Wine

**(A/N)-Guys, I am SO sorry for the slow update. I was almost done with this chapter when my computer crashed and we lost all of our files. So I was able to borrow my grandma's computer (FINALLY) and rewrite this entire thing, so again, I'm sorry. On top of that, I'm back at school and in another play, so I'm busy, and I've had major writer's block, because I wasn't sure exactly how to approach this chapter. Warning: The following chapter has a rape scene and the story is being bumped up to M because of it. It's not a terribly graphic scene, but if you're uncomfortable reading it, you can skip this chapter, because future chapters will not include the rape itself, but they will include the after effects. I do not, in any way, encourage or condone rape. This is not a "twist" in the story and shouldn't be taken as just an interesting plot device or lightly. This has been an issue I've wanted to include in this story from the start, and went back and forth about it for a long time. I have decided to include it because it is something that will affect all characters involved in this for a very long time. I don't own Supernatural, and read at your own caution. **

The next time Lydia opened her eyes, Cas was-not surprisingly-gone. Probably heaven again. Even though she knew damn well that he was fighting a war and shouldn't be down on Earth in the first place, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of pain when she realized he was long gone. He was pretty much the most important thing in her life, however stupid that sounded. Without him, life was nothing but hunting and stripping. And now that she had him again…it felt amazing. The only thing wrong was the fear of losing him again. That cloud of worry and anxiety hung over her like a dark cloud, following her everywhere she went. Even to the club that night, which is were everything went to hell.

Lydia rarely had the opportunity to take a break and relax while at her job, so when she saw the chance to kick back and have a drink for a few minutes, she took it. She sat alone at a table, watching the girls on stage with casual interest, drinking a beer. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a man sit down at the table next to her. Rolling her eyes, she said, "Okay, listen buddy, I'm not on duty right now…" Her jaw nearly dropped to the floor when she turned her head to see the man. "_Sam_?"

Sam winked at her, wearing that slight smirk that he always wore. "Hey kid. Haven't seen ya in a while."

"Yeah, I guess not…" Lydia stared down at her drink, then remembered exactly who she was talking to and downed the rest of her bottle.

Sam nodded, smiling curiously at her. "Wow. You're starting to pick up on some of Bobby's alcoholic tendencies."

"You're hysterical." Lydia's lip curled up in disgust as the girl on stage started taking off her shirt seductively. "That girl, Maya, is about as sexy as a freaking frog. She's so not doing it right…"

"Then you go up there and do it." Sam wasn't trying to be funny; his voice was as serious as could be.

Lydia felt incredibly awkward-sitting next to her friend with benefits in the strip club that she worked at, the alcohol finally starting to kick in, and her thoughts only on the angel that she was in love with-and almost thought about buying another beer. "On break right now. Don't feel like it."

"Well, I think you should." Lydia shifted uncomfortably under Sam's gaze and at his words. Sam definitely seemed to notice-it was hard to miss-and smiled at her. "I mean, I've seen you do it before. You're quite good at it."

"Dude, this is getting weird." Lydia looked in the other direction and silently willed the Winchester to just leave. Or melt into a puddle. Or just disappear completely.

Of course, Sam ignored the hint completely. He put his arm around her seductively, kissing her neck. "So how about we just go back to Bobby's, huh?" Sam stopped for a second. "Or the bathroom. The bathroom'll work for me."

"Look, Sam," Lydia turned around to face Sam, grabbing his arm and pushing it away. "Not to be rude, but this isn't working for me anymore."

"Um…okay." Sam only looked mildly confused. "Why?"

Lydia sat there, her mouth opening and closing rapidly, like a fish. "Well, I just think that I have way too much self-respect to do that kind of stuff anymore. And really, so should you. I think it's just for the best that we…"

"Lydia?"

Lydia stopped talking and looked at Sam. "Yeah?"

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"Is not!" Lydia protested.

"Lyd, I lie professionally." Sam explained. "I know a lie when I see one. So I'm calling your bluff. You don't want to sleep with me anymore. Okay, fine. Tell me why." Lydia only rolled her eyes and looked away from him again, not wanting to admit to him about her and Castiel.

However, Sam already seemed to know. "Is this about Cas? You're still not over a freaking angel in a trench coat? You're serious?"

"No, I'm not, okay!" Lydia snapped irritably. "I was never over him! Never! And I'm still not! Especially since we're together again!"

Sam only blinked nonchalantly. "Okay, and?"

"And I'm not going to sleep with you if I'm with him!" Lydia shouted over the blaring music.

"Why not?"

"Because!" Lydia was so frustrated with Sam Winchester she could've slapped him. "Because I'm in love with him, and not with you!"

Sam looked like he still didn't get her logic. "So? You have a boyfriend. Great. What he doesn't know won't hurt him."

Lydia was furious, almost beyond words "Are you joking? Cas is a freaking angel, genius. He's obviously going to find out!"

Sam nodded slowly, which frustrated Lydia even further. "And there it is."

"What is what?" Lydia didn't understand.

"You," Sam pointed at her. "You claimed that, when I tried pushing you to sleep with me, that you didn't want to because Cas would find out. You never said it was because you didn't want to."

"That's…" Lydia couldn't even think of anything else to say. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she _did_ want to. To an extent. She loved Cas-there was no question about that-but Sam was…Sam was something special. He could be the most frustrating, aggravating, intolerable asshole that ever lived, but Lydia couldn't help but find herself drawn to him. Cas was a sweet, awkward angel, and she was head over heels for him, but Sam Winchester was dangerous. Fierce. Aggressive. And hot. He was plenty hot. Not to mention, he was way more stable than Castiel was. Sam was the best damn hunter Lydia had ever known, with the possible exception of Dean and John all those years ago. He could get out of any situation without even a scratch. Cas could die at any given moment. He could've been dead already, for all Lydia knew. She hated herself for thinking all of these thoughts, but they were the truth. This is what Lydia Carmichael was thinking before she kissed Sam Winchester. She didn't even know why she did it, but she did.

It was as familiar as could be-the way Sam kissed her back, his strong arms lifting her out of her seat and carrying her back to his car, the shedding of the clothes, the warmth of his hands roaming her body, everything. They were so close, but right before they did the deed, Lydia gasped out, "Stop!"

Sam stopped, looking down at her, his breathing heavily. "What? You're still on the pill, right?"

"No!" Lydia groaned. "Just stop. I don't want to do this."

"Oh, boo hoo," Sam said sarcastically. "You're in love with angel boy, I get it."

"Sam, get off of me! Get _off_!" Lydia screamed, trying to shove him off of her. However, Sam was a six foot four giant of a man, and Lydia was a tiny little girl. She didn't stand a chance.

Sam definitely seemed amused at her attempts, however. "Are you done, then?"

"Just let me up!" Lydia was punching, kicking, and yelling her heart out, but she still couldn't get Sam to get off of her. Sam, however, seemed bored with her protests, and started kissing her again. He had her completely pinned to the backseat, and it was when Lydia felt Sam starting to spread her legs apart that she knew she was in trouble. Before she could make another sound, Sam had his hand clamped over her mouth and he slowly slid into her. Lydia threw her head back and screamed, to Cas, to Bobby, to God-to anyone who might be listening.

Unexpectedly, her prayers were answered. Sam was suddenly torn away from her and thrown across the front seat. Lydia jumped up, ready to bolt from the car, but a familiar trench coat was thrown at her. Cas. He would be the one to save her. Letting out a grateful sob, Lydia put on the coat and looked to the front scene to find Cas punching Sam repeatedly. Sam was bleeding heavily and pleading with the angel to stop, but with one last blow to the face, Castiel knocked him completely unconscious. As soon as Sam's head fell back against the seat, Cas in the backseat with Lydia, his arms wrapped tightly around her. Every fiber of her being wanted to scream, to fight, to get away, but Lydia was hyperventilating and crying harder than she ever had before.

"Lydia," Cas started stroking her hair and clinging to her protectively. "How long did he?"

"I don't know!" Lydia screamed painfully, her sobs consuming her completely. "Five minutes? Maybe? I don't know! Oh my God, oh my God…"

And she felt two fingertips brush her forehead, and everything went blissfully dark.

**A/N- Yes, for the record, I do believe that Soulless Sam was a rapist, or at least attempted them. I have nothing against the "real" Sam Winchester and love him dearly, but his soulless self had no moral compass and was capable of doing something like this.**


	11. Sad Girl

**(A/N)- You guys are so awesome, I really love each and every single one of you that read (and especially review) this little fanfic here. I know last chapter was depressing, to say the least, but again, thanks for sticking with me, guys. I don't own anything except Lydia-you all should know that by now-and here is Chapter 11. Oh yeah, and to lpwriter4life-Thanks for your review! Yes, poor Bobby never catches a break. And yeah, Lydia and Cas are together. For now. In a way. And this is for all of you…DID YOU SEE THAT SEASON 7 PREMIERE! Holy shit, Misha was amazing! But Cas was…no words. I'm still in shock. Okay, I'm done for real. Shutting up now.**

"I think she's waking up." Castiel's voice suddenly emerged from the nothingness of Lydia's mind. Lydia, her eyes still shut, shifted a little bit as a natural reaction, almost like instinct. She had heard his voice, clear as a bell, and she sensed his presence.

"Cas?" Her words came out garbled and confused. She felt a hand smooth her hair down and opened her eyes to see the angel himself standing over her, clearly worried.

"Lydia," Cas seemed grateful that she was awake. "Are you alright?"

Lydia didn't answer him right away, she just stared up towards him, but not looking quite at him. The memories from before were coming back to her at an alarming rate, much too fast for her to process. She only stared and started breathing quicker than usual, but eventually the memories became too much and painful for her to deal. Lydia turned away from Castiel and buried her head in her arms. She wasn't crying, she was just too numb to move, to speak, to do anything.

"Lydia…" Cas sat down next to her on the hotel bed and looked up at Dean Winchester, who was staring at the girl with a mixture of pity and awkwardness. It was clear to Cas that Dean had no idea what to do. Of course, neither did he. Cas' first reaction was to kill Sam Winchester. When he saw exactly what Sam had done to her, his only thought was to kill him. But Cas couldn't. Sam was his friend, as was Dean. As much as he wanted to, Cas couldn't kill him.

Sam Winchester himself was tied to a chair, blood still running down his face from the beating that Cas had given him. When Cas had brought Sam back to Dean in the hotel room, Dean had nearly torn off the angel's head off. But when Dean heard exactly what Sam had done to Lydia, he looked at his brother with pure disgust, a look Cas hadn't seen the elder Winchester give his brother since Sam's demon blood-drinking days, and tied Sam to the chair. Dean confessed to Castiel that he had been worried about Sam since that vampire hunt gone wrong, but that this was just so unlike Sam, something was obviously seriously wrong with him.

Cas, however, was much more concerned about Lydia's well-being than Sam's. He had a very limited knowledge of rape and how exactly this would affect Lydia, but from what he did know, it wasn't gong to be pretty. He was almost having flashbacks to Lydia's withdrawal almost two years before, and if her suffering was anything close to the hell she had went through then, he didn't know how he was going to handle that. On one hand, he was incredibly furious at Lydia; she had kissed Sam back and was willingly going to have sex with him, only to change her mind at the last second. It went without saying that he was so upset with Sam, he could've killed him on the spot. Castiel was at a total lost of what to. It seemed that he felt that way an awful lot lately.

Cas leaned over and started whispering into Lydia's ear so neither Dean or Sam, if he woke up, could hear. "Lydia, I am so sorry for what happened to you. I tried to stop it, but I failed you. I'm sorry."

Lydia felt tears well up in the back of her eyes, but determinedly, Lydia blinked them back, bit her lip, and (barely) managed to pull herself together. She slowly turned her head towards Cas and looked up at him with her eyes as wide as could be. "It's not your fault."

"Yes it is." Cas murmered gently.  
>Lydia, despite still being shocked, terrified, and disbelieving all at the same time, simply closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Cas, so her forehead was touching his leg. "S'not and you know it."<br>"Cas!" Dean hissed from his corner. He tried his best to be quiet and not to startle the poor girl, but the damage was done, and Lydia jumped up, eyes snapped open, and let out a scream.  
>"Lyd! It's fine, it's just Dean." Castiel gripped her shoulders tight and tried reassuring her, but he could literally feel the shaking of her shoulders. She was more frightened and more vulnerable than he had ever seen her before.<p>

Lydia stared between the angel and Dean, nodding slowly before she narrowed her eyes at the Winchester. "Dean?" Dean nodded back at her, glad that she was alright, before Lydia opened her mouth and began screaming at him.

"Do you have any idea what your brother just fucking did to me?" Lydia attempted to get off the bed, probably to go up to Dean and, in all likeliness, attack him, but Cas held her back with a strong arm. It didn't stop the furious words directed at him. "He just _raped_ me inside his car, and you're…" Lydia could barely get the words out. "You're just standing there and staring at me like I'm a freaking movie?"

"Lydia, that's enough!" Cas growled.

"Did you know?" Lydia stopped yelling at Dean and just looked at him, her eyes and her voice pleading. "Did you know he was going to do that?"

"God no!" Dean held his hands up to defend himself. "Lydia, I would never, alright? I know you're pissed, but just think for a second…"

"Wow, Mr. GED wants to _think_?" Lydia snarled, venom practically dripping from the words. "Don't strain yourself, sugar."

At first, Dean looked surprised-Lydia could be a sarcastic bitch, but she wasn't usually so outwardly nasty to him- but then he looked as equally as angry as her. "Lydia, I get your pissed, but you don't need to…"

"Need to what?" Lydia asked rudely when Dean didn't finish his sentence.

"Need to act like a bitch!"

"I think I have a reason to act like one!" Lydia howled.

Dean was now shouting at the top of his lungs, just like Lydia was. "No, you really don't! Now I'm sorry for what Sam did to you, I am! But you can't go around lashing out at me and Cas, because we're all you've got."

As much as she wanted to kill him for it, Lydia knew Dean was right. She folded her across her chest and sighed. "So where's Sam now?"

Cas and Dean shared a look with each other that Lydia barely caught out of the corner of her eye. "What?"

"He's…over there." Dean pointed to the corner of the room. Lydia took one look in that direction, and her stomach clenched. She hadn't even see Sam there, probably because Cas' body had blocked her view of him. He was unconscious and tied to a chair, not to mention covered in blood from the beating Cas had given him. He didn't look anything like the monster from earlier that night, but just being in the same room as him made Lydia's skin crawl. Her ears started ringing and Lydia felt vile rise up in her throat.

Unfortunately, just then, Sam started shifting around and he opened his eyes. They were totally unfocused, however, and seemed to be looking at nothing in particular. Cas walked over towards Sam and studied him carefully.

"He looks terrible." Castiel commented dryly.

"Well, maybe that's because you kicked the crap out of him." Dean replied sarcastically.

"Cas?" Sam groaned painfully, but the mere sound of his voice was enough to send chills down Lydia's spine. "What's…" Sam grunted and shifted around some more when he realized he was tied to the chair. "Let me go."

Cas looked towards Dean, completely ignoring Sam. "Has he been feverish?"

"Have you?" Dean directed his question at Sam. Lydia noticed how cold Dean sounded towards his brother-she had never heard him speak to Sam like that.

"No. Why?"

"Is he speaking in tongues?" Cas glared at Sam again. "Are you speaking in tongues?"

"No!" Sam protested. "What are you…" Sam drew back, seemingly offended. "Are you…are you diagnosing me?"

Lydia barely heard the rest of the conversation, she was in her own little world. The memories from before her were replaying over and over and over again in her mind, and she felt ready to break down screaming and crying hysterically at any moment. But she couldn't, and she wouldn't. She needed to be the tough little hunter, just like always. And besides, she was still in shock. She wasn't even sure if her mind had grasped the full realization of what had happened. Then, suddenly, she snapped out of her fog when she heard Sam start screaming and his whole body turn bright red, his veins flaring against his skin.

"What the hell?" Lydia pulled her jacket even tighter against her chest and slowly stood up, watching as the scene unfolded before her. Cas, who had put his hand in Sam's torso, pulled it out, leaving Sam to gasp for breath in the chair.

"Did you find anything?" Dean asked.

Cas shook his head. "No."

"So that's good news?"

"I'm afraid not," Cas explained. "Physically, he's perfectly healthy."

Lydia actually joined the conversation for the first time. "So then what's wrong with him?"

Slowly, with a sigh, Cas answered her. "It's his soul. It's gone."

"_What_?" Dean and Lydia both stammered at the same time.

"His soul is gone. I can't find it."

Lydia blinked slowly. "You wanna elaborate a bit?"

Cas sighed. "Somehow, when Sam was resurrected, it was without his soul."

"So where is it?" Dean demanded.

"My guess is…still in the Cage with Michael and Lucifer." Cas seemed hesitant to answer the elder Winchester.

"So is he even still Sam?"

Cas shrugged. "You pose an interesting philosophical question."

"I slept with somebody without a soul?" Lydia was horrified.

"Don't act like you didn't like it." Sam smirked at her.

Finally, after all she had been through, Lydia snapped. "Why you son of a…" Lydia marched over to Sam and, before Cas or Dean could stop her, was repeatedly slapping, scratching, punching, and all-out attacking his face. Finally, Cas dragged her away from Sam, but not before Sam had scratch marks and blood running down his face and even more blood coming out his nose.

"I'll kill you, you bastard!" Lydia snarled at the man in the chair, hating him with every fiber of her being.

Dean, quickly as possible, grabbed Lydia by the shoulder and dragged her into the bathroom. "C'mere, we need to talk."

Finally, when they were inside the bathroom, Lydia shook herself loose from Dean's grasp and glared at him. "What?"

"We need to talk." Dean told her.

"About…?"

"About Sam." Dean said.

"What about him?" Lydia asked coldly.

Dean sighed, rubbing his eyelids. "Lydia, that's not my brother out there. That's some soulless freak wearing his face."

"Yeah, and that soulless freak raped me, in case you forgot that!" Lydia was so mad, she was seeing red.

Dean sighed again. "Okay, listen. I know you're mad and you're scared and you want revenge, and you have every right, I know that. But I am begging you, don't hold it against Sam."

"Don't hold it against him!" Lydia nearly screamed. "Dean, he doesn't have a

soul!"

"And how is that his fault?"

Lydia was so frustrated right then, she could've screamed. "I'm not saying it's his fault, Dean! But soulless or not, he's still Sam."

"No he's not!" Dean had to stop and cool down for a second. "Lydia, you don't know Sammy. My Sammy. He would never do that to anyone, I swear."

"But how do you know that?" Lydia insisted.

"Because I know him better than anyone else, always have and always will." Dean didn't sound angry right then; he sounded almost proud. "And he wouldn't ever do something like that. That thing wearing Sam's face isn't him. That guy out there has no moral compass, he doesn't know what's right or wrong, all right? So just…"

"Just what, Dean?" Lydia was exhausted.

"Listen, we're going to get Sam's soul back, alright?" Dean nodded slowly. "The old Sam, the one that you and I knew before he jumped into the Cage. The one that would never hurt you, not in a million years. But when we get that Sam back, don't hold what his soulless self did against the real Sam."

Lydia felt tears well up in her eyes, but she blinked them away. "But you don't know how much of a person in made up of their soul. What if that is Sam. Bobby's told me about the things he's done, the demon blood, everything. What if…"

"Lydia, stop it right now, I am warning you." Dean growled dangerously.

Lydia just glared back at him, tears now freely streaming down her face. "Fine." She thought for a second, wiping the tears off her face. "This really sucks, Dean."

Dean snorted sarcastically. "I'll agree with you on that, at least." Then, he walked out of the bathroom, back to Sam and Cas, leaving her standing in a crappy hotel room, all alone.


	12. I'm Busy Loving You

**(A/N)-I PROMISE every single one of you that I have NOT forgotten about this fic and I am NOT getting bored with it. I love this fic to death, but I seriously have no time to sleep anymore, let alone write fanfiction. And I'm doing NaNoWriMo, so if I don't update all November, that's why. Again, I don't own Supernatural, and please be patient with me.**

"You were yelling in your sleep again last night." Bobby said calmly as he sipped his beer, turning a page in the ancient book he was reading.

Lydia groaned as she put her laid her face on the table in front of her in embarrassment and exasperation. "Was I really?"

"Yup." Bobby answered.

"Sorry," Lydia lifted her head from the table and looked at the old hunter. "Did I wake you up?"

Bobby kept on reading, not even glancing at her. His tone was much softer and kinder, though. "Yeah. Don't you worry about it, kid. It ain't your fault."

Lydia only tried not to laugh. "Yeah, whatever."

"I mean that, y'know." Bobby actually sounded genuine.

"Bobby, you never mean anything. Don't try to act sympathetic, alright?" Lydia snapped back at him. He didn't answer her; he only shook his head and kept on reading. Lydia felt a bit ashamed for a second, realizing that her words had probably come out a lot harsher than she meant them to. Oh well.

She had been back at Bobby's for about a week, and they were some of the worst days of her life. Worse than losing her mother, both of her withdrawals, losing Cas, worse than anything Lydia could've ever imagined. She was on edge pretty much all of the time, constantly looking behind her and biting her lip, a nervous tic that seemed to be developing. She ate next to nothing and was positive that she had lost some weight since coming to Bobby's. Even her skin looked paler than usual. She didn't even bother with clothes or makeup or anything like that; she just put on hoodies and pajama pants, and that was that. Her mood swings were even worse. Every time Bobby tried to so much as even speak to her, Lydia would either withdrawal further from him, start snapping and getting nasty with him, or would just plain run into her bedroom and cry for hours on end. She desperately wished that she could just go completely numb and not feel any emotions, but that was not to be.

"So." Bobby said slowly, probably not wanting Lydia to start screaming at him like she was yesterday.

"So…?" Lydia offered.

Bobby sighed, still leafing through his book. "Are ya finally gonna quit that damn job at the club?"

Lydia felt a rush of anger. "I think that's fairly obvious, Bobby!"

"Do you mind not biting my head off for a second?" Lydia could clearly see that Bobby was frustrated with her. It was the first time all week that Bobby had raised his voice to her even a little bit.

Lydia still couldn't sympathize, however. She knew her behavior was irrational and erratic, but she couldn't control her emotions. Bobby had no idea what it was like, no idea what she was going through. She just got off the couch and stomped upstairs to her bedroom, cussing the old hunter out and calling him every name under the Sun under her breath. Once Lydia finally got up to her bedroom, she locked the door and made sure every closet door and window was shut tightly. She kept her gun right on the dresser next to her, ready to be fired at any moment. She was inspecting the gun as she heard a voice from behind her say, "Hello."

"Fuck!" Lydia screamed as she pointed the gun behind her, her hand on the trigger. She let out a small, quivering breath when she saw who it was.

"Cas, don't do that!" Lydia felt tears well up in her eyes, but she determinedly blinked them away. She wasn't mad at him, not really-she was more scared than anything. She could only thank God that it wasn't Sam; she was 100% positive that she would've shot him without thinking about it.

Cas slowly walked over to Lydia-his heart nearly breaking when he saw her tense up with every step he took-and gently took hold of the gun. Lydia was unwilling to let it go and held it tightly in her hands.

"Lydia, let go of the gun." Cas said, his tone completely serious.

"No."

"I am not going to harm you, Lydia," Cas tried again, this time with a softer and more sympathetic voice. "It's just me."

Lydia finally seemed to realize that it was in fact Castiel, and nodded gravely as she handed Cas the gun. The angel set the gun back on the table gingerly and touched Lydia's shoulder just as gently. "Are you alright now?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Lydia knew just how unconvincing she sounded, but she tried mustering up a small smile for Castiel's sake.

However, Cas wasn't fooled. He carefully took Lydia into his arms and rested his chin in the top of her head, breathing contently, just happy to have her with him again. He was struck by the fact that this was the same way Jimmy would hold Amelia or Claire before Cas took over his vessel. Then, all thoughts raced back to Lydia-just like they always did-and Cas held the girl even tighter. He could feel her muscles tightening up and her heart beat quicken out of fear and anxiety, but after a few seconds, Lydia's body relaxed in his arms and she started sniffling.

"Thanks, Cas." Lydia whispered with tears running down her cheeks.

Cas only kissed the top of her head, just like he had seen Jimmy do plenty of times, and felt Lydia's shoulders start shaking.

"Cas, I..." Lydia could barely finish her sentence, she was crying so hard. Cas only gathered her closer and kissed her forehead again.

"I know."

Lydia shook her head, pushing Castiel away as she tried talking to him again. "No, you don't know. I kissed Sam first! Whatever he did to me later is my fault; I'm the one who..." Lydia's voice was cracking; it was so bad that she couldn't even finish her sentence. "Everything is my fault, Cas. Everything."

Cas shut his eyes, obviously distressed. She had brought up the exact thing that he hadn't even wanted to think about. He almost never let himself think about how willingly Lydia had kissed him, her hands on his chest, his fingers taking off her clothes. But when he did, he felt just as much anger towards Lydia as he did Sam. He never showed it, but it was destroying him on the inside.

"Lydia, we can talk about that another time," Cas growled. "It is not of import right now."

"Yes it is!" Lydia protested. "Cas, don't you see how important this is! If I hadn't…If I had…Jesus Christ, I don't even know anymore!"

Castiel touched Lydia's shoulder and attempted to lead her downstairs. "Let's just go for a walk, like we used to in Iowa. You just need to calm down; you can't keep treating yourself…"

"Like the slut that I am?" Lydia planted her feet on the floor and smirked at the angel bitterly.

"That's enough, Lydia." Cas said warningly.

Lydia shrugged his hand away from her shoulder. "Oh? Now you're telling me what to do? I see how it is."

Cas stared at Lydia, her arms crossed and a stormy, angry expression on her face. He was clearly confused at her irrational behavior. "I don't understand your logic."

"No! Of course you don't!" Lydia snapped at him with biting sarcasm. "You've been hanging out with humans since 2008, Cas! Jesus Christ, are we really _that_ hard to understand? You're so fucking naïve, it's pathetic."

"Lydia. Enough."

"I just told you, don't tell me what to do!"

Cas was breathing in and out deeply, trying to control his anger. "You didn't say that at all."

"Well, I'm saying it now!" Lydia was practically screaming by now.

"Why are you so upset at me?" Cas asked her. "I didn't say anything wrong, to my knowledge."

Lydia rolled her eyes. "See? Just like that! You talk like a robot! Try speaking like a human being, would you?"

"…But I'm not a human being."

"Well, still!" Lydia snapped.

"Are you done?" Cas finally let some of his anger and annoyance at her seep through. "I'm sorry, but I don't particularly enjoy being screamed at for no reason."

"Great!" Lydia exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air. "Now you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you…" Cas couldn't think of anything else to say.

Lydia snorted unattractively. "Yes you are. Don't try to say that you're not. You're a terrible liar, Cas. Always have been."

She had finally pushed Cas too far. He snapped. "Oh, cool story, 'bro'. I'll talk more like this, kay? Now go make me a sandwich, babe."

Lydia only stared back at the angel with a dumbfounded expression on her face. Cas coughed uncomfortably. "I have heard such things said on the television."

"Oh…" Lydia nodded, looking away for a second. Then, she turned back to face him. "So you _are_ mad at me."

Cas noticed that Lydia sounded much more reasonable and much more calm than she had before. He slowly nodded, confirming her suspicions.

Lydia nodded, laughing bitterly. "Great. Awesome. Just what I need, right?"

"I'm sorry."

"Are you?" Lydia refused to even look at the angel. But it wasn't out of anger so much as it was out of guilt and humiliation. She was filled with complete and total self-loathing for what she had done with Sam. It was no wonder Cas was mad at her. Why wouldn't he be? It was only a matter of time before he left her again. The only reason he hadn't was because Sam had raped her. She instinctively braced herself for the goodbye from Castiel. She knew for a fact that it was coming sooner or later.

"Are you sorry for kissing Sam?" Cas answered her back, pulling Lydia out of her thoughts.

Lydia stopped completely, looking at Cas, confused. "Am I sorry?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"Of course." Lydia said softly, almost pleadingly. "I was drunk and lonely and missing you and if I could take it back, I would."

Cas nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?" Lydia pushed him to go on further. "What does 'okay' mean?"

"It means everything is okay." Cas said simply.

"But…" Lydia never finished her sentence. Castiel took a few steps towards her and kissed her lips. He knew he shouldn't have made that sudden move around her, but he just needed to kiss her. Right then and there, that's all he needed. To kiss her.

Lydia, on the other hand, was practically shaking in her boots-or sneakers, rather. Cas just coming up to her like that was enough to frighten her, but him kissing her terrified her completely. It took a while to convince herself that this was Cas, the Cas that would never hurt her, but once she did, felt completely relaxed, and for the first time, happy. They broke apart and stared each other for a moment before they both leaned in to kiss again. Cas' arms went around her tightly, and he slowly laid Lydia on the bed, then laid down next to her. They stayed there for hours, Cas holding her until it was almost midnight. They occasionally kissed, but for the most part, they had just stayed there and talked. About nothing, about anything, about everything. Eventually, right around ten or eleven, Lydia was starting to doze off.

"Lydia." Cas whispered.

"Hm?" She murmured quietly.

"I love you."

Lydia nodded weakly, her eyes still shut tightly. "Love you too, Cas." She was asleep inside 30 seconds.

About an hour or so later, Bobby Singer had finally finished with that day's work. He was about to go crash in his bedroom when he realized that he hadn't heard anything out of Lydia since she had stomped up to her bedroom hours before. Bobby went upstairs and slowly opened up her bedroom door. He figured that she would be dead asleep by now, so he definitely got a shock when he saw Cas holding her as she slept in his arms.

"How long have you been here?" Bobby whispered at the angel.

"Maybe twelve hours." Cas said, though he didn't seem exactly sure.

Bobby nodded, finally understanding. "You really love that girl, don't you?"

Cas nodded back silently, his eyes telling Bobby everything he needed to know. Bobby shut the door tightly and started walking towards his bedroom, thinking about his wife and how the way Cas looked at Lydia was the same way he used to look at Karen.


	13. How to Save a Life

**(A/N)- Guys, NaNoWriMo is kicking my butt. So I decided to post this new chapter, for three reasons. One-I need a break from writing my novel. Two-This fanfic keeps creeping into my head and distracting me until I write it. And three-Julia, I love you so much, dear! You keep reminding me when I need to update, so thank you so much for that. ANYWAY, here's chapter 13, which follows one of my favorite season 6 episodes, "Appointment in Samarra". As always, I own nothing except Lydia, so here goes nothing! (P.S…Cookies to those of you who see a familiar reference to an earlier Supernatural episode. It's fairly obvious, but still.)**

Life was slowly returning to normal for Lydia Carmichael. As close to normal as her life could get, anyway. It was the end of January 2012; the end of the month, but the beginning of the year. It was just like the old days for Lydia-staying with Bobby, researching cases for other hunters, and things like that. The only difference was that Lydia never actually went hunting anymore. She just couldn't bring herself to; not yet, anyway. Not to mention that Bobby was completely against the idea. He was working a case and said that she could go and help him, but they hadn't even reached the hotel before Bobby pulled the car over so Lydia could go throw up on the side of the road. He had driven her straight home and ordered her to stay in the house at all times. Lydia, who at one time would've protested and snuck out anyway, was more than happy to oblige and did nothing except answer the phone.

Dean called once in a while to ask Bobby a question or to check up on them, but it was always Dean calling. Never Sam. Mostly because Sam was soulless and could've cared less how Bobby and Lydia were, but partly because of what had happened between him and Lydia. (Lydia still couldn't bring herself to say the word rape, except once in a great while. Maybe she was in denial, but she just couldn't.) They never came around in person, either, which was fine by Lydia. The further away she was from Sam, the better.

Castiel, on the other hand, wasn't around nearly as much as Lydia would've liked. He was just so busy with the war in Heaven; they didn't get to see each other more than maybe once or twice a month, much to the dislike of both hunter and angel. When they did get to spend time together, however, they made it count: Cas would take her to some tropical island or some quiet place anywhere in the world where they could just talk, or lay together in silence, neither of them saying a word. Lydia was still too skittish from her rape to do anything sexual with him, but Cas was perfectly okay with that. He missed the intimate moments they shared while making love, but he was content just to lay under the stars with her on some far away desert, holding her tightly.

But on that cold January day, Castiel wasn't there. It was only Bobby and Lydia at home, doing the usual work…that is until Sam and Dean burst in the door, arguing. Lydia immediately felt her stomach start turning and looked at Bobby, her eyes wide. Bobby immediately stood up and went over to stand next to her, like a wall between her and Sam. Lydia couldn't help but feel a surge of affection for old, grumpy, protective Bobby.

"You what!" Sam shouted as he stormed into the living room, not even acknowledging Lydia and Bobby.

Dean followed him, only nodding and giving Bobby and Lydia a small wave to say hello. "Just hear me out, okay? I know you heard what Cas and Crowley said, but Death said he could put up a wall!"

"A wall?" Sam asked doubtfully. "And that's just supposed to block all my memories of hell? Just like that? Really?"

"Really." Dean nodded. "It's not a cure like we wanted, but Sam, it's…" Dean was at a loss over what to say. "He said it could last a lifetime."

Sam started shouting. "Dean! I don't think you get it! It's my life, it's my soul! And it sure as hell ain't your head that's gonna explode when this whole grand scheme of yours goes sideways!"

"Just curious," Bobby stood up. When he had both boys attention, he asked, "I presume Death's not doing this out of the goodness of his heart. So what's your half of the deal?" When Dean looked away from guilty, Bobby continued, "Dean, what's your half of the deal?"

"I have to wear the ring for a day." Dean finally said.

"Why would he do that?" asked Lydia.

Dean started to answer before Sam stood up and tried to leave. Dean only looked at his brother leaving and asked him, "Where are you going?"

"Look, I hear you, alright?" Sam sighed. "I get it. I just need a minute to wrap my head around it, all right?" He went out the door, with Dean, Bobby, and Lydia following him, undetected.

Outside, Sam looked at the ground nervously before Dean revealed himself by holding up Death's ring and saying, "Looking for this?" After Sam gave him some crappy excuse about taking a walk, Dean told him, "Sam. I'm your brother. I'm not gonna let you get hurt. I know what I'm doing here."

Sam, once he realized how serious Dean was, simply shrugged. "Fine."

"Fine?" Dean seemed surprised. "You're sure?" Sam nodded, so Dean turned around and started walking. As he passed Bobby and Lydia, he muttered, "Watch him," then kept on walking.

**XXX**

Sometime later, Bobby, Lydia, and Sam were all playing poker, drinking beer. Sam and Lydia only interacted through Bobby; never directly with each other. The tension from the situation they were in and the memories from that night made the game silent and awkward. After a while, Bobby held out an empty beer bottle and asked, "Want another one?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll come with you." Sam nodded. Bobby stood up and started walking towards the kitchen, Sam right behind him. The look on Sam's face, for some reason, gave Lydia a bad feeling. She quietly followed him, grabbing a baseball bat, the first thing she could find. Unfortunately, she was right about Sam. When Bobby had his back turned, Sam grabbed a wrench from the counter and raised it above his head, meaning to hit Bobby with it. Lydia rushed up behind him and smacked him in the head with the bat, knocking Sam out instantly.

Lydia and Bobby stared at Sam's unconscious figure for a few seconds before Lydia looked up at Bobby and said, "So I'm thinking that we probably should've put him in the panic room."

Bobby nodded, and walked over to the table to grab some rope. Lydia stupidly took her eyes off of Sam for literally three seconds, and when she and Bobby looked back at the ground where Sam was, he was gone.

"Balls!" Bobby hissed. Then, he tried calling out to Sam. "Let's not do anything hasty here, Sam!" No response.

"Let's go." Bobby said as he grabbed Lydia's shoulder and took her to one of the closets. "We're staying in here."

"Bobby, he's going to find us!" hissed Lydia.

Bobby snapped, "Well, unless you've got another plan, we're waiting it out in here." The words were barely out of his mouth before an axe suddenly came through the door, causing Bobby to jump and Lydia to scream.

"Don't say 'here's Johnny'." Bobby sighed.

"I gotta do this, Bobby," Sam said with little emotion. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have cornered yourself."

"I didn't." Bobby pushed a button, causing a trap door under Sam's feet to open and Sam to fall through. He opened the closet door and ran to the basement stairs, Lydia right behind him, and said, "Reinforced steel core, titanium kick plate. Get comfy." Sam hit the door in frustration, and Bobby asked, "You wanna explain what this is about?"

Sam sighed again. "I just have to do this, Bobby. If Dean shoves that soul back in me, think how bad that could really be. I can't let it happen, Bobby. I mean, it's not like I want to kill you. And Lydia's useless; I could care less what happens to her. But you, you've been nothing but good to me."

Lydia, resisting the urge to open the door and bash his skull in, asked, "So what do you got going here, Sam? Demon deal? Spell?" When Sam didn't answer her, she quietly said, "You don't have to do this, Sam."

"I'm trying to survive, here!" Sam snapped. "Some wall inside my head that maybe stays up? Come on."

"If it works…" Bobby gave up, sighing, then pulled himself together and tried again. "Look, I…I know how scary it is. But you know what's scarier? You right now. You're not in your right head, Sam. You're not giving us much choice here." Sam was silent. "Sam?" Still nothing. "Balls!" Bobby threw the door open, and he and Lydia raced into the basement. Bobby had his rifle, but Lydia was only armed with the baseball bat, so she stayed directly behind him at all times, the bat upright, ready to be swung at a moment's notice.

"Ain't nobody killing me in my house but me," Bobby muttered. "I don't want to blow your legs out, boy, but I will."

"Shit!" Lydia nudged Bobby and pointed up to one of the vents. "He's out!"

"Oh, balls!" Bobby took Lydia's arm and dragged her up the stairs and out the door. "We gotta go now. The longer we wait, the longer Sam has to run." They were outside of the house, looking around for Sam. Finally, Lydia pointed on the ground, where there was a trail of blood leading out to the cars in the backyard. "There ya go, Bobby. He went that way." The old hunter nodded, and the two of them both crept silently into the night, Bobby armed with his gun and Lydia with the bat, trying to find Sam Winchester. Every step of the way, Lydia prayed to Castiel to help them, but he never came or answered. They kept following the trail of blood, but it eventually ended when they reached the barn on Bobby's property.

"Sam?" Bobby whispered into the darkness.

"I don't think he's going to answer you, Bobby." Lydia told him.

Bobby shrugged. "You never know."

Then, before either hunter could react, Sam appeared from behind them and hit Bobby in the back of the head with the wrench, knocking him out cold. As Bobby fell to the ground, Lydia jumped and held the bat up, ready to swing at any second.

"Hey there." Sam smirked.

Lydia narrowed her eyes at him coldly. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sam ignored her and made a move to pick up Bobby's gun, but Lydia held the baseball bat up even higher and hissed, "If you touch that gun, Sam, I swear to God I will hit you."

"Not if I shoot you first." Sam replied. Lydia said nothing, and Sam sighed in frustration. "Lydia, I don't want to hurt you. Honestly, I don't."

"I think that ship has sailed, Sam." Lydia remarked coldly. "Raping people tends to hurt them. A lot."

"Oh, please," Sam simply brushed off her accusations. "You have your boyfriend to sleep with instead of me now. You'll live." Lydia felt her blood pressure sky rocket; she had never hated a person before as much as she hated Sam Winchester. "And anyway, you never complained up until we actually started doing the deed. You were perfectly okay with it. And the way you were dressed? You were asking for it, Lydia."

"I was at WORK," Lydia clenched her teeth. "Do you actually think I was _asking_ for you to rape me? Are you that stupid?"

"This is ridiculous," Sam growled. "I'm taking Bobby inside the house now. Would you care to help me, or are you going to stand there clutching a baseball bat?"

"You really think I'm that stupid?" Lydia barked. "You're telling me that you're going to just help poor old Bobby into the house right after you hunt us down like animals? You're crazy."

Lydia's eyes then lit on the gun on the ground. "In fact, Sam..." She slowly leaned forward to pick it up, then cocked it and pointed it directly at him. "I think that I'm going to pull that gun on you and lock you in the panic room like you suggested earlier." Lydia maliciously walked forwards and pressed the barrel of the gun directly into Sam's chest.

"Who's in charge here now, buddy?" Lydia smiled bitterly at Sam, knowing she had the upper hand.

Sam, however, didn't seem the least bit concerned. "You know, you shouldn't put a rifle right against someone, because it makes it real easy to do…" Sam turned fluidly and knocked the rifle to the side. Lydia desperately tried to take it back, but Sam was quicker than she was and grabbed the rifle, pointing it directly at Lydia.

"See ya in the morning." Before Lydia could protest, Sam hit Lydia with the butt of the rifle, and she only felt herself falling into darkness, and then pure nothingness.

**XXX**

"Listen to me. You don't want to do this, Sam." Lydia heard Bobby's voice emerge from the darkness. Her eyes shot open, then immediately shut again once she felt how badly her head hurt. Tears of pain filled her eyes, yet she forced them open to see where she was; the last thing she remembered was Sam hitting her with Bobby's riffle at the barn, then nothing. It would explain why her head hurt like a bitch. She saw that she must've been carried-or dragged-back into the house and put on the table. Bobby was tied to a chair, and Sam was standing over him, getting ready to kill him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Bobby saw Lydia stirring and tried to get her attention without Sam noticing. When their eyes locked, Lydia motioned for him to keep his eyes away from her, so Bobby looked back at Sam and continued talking. "I've been like a father to you, boy. Somewhere inside, you've got to know that."

As Bobby kept talking, Lydia slowly got off the table and inched over to where the rifle lay, locked and loaded. She almost had it before Sam whirled around and slammed here against the wall, trapping her. Lydia's head hit the wall-_hard -_and she cried out in pain, but Sam only sneered.

"Lydia, Lydia, Lydia," Sam shook his head and he took out the revolver that was clipped to his belt. "You are getting to be such a pain is my ass…" Lydia was now shaking in fear. This was too similar to the last time, that night in the car. The memories came swarming back to her, and she more terrified now than she was since that night. She started screaming out for Castiel desperately, but the angel never came.

Sam, however, only seemed to relish in her terror. Her put the gun right up to her head and smirked. "Sorry I had to do this. You weren't supposed to get involved, but since you put yourself in the middle of this…"

Suddenly, a hand grabbed Sam's wrist firmly, and both Sam and Lydia turned to see Dean holding Sam's arm, an angry look plastered on his face. "I'm back." He punched Sam directly in the face, knocking Sam unconscious-for real this time. Lydia let out a noise of half-relief, half-fear, and slid down the wall onto the ground.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dean rushed over to Lydia and grabbed her wrist, yanking her off the ground. In a rare display of affection, Dean gave her a quick squeeze, then pulled back and looked her over. "Alright. You good?"

Lydia still had tears of pain and fear in her eyes, but she nodded and started wiping her eyes. Dean clapped her on the shoulder before saying again, "Yeah, you're good." He then went over to Bobby and untied him, and together, the three hunters got Sam and half-lifted, half-carried him to the panic room. They handcuffed Sam to the bed, and they waited. What they were waiting for exactly, Lydia had no idea-Dean had lost the deal with Death-but they waited. She continued to pray to Cas, to no avail.

Eventually, Dean uttered, "I can't keep doing this, Bobby. I mean, what am I gonna do? Tie him up every time he tries to kill someone? That's not gonna hold him. I mean, he's..." Dean sighed, rubbing his eyelids. "What am I supposed to do here?"

"I don't know." Bobby finally admitted after a while. Dean nodded, then went upstairs into the kitchen. Bobby watched him go, and once he was sure Dean was gone, said, "I don't get it." Lydia looked at him curious, and Bobby sighed. "These boys…they saved more people than anyone else I know, yet they keep getting all this crap flung at them constantly. I just don't get it."

Lydia nodded in reluctant agreement. "I guess that's just the way it is?"

"Yeah. I guess so." Bobby was silent for a few moments before asking Lydia, "It just don't seem fair, does it? Not just the boys, either. You've been to hell and back, yet here you are." Bobby looked at her proudly and added, "You're doing alright, aren't ya?"

"Sure." Lydia stared at the floor. "If you count still waking up from nightmares at least three times a week, I'm great. I'm just…well, look at me. I'm just perfect." Lydia shrugged. "I'm doing better, I guess, but I'm not 'all right'."

Bobby seemed surprised. "You're still waking up that often? Why didn't you share that with the group?"

"Because it's not your problem to worry about me!" snapped Lydia, standing up a little bit straighter. "I'm a big girl and I can handle myself."

"Well, your boyfriend's never around anymore, so somebody's got to do it!" Bobby shot back irritably. "If you're still not getting better after three months, that's a problem, Lyd."

"Bobby, I'm telling you, I'm fine!" Lydia just wished Bobby would stop talking about this. "I'd tell you if I thought it was a problem, okay? But it's not a problem!"

"Not a problem my ass, girl," Bobby muttered. "What Sam did to you was horrible. Are you listening to me now?" Lydia looked up at him, and Bobby said seriously, "It ain't your fault. I'm not trying to give you a speech here, but I mean that. You never asked for this, and you don't have to suffer in silence like you are. I'm just trying to help you, Lydia. That's all. And Dean…" Bobby sighed. "He don't show it, but he does care."

"Ya think so?" Lydia's voice was hard and bitter. "Dean doesn't give a damn about me."

Bobby sighed. "Lydia, you know that's not true."

"Yes it is," Lydia folded her arms across her chest. "He treats Cas like crap and he ignores me completely. He only cares about you and his precious Sammy."

"Lydia!" Bobby snapped.

Lydia knew how immature and bitter she sounded, but she didn't care. "What?"

Bobby hesitated before telling her, "He's just guarded around people he doesn't know. He cares about Cas and you a lot, but it's just hard for him to trust people. That's how he's always been."

"Really?" Lydia asked, her voice a bit softer.

Bobby nodded. "Yeah. He don't mean any harm by it, kid." Bobby cocked his head to the side as he looked at her. "So I noticed your boyfriend ain't been around lately."

"He's busy."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Bobby rolled his eyes. "The damn war in heaven. Still, you're always moping around the house like a damn puppy dog when he's not around. It wouldn't kill angel boy to visit some more."

Lydia shrugged. "Well, there's really nothing I can do about it, so…"

"Tell 'em to come around more," Bobby suggested. "I don't remember the last time I saw him for more than five minutes at a time."

"Well, I've…I've _tried_," Lydia said evasively. "Even when I was screaming for him back there, he still never came."

"Weird."

Lydia nodded again. "Yeah."

All of the sudden, they both heard Dean yell, "Bobby! Lyd!" and his footsteps racing towards the panic room. When Dean reached them, he barked, "Open the door!"

"What happened?" Bobby asked.

"Now!" Dean only yelled again.

From inside the panic room, they could all hear Sam screaming, "Get away from me!" The door was thrown open, and the three hunters saw Dean handcuffed to the bed, yelling at the air. "No, don't touch me!"

"What the hell, Dean?" Lydia hissed.

"It's Death," Dean swallowed gravely. "He's giving Sam back his soul."

Sam shook his head at the invisible Death. "Please. Don't do this." He paused, then started yelling again. "No, no! You don't know! You don't know what'll happen to me!" Sam looked pleadingly at his brother. "Dean, please. No!" Lydia only saw Sam throw his head back, screaming in pain, and then he collapsed in the bed, totally unconscious.


	14. Sweet Dreams are Made of This

**(A/N)-Welcome, victims! I mean friends! This is the 14th chapter of WGB, but look how quickly I'm updating! And to my American lovelies: Happy Thanksgiving! Anyway, this is the chapter we've all been waiting for-Like a Virgin, where Sam gets his soul back. We'll see how this one plays out. Anyway, my reviewers: I wish I could bake a cake make out of rainbows and smiles and we'd all eat it and be happy, because I love you that much…I just have a lot of feelings, okay! You guys know the drill: I own nothing except Lydia, and I think I'm going to keep her for a while, because I've grown attached to her. Julia: Do you have a profile? You can come off anon if you want to! Without further adieu, here is the next chapter!**

After Sam's soul had been returned to him, he had collapsed and fallen into a deep sleep. Lydia had only expected him to be asleep for a day, maybe two, but he had been asleep for ten days straight and showed no signs of waking up anytime soon. Bobby and Lydia usually stayed upstairs, going about with their usual business, but Dean spent half of his time down in the panic room with his brother. One day, Lydia went downstairs to go get something, and she heard Dean talking to Sam's sleeping form, and she was nearly choking back tears by the time she had gotten what she needed. She couldn't help but admire their relationship, how close they were. She was still upset with what Sam did and still hated him absolutely, and even though Dean's devotion to him was unhealthy, crazy, and ridiculously co-dependent, she still thought it was one of the most touching things she had ever witnessed.

Her relationship with Cas, however, was much different at this point. She had prayed, begged, and even stood outside and screamed for the angel to make an appearance, but he never did. After about a week, Lydia had finally given up and had just stopped trying altogether. She did her best to focus on the cases that were piling up, not Cas, but it was hard.

"Hey, Lydia," Dean came into the kitchen on the 10th day. "Can I talk to you alone for a second?"

"Um…" Lydia put down the food she was eating and nodded, standing up. "Yeah, sure. What's up?"

Dean coughed uncomfortably and motioned to Bobby in the next room over. "I meant in private."

"This is private."

"No!" Dean insisted. "Like, downstairs private?" Lydia cocked an eyebrow, so Dean just rolled his eyes and took her downstairs. "Come here, you'll see what I'm talking about." When they reached the panic room, Dean opened the door so they could see Sam lying there, helpless and handcuffed to the bed. Lydia nearly recoiled in disgust, but she stood there silently. After a while, Dean asked, "Does he look dangerous to you?"

Lydia wasn't quite sure what was going on, but she nodded and said, "No…"

"Exactly." Dean nodded, then looked back at her. "Listen, Lydia, this wall in Sam's head…It's not stable, okay? It's our best bet, but it's not full-proof."

Lydia shrugged. "Yeah, I know that."

Dean sighed. "So you, me, Bobby…That means we can't tell Sam anything about this past year. I don't know how much he's going to remember, but if he doesn't, we can tell him."

Lydia nodded, understanding what he was getting at. "So you want me to shut up and not talk about what happened to me like a good little girl?"

"That's not what I mean." Dean licked his lips nervously.

"Oh yeah?" Lydia laughed a little bit, mostly from disbelief. "I get that you're trying to protect Sam, but…really?"

"Yeah, really," Dean snapped defensively. "If knowing what he did to you makes that wall come tumbling down, I don't want him to know, period."

Lydia could barely string together a comprehensive sentence. "Wow. That's just…wow. I seriously can't even believe that."

"I'm not saying that you have to hide what happened to you, Lyd," Dean tried switching tactics. "Cause what he did was wrong and you're hurting because of it. I know that, you know that-we all know that. Talk to Bobby about it. Talk to Cas about it. Hell, talk to me about it if you really want to. Just…just not Sam."

"Dean…" Lydia shook her head. "Just because Sam didn't have his soul and wasn't in his right mind, it was still Sam that did it."

"No," Dean protested. "Sammy wouldn't do anything like that. Ever. Period. Point-blank. That wasn't him."

"Yes it was!" argued Lydia. "Maybe not all of him, but whether or not you want to admit it or not, there's still a part of Sam that's capable of that."

Dean shook his head with an air of finality. "I'm not having this argument with you, Lyd. I can't and I won't. But I am begging you; don't tell Sam. I know him better than anybody else, and I know that he wouldn't do anything like that. And if you tell him…" Dean sighed, frustrated. "Even if the wall doesn't come down, it would kill Sam. He feels guilty looking up porn on the Internet! He wouldn't even be able to live with himself!"

"Good!" Lydia shouted. "He shouldn't be able to live with himself!"

"You're not listening to me…" Dean began, but Lydia snapped and cut him off.

"No, Dean, I am listening! And I am so sick of you and your brother and your tortured souls, okay! I am done!"

Dean's face was dark with anger. "Nobody asked you to be here, y'know. If you're just going to act like…"

"That's enough." Castiel's voice stopped both Dean and Lydia right in their tracks; they stopped talking and turned to look at the angel who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

Cas looked at both hunters with a grave expression on his face. "Both of you, that's enough. I can assure you, there are much more important things to discuss at the moment." He walked over to the doorway of the panic room and peered in, studying Sam closely. "He still hasn't woken up yet?"

Dean shook his head slowly. "No, not yet…Cas, where have you been? I've been praying to you all week."

"I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner, Dean," Cas' voice sounded genuine, but knowing him so well, Lydia could detect underlying sarcasm and bitterness that most people, not even Dean, could probably detect. "But I've been busy with…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Dean dismissed the angel simply. "The war in heaven. I get it. But you couldn't make a little bit of time for me and Sam? It's been days! We're your friends too!"

Cas growled, "I understand that, Dean, but…" Cas, seemingly trying to avoid an argument, simply sighed and looked back at the panic room. "What do you need me to do for him, Dean?"

"Can you, uh, do stick your hand up there like you did before and inspect his soul?" Dean winced. "That sounds weird, but…"

Dean trailed off when Castiel started walking to Sam's bed, and within seconds, he and Lydia watched as Cas felt and searched for Sam's soul. After a while, Cas came out, his sleeves rolled up.

"Well?" Dean asked. "Is he going to wake up?"

Cas sighed. "I am not a human doctor…but probably not." Dean opened his mouth, looking angry, but Cas spoke again. "Dean, I warned you not to put that thing back inside him..."

"Guys!" Lydia snapped when she saw Dean's face go even darker. "Can we please have a civil conversation for once?"

Cas stepped even closer to Dean and said through gritted teeth, "Let me tell you what his soul felt like when I touched it. Like it had been skinned alive, Dean. If you wanted to kill your brother, you should have done it outright." He then took a deep breath and stepped back, looking at Lydia. "Can I have a word with you in private?"

Lydia threw her hands up in exasperation, hoping to relieve some of the tension in the room, and jokingly said, "What, is this private talks with Lydia Day!"

It didn't work. Dean only glared at the angel and snapped, "Oh, sorry, don't let me stop you. I'll just leave you two alone with my comatose brother." He stomped upstairs and slammed the door behind him.

"Well," Cas rubbed his forehead, looking more exhausted and downtrodden then Lydia had ever seen him. "That was…unpleasant."

"I'll agree with you there." Lydia nodded awkwardly. "So the war in Heaven's not going so great, huh?"

Cas sighed. "No, it's not. It's going horribly. Battles are being fought, weapons are being destroyed, and angels are being lost every time I turn around." Cas looked into Lydia's eyes before murmuring, "I never asked for all this. If I had known…I would have never started this in the first place."

He looked so incredibly lost right then, that Lydia rushed forward and threw her arms around his waist, holding him tightly and resting her head against his chest. She felt him hug her back and kiss the top of her forehead, and Lydia took a deep breath in, just happy to be able to hold him, at least for a little while.

"Yeah, I know you didn't." Lydia told him softly.

They stayed like that for a few seconds more before Cas pulled away with a frustrated groan. "I have to return to Heaven now. I can sense my brothers and sisters need me."

"Okay." Lydia did her best to mask her disappointment, but it was fairly obvious anyway.

Castiel covered his lips with hers one last time, then disappeared. Lydia looked at Sam, who was still dead asleep, one last time before sighing and walking back upstairs.

When Lydia walked upstairs, Dean was sitting at Bobby's desk with him, talking quietly. Both men looked up when she entered the room, and Lydia coughed uncomfortably. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Nope," Bobby was unaware of the tension between Dean and Lydia at the moment. "Just going over a case. Plane crash in Portland. The pilot and the plane were found, but not the passenger."

"Okay," Dean nodded thoughtfully. "I'm not changing the channel."

"Dean." All three hunters looked to see Sam awake, standing in the doorway of the living room.

Dean turned to face Sam even more, then slowly stood up. "Sam?" Sam surged towards his brother and threw his arms around him tightly, pressing himself to his brother with an air of desperation Lydia had never seen. Dean hugged him back, and there they stood, connected. It was as if Sam was a completely different person, like he was back to the old Sam that Lydia had met in Iowa. Eventually, the brothers separated and Sam's eyes locked on Bobby. He went over and hugged to the old hunter, who still looked extremely wary; after all, wasn't this the same Sam who had tried to kill him only ten days earlier? Sam pulled away from Bobby too, then looked at Lydia, smiling. Lydia's insides were turning as Sam asked, "Lydia?"

Lydia glanced over at Dean, who was looking at her gravely, then looked back at Sam and smiled nervously. "Hey, Sam."

Sam walked over and hugged Lydia. "God, I haven't seen you in forever! What are you doing here?"

Lydia closed her eyes, her breathing rapid and erratic. Finally, she managed to say in a shaky voice, "I live here now."

"You do?" Sam pulled away, but his hands were still on Lydia's shoulders. He kept glancing at her, Bobby, and Dean wildly, like he couldn't believe it was them. Then, his face paled and he whirled back around to face Bobby. "Wait, I…I felt Lucifer snap your neck."

"Well, Cas…" Bobby began.

"Cas is alive?" Sam could hardly believe it.

"Yeah Cas-Cas is fine," Dean said cautiously. "Sam, are you okay?"

"Actually, um…I'm starving." Sam said sheepishly.

**XXX**

Later that day, Bobby and Lydia were silently working on one of the cars in Bobby's yard when Dean walked in. "Hey." When neither Lydia nor Bobby answered him, he said, "Sam's doing really great, y'know. Better than I could have hoped."

"Well, I'm glad he's better," Bobby said unenthusiastically as he got out from under the cars he was working on. "But that kid went straight-up Menendez on me not ten days ago?" Bobby pointed to Lydia. "Dean, he raped that poor girl! Is that all just supposed to be erased?"

"It wasn't Sam!" Dean argued. "And anyway, what are we supposed to do? Tell him everything so the wall inside his head breaks completely?"

"That's not what he's trying to say, Dean," Lydia snapped. "He's just saying that Sam did some pretty bad stuff to all of us, and it's just going to take a while, okay?"

Dean rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, whatever." He looked over at Lydia. "So…?"

"So what?" Lydia asked.

"I dunno," Dean shrugged. "What we were talking about earlier…"

Lydia sighed. "I'm not making any promises, Dean, but I'm going to try to…forgive him, I guess?"

"Oh." Dean nodded, surprised. "That's…good. Thanks."

"I'm not doing it for you," Lydia said softly. "And I'm not doing it for Sam. I'm doing it for me."

Silence prevailed in the yard before Dean finally said, "Well, Sam's sleeping, and if we're going on that hunt in Oregon, we should go now."

"I've already got my stuff packed," Lydia grabbed a duffel bag and put it in the trunk of the Impala. "Bobby, is this your stuff already in here?" Bobby nodded. Lydia went to shut it, but Dean stopped her.

"Wait, I need to put my stuff in there too." Dean shoved his bags in the trunk, then slammed it shut. He looked back at Lydia and smiled. "Thanks."

"I already told you, I'm not doing it…"

"Yeah, I know," Dean interrupted her. "But still. Thanks for trying."

Lydia saw that Dean was being genuine, so she nodded back. "Yeah. Sure."

"Well," Dean said loudly. "Let's get going. We can call Sam later."

"Call me from where?" Sam was suddenly standing in the yard, looking at the other three hunters. "Are you guys going on a hunt? I'll go."

"Whoa, whoa," Dean out up his hand. "You just got vertical. Why don't you just rest some more?"

"You know what?" Bobby went over and got his things out of the trunk. "Sam, how about you go on ahead? I promised that idjit Rufus that I'd work the phones from him, and Lydia was going to stay here and help me."

"You sure?" Sam asked.

Lydia nodded. "Oh, yeah, I completely forgot about that. You guys go, we'll stay here. It's not a big deal, really."

Both boys nodded, then got in the car, and drove off. Lydia and Bobby watched them go before Bobby asked, "Did you want to get out of that just as badly as I did?"

"Hell yes!" Lydia snorted. "And thanks for covering for me."

"No problem." Bobby shrugged casually, but the corners of his mouth were twitching upwards. "Like I said, somebody's gotta look after ya." He squeezed Lydia's shoulder, then walked into the house, leaving her alone.


	15. You're Doing the French Mistake! Viola!

**(A/N)-Hello lovely people! This is the episode I've been dying to write since the day it aired. Ladies and gentleman (probably mostly ladies), it's time to make the one, the only, the incredible…the French Mistake! The French Mistake is my second-favorite episode of the 6****th**** season- my favorite is The Man Who Would Be King-so let's get right to it! The reviews have been kind of slow lately, so if any of you silent readers are out there-I know you're out there!-tell me what you're thinking. I accept anonymous reviews, so let's hear them! The people who do review: y'all are great, really and truly. Reading your comments, suggestions, and thoughts only make me more excited to write this story. I own nothing except Lydia-or, in this chapter, Lara Chancellor- and I'm not trying to write about any real people like Jared, Jensen, Bob Singer, Kripke, etc. **

November 25th, 2011, was just another day in paradise for Lara Chancellor. She woke up at ten in the morning next to her boyfriend, Matthew, in her king-sized bed. The sun was shining, and it was a beautiful, warm day. Matthew didn't have any gigs to go to that night, and Lara didn't have to go into work today. Everything was perfect. Until…

"What?" Lara answered her phone.

It was Bob Singer, one of the producers for the TV show she worked for, Supernatural. "Lara?"

"I just asked you, what?" Lara snapped.

Bob sighed. "Listen, I know I told you that you had the rest of the week off…but we're going to need to have you come up to Vancouver for the next few days."

Lara rolled her eyes, losing patience as she took a sip of her drink. She had planned to spend the day relaxing with Matthew, but obviously _that_ wasn't going to happen. "Seriously? Please tell me this is a joke."

"I'm sorry," Bob apologized, not wanting to make her any angrier. "Ben changed his mind at the last minute and wrote in your character. You're only in a few scenes, so you'll probably only be here until Monday. Please?"

"Whatever," Lara hissed. "Have Clif drive me in. I gave my driver the weekend off. Wait!" She lowered her voice so Matthew couldn't hear her. "Is he driving Jared and Jensen too?" She didn't particularly like either actor, but at least they were good-looking.

"Nope. They're already up here filming. But he's going to have to pick up Misha…Hello?"

Aggravated, Lara hung up the phone and threw it down on the table. "Shit!"

"What?" Matthew looked over at her, looking bored.

"They called me to go to Vancouver today!" Lara said angrily. "I mean, it's the day after Thanksgiving! What the hell is that?" Matthew shrugged, turning his iPod volume up to drown out the sound of her complaining. "I don't even have the freaking script! And you wanna know what's worse? I have to ride up there with Misha!" Lara rolled her eyes and groaned. "I seriously can't stand him! He's so fucking _weird_! I mean, have you ever looked at his Twitter? He's…" She slapped Matthew's chest. "Are you listening to me!"

Matthew groaned from the pain, then nodded. "Yeah, I'm listening."

"Good." Lara folded her arms and pouted, then looked at her phone when it began to vibrate. "It's Bob. He says he's faxing me the script right now and that Clif will be here in an hour." Lara got off her chair and kissed Matthew's cheek before walking in the house. "I'm going to get ready."

"Okay." Matthew waited until she disappeared inside the house, then put his earbuds back in. He was actually thrilled that she was going to be gone. Lara was hot, sure, but good Lord could she be annoying.

An hour later, Lara reappeared, her hair, makeup, and outfit perfect as usual. She was drinking a coffee and was flipping through her script. "Alright, Clif's in the driveway. I'm leaving now." She kissed Matthew again. "I'll see you on Sunday."

Matthew didn't raise his head to acknowledge Lara leaving; he just continued to play Fruit Ninja on his iPod. Lara walked to the front of the driveway and got into the big black vehicle.

"Hi there, Lara." Clif said kindly.

"Hi." Lara settled in the back seat and started texting her friend Amanda, not even bothering to carry on a conversation with the driver.

They drove in silence for another twenty minutes before arriving at Misha's house. Lara had only been inside it once, and it was weird as all hell. Misha had designed the house and made all of the furniture himself or something like that. Vicki and West, Misha's wife and son, were nice enough. Lara didn't mind them. She just couldn't stand Misha. He was just so eccentric and weird-so different from his character Castiel-that Lara couldn't handle it. Not even his good looks could save him. And he had said something about breaking a world record or something the other day. Playing his love interest was the most awkward acting gig Lara had ever had in her entire life. And the _fans_! The fans of Supernatural were the strangest, most vicious, craziest fandom Lara had ever encountered, based on the stuff she read online and the fan mail (more like hate mail) she received. The Cas and Dean shippers hadn't taken too kindly to her entrance on the show during its fifth season, and she got hate for it constantly. The rest of the fans seemed to like her, but you could never be too sure. She had been invited to a bunch of different conventions for the show, but after going to her first Comic-Con, she swore she would never attend a convention again. Why bother answering questions from creepy, obsessive fans in Tennessee or Brazil when she could be home relaxing in sunny LA?

"Hola!" Misha smiled and waved at Clif. Clif smiled and waved back, and Misha settled in the backseat. He seem surprised to find Lara sitting next to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm going to work?" Lara asked, some nastiness thrown in for good measure.

Misha looked at her strangely. "You don't work this week."

"Yeah, that's what I thought too." Lara looked at the window. "Look at the tenth page of the script."

Misha flipped through the script, then nodded when he saw lines for Lydia. "Oh, Ben wrote you in again?"

"Yup." Lara nodded awkwardly. Finally, after a long stretch of silence, Misha cleared his throat and asked, "So are you going to New Jersey Con this weekend?"

"The Supernatural Convention," Misha explained slowly. "It's this weekend. Are you going or not?"

"No!" Lara nearly burst out laughing. "I hate those things, you know that. I'm not even on the schedule. Don't be stupid."

Misha looked wounded at her harsh words. "I was just asking..."

"Well, don't." Lara snapped.

"Fine, then I won't!" Misha muttered angrily, pulling out his cell phone.

Lara watched him, then said, "Why do you Tweet so much?"

"I dunno." Misha shrugged. "I like it. The fans like it." Misha gave her one of his stupid half-smiles. "You should try getting one."

"No thanks." Lara said condescendingly. Misha tried talking to her again, but she just put her hand up and asked, "Can we just not talk right now? I'm trying to listen to my music, and you're distracting me."

Misha nodded bitterly as Lara put her earbuds in and said, "Sure." He opened Twitter and tweeted, "Y'know, guys, I'm not even sure why I bother sometimes."

The two-hour drive to Vancouver was painfully awkward. But somehow, sure enough, they made it and finally reached the Supernatural set. Misha and Lara got out of Clif's van and looked for Bob Singer.

They found him. As soon as he saw them, Bob yelled, "Hey! There's my favorite couple!" He put an arm around each of them and said, "So did you guys look over your scripts on the way over here?"

"Look over and read silently, yes," Misha replied sarcastically. "Rehearse them together, no, because Little Miss Hollywood didn't want to be distracted."

"Oh, forgive me for wanting to relax, Misha!" Lara snarled. "I read over my script ten times!"

"You read it over once!"

Lara ignored that comment. "Well, I never heard you ask me if I wanted to rehearse the script! If you had asked me, I would've!"

"I did try asking you!" Misha yelled back. "But you told me to stop talking and started listening to your iPod!"

"Guys, guys!" Bob Singer put his hands out pushed both actors away from each other. "Now, I know you guys don't get along. You two fight more than Jared and Jensen did before they stopped talking completely, and believe me, that's saying something!" He took a deep breath before continuing, "But on this set, you are not Lara and Misha; you are Lydia and Castiel, so as far as I'm concerned, when you're on set, you suck it up and act like friends, you got it?" Misha and Lara merely glared at each other, but Bob Singer took it as a good sign. He would rather have them silent than fighting; wasn't he the one that suggested that Jensen and Jared stopped talking altogether after they fought nonstop through the entire first season? "Speaking of Jared and Jensen, I'm going to shoot a scene with them right now. It'll probably take an hour or two, so I want you both to go rehearse together, alright?" Bob clapped them both on the shoulder and walked away.

**XXX**

"You're not saying it right!" Lara protested for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

"I'm saying it fine!" Misha rolled his eyes. "If Bob wants me to say it differently, he'll tell me. Until then, I'm saying it how I want to, so can we please move on?"

Lara huffed, exasperated, and looked down at her script. With as little enthusiasm as possible, she read, "Cas, I told you, I don't need to go to this alternate dimension with Sam and Dean."

"I'm done." Misha threw his hands into the air, completely frustrated. "You're impossible to work with."

"Fine!" Lara snapped. She took a second to get into character, then said, "Cas, I told you, I don't need to go to this alternate dimension with Sam and Dean! I'm fine! I want to stay and fight Raphael with you!"

"Lydia, no," Misha immediately slipped into his Cas growl. "I told you already, it's too dangerous! You need to stay with Sam and Dean. They can protect you, and when I've taken care of Virgil, I'll come get you, I promise."

Lara cringed a bit before yelling. "I don't care! I'm staying with you!"

Misha rubbed his eyes in exhaustion before reading, "Lydia, it's only temporary."

"You don't understand!" Lara grabbed Misha's hand. After all this time, acting like lovers was second nature for them. "I love you, Castiel. We're in this together."

Misha rolled his eyes at the unbelievably cheesy lines. "I know. But I care about you too much. I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt…"

"And that's where Sam and Dean come in." Lara and Misha broke apart immediately. Lara said, "Alright, that was good. You wanna run it again?"

"Cas? Lydia?" Lara and Misha looked to see Jared and Jensen running towards them. "What is all of this?" Jensen asked the two of them. "What did Balthazar do to us?"

Misha and Lara both looked down at their scripts. Jensen was rehearsing his lines, too. They both looked up at each other and shrugged. More time to run through the scene wouldn't hurt, so they just decided to go with it.

"He's cast you into an alternate universe," Misha said that perfectly from memory, pocketing his script. Lara did the same. "It's to keep you safe, to keep you out of Virgil's reach." He held out his hand. "Do you have the key?"

"Yeah." Jared handed Misha a real key, much to Misha's surprise. Misha just shrugged. Actors. What're you gonna do?

"This key unlocks a room," Misha said after a split second of trying to remember his line. "The room holds every weapon Balthazar stole from Heaven."

"That's great," Jared suddenly broke character. "So what's the deal with all this TV crap?"

Lara raised an eyebrow at him. "What are you talking about?"

Jensen nodded. "Amen, Padaleski."

"Padalecki."

Misha pulled his script out of his pocket. "Man, did they print out new pages?"

"Is this some kind of cosmic joke?" asked Jared.

At first, Lara thought they were being stupid and kidding around, but both Jared and Jensen looked completely serious. "Are you guys alright?"

Misha nodded in agreement. "Yeah. You guys wanna run lines, or…?"

Jensen grabbed the script and started reading it. "Wait, these are just lines of a script…" He looked up at the two of them with a puzzled look on his face. "Your name is Misha? And you're Lara? First Jensen, now Misha? Jesus Christ! What's up with the names around here?"

"You guys! You really punked me!" Misha laughed as Jared and Jensen started walking in the directions of their trailers. "I'm totally gonna tweet this one!" He pulled out his cell phone. "Hola, mishamigos. J-squared…got me good. Really…starting to feel…like one of the guys."

Lara, ignoring Misha, watched "J-squared" walk away. "Misha, I think they're actually talking."

"Nah," Misha shook his head as he continued to tweet. "They're probably just getting into character."

**XXX**

Lara and Misha filmed their scenes, then wrapped for the day. Lara had a hotel room that she usually stayed in when she filmed in Vancouver, so she spent the night there. The next morning, she went back to set and prepared to film another scene with Jared, Jensen, and Misha. But the most surprising thing of all was the fact that Jensen and Jared were actually early. They were sitting in their chairs, Misha behind them, and Jared was holding a box that said "priority."

"Oh, 'priority'. What's in it?" Misha asked when he saw the box.

Jared looked at him cagily and answered, "I bought part of a dead person."

"Oh." Misha nodded. "Cool."

Lara slapped his arm and hissed, "Misha!" She lowered her voice and said, "I think he's serious! How is that cool?"

Misha only waved his hand at her. "No, he's just kidding. I've worked with these guys for over two years. They wouldn't really..."

"Bad news," Jensen raced over to Jared. "We're gonna have to do a little acting."

"What!" Jared looked panicked.

**XXX**

"'Supernatural', scene 36, take 1. Marker!" The crewmember disappeared behind the camera as the scene started.

Misha, as Castiel, began his line. "Balthazar is no hero. But he knows Raphael will never take him back." He slowly turned around to face Lara, Jared, and Jensen. Lara was prepped and ready to go, but Jensen and Jared seemed completely off their game. Jared seemed terrified, and Jensen was staring intensely at the camera. They were so focused on...well, Lara didn't actually know what they were focusing on, but whatever it was, it made them both missed their lines completely.

"Cut!" Bob Singer yelled.

Seven takes later, and things were only going from bad to worse. Misha turned around and said his line again; Jared was arranging his arms like he didn't know what to do with them, and Jensen was staring down at his script. "Dean, grimly," he read, to everyone else's horror. "And yet, somehow you got no problem with it."

"Cut!" Bob yelled again.

Lara went over to Bob and hissed, "What the hell are they doing?" Bob shrugged, clearly at a loss. He didn't know what they were doing either.

Everything was set up for the next take, and Jared started his line. "That's because…that's because we have no other choice."

"Don't look at the camera." Jensen advised.

"What?"

"Look anywhere but the camera."

Looking anywhere but the camera, Jared decided to look at the ceiling. "That's because we have no other choice!"

Lara finally lost her patience. "What the hell are you guys doing!" Both Jared and Jensen shrugged, and she stomped off the set. "I can't work like this!"

After a good ten minutes, Lara was coaxed back on the set, but she was considering leaving again after the next take. Jared raised his arm stiffly and said, "If there's a key, then…" He raised his other arm. "There must also be a lock."

"Action!"

Jared took a deep breath and tried again. "If there's a key…then there has to be a lock. And when we find the lock, we can get the weapons, and then we can have the weapons." Misha, Lara, Bob, and just about everyone who wasn't Jensen-he was too busy staring at Misha-was looking at Jared like he had lost his mind. "And the lock. We'll still have the lock, I imagine, because we've opened it, and, of course, the initial key."

"We need to get all three of that crap!" Jensen growled in an unusually deep voice.

"What?" asked Jared.

Jensen, pointing to Misha, said, "That's how he talks."

"Oh."

Jensen suddenly broke character-what little character he had-and looked directly at Bob. "Do we really need all these lines? I mean, I-I-I think we've covered it. Right?"

"Cut!" yelled Bob once more. He looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. "What is happening? What's happening? What's happening!"

Lara went and sat in her chair-her chair was bigger than anybody else's and was far away from Jared's, Jensen's, or Misha's. She started texting away. Only 24 hours left until she got to go home.

**XXX**

Well, that's not exactly what happened. After Jensen and Jared had finally gone crazy and beat up and extra, Bob suggested that Misha and Lara. Clif was busy that night, so Misha was Lara's ride to the hotel. As usual, Misha had tried to make small talk with her, but Lara simply turned up her nose and said, "Just drive."

"Okay, whatever…" Lara climbed into the passenger seat and Misha, sitting on the driver's side, took out his phone and tweeted out loud, "Ever get that feeling…someone's in the back seat? Frowny face…" Lara groaned, impatient, but then saw the backseat in the rear-view mirror and her eyes widened, her breath caught in her throat.

"Misha!" She barely had time to scream the name before the extra that Jared and Jensen had beat up early popped out of the backseat and held a knife to Misha's throat. Misha screamed-like a wuss, Lara noticed-and Lara tried to open the car door to escape. She'd try to find help, but she would rather Misha get stabbed than her.

"Where do you think you're going?" The extra smiled sadistically and held out a gun, pointing it directly at Lara.

Lara stared at the gun for a few seconds before quietly asking, "Are you seducible?" The man shook his head, and Lara sighed. "Dammit."

The man leaned closer and hissed in Misha's ear, "Drive."

Lara had no idea how they had been driving, but after a while, the extra-gone-berserk forced Misha out of the car, the knife still pressed to Misha's throat and the gun still pointing at Lara. "Get out of the car!" he growled.

Once the man was completely out of the car, Lara inconspicuously opened the door handle, crouched out of the car, and ducked on the ground. She had heard once that if you're running away from somebody with a handgun, they only have a one in ten chance of hitting you if you're more than twenty feet away from them. The car between them, Lara and Virgil had plenty of distance between them. Lara tore off her heels and ran like hell. She didn't know exactly where she was going, but she knew she had to get the hell away from there. Misha was probably a dead man by now, and that really sucked for him, but better him than her.

Virgil, watching the girl sprint away, only curled his lips into a smile. His orders from Raphael were simple: kill Castiel. Or this universe's weak, weeping, pathetic version of Castiel, anyway. With Castiel dead, Lydia Carmichael would be just another hunter. If it was possible to kill her, Raphael had said, Virgil should kill her. If he didn't have the opportunity, it wasn't worth worrying about. She wasn't too important in the grand scheme of things, anyway. Virgil pulled the crying Misha into the alley, the knife just as ready to kill as he was…

**XXX**

Lara finally reached a gas station far enough away from Virgil, and she burst through the door, screaming hysterically about a crazy extra. The police went to go investigate the place where Lara had escaped, and sure enough, they found Misha's dead body. He had been stabbed by Virgil literally only seconds after Lara ran away. She felt bad about it, sure, but she was mostly just glad to be alive. The fact that she looked tragically beautiful as she "cried" over Misha's death and talked to the police also lifted her mood. There was never a time she could afford to look bad, not even know.

After a while, Jared and Jensen showed up. Lara, carefully looking at the spectators out of the corner of her eye, threw herself into Jensen's arms "Jensen! Jensen, Misha's dead! Oh my God, he's dead!"

Jensen tore her away from her chest and held her at arm's length. "Did you see what happened?"

"No." Lara sniffled dramatic as she shook his head. "I ran to go get help…"

"You just _left_ him!" Jensen pushed her off of him completely. "What's with the people around here! You think it's okay to just leave somebody to be sliced by a killer angel? You guys are supposed to be in love! Together! You, Lydia, the other you…she wouldn't just leave him!"

Lara dropped the devastated act, her eyebrow raised in major confusion. "What the hell are you talking about? Lydia's my character! Misha was some weird-ass Twitter addict, and I was definitely _not_ in love with him." Then, as an afterthought, she continued, "And what do you mean a killer angel!"

Jensen pushed passed her, angry as hell. "Fucking Hollywood divas. You're all the same. Sam, let's go find somebody who _did_ witness this."

"Sam!" Lara screeched. "Are you guys trying to be in character right now? It's seriously not a good time for that', y'know!"

Jensen, who was walking away with Jared, turned around only to say, "Bitch, would you just shut up!" Lara stared at him, her mouth wide opened indignantly, and watched them go over to some homeless man. Upset, she stomped away and booked the next flight home to L.A. The next day, she called and quit "Supernatural" for good, happy away to be from that madhouse…

**XXX**

In another universe, Lydia Carmichael was busy stabbing some of Raphael's angels with an angel-killing blade. She had gone underground with Castiel a few days earlier, trying to find some of Heaven's weapons. He had demanded, begged, and threatened her to go to alternate universe with Sam and Dean, but she refused absolutely.

"I cannot believe you refused to go with Sam and Dean." Cas growled as he killed another one of his brothers. He and Lydia had been looking for the weapons when they were attacked by Raphael's followers. It was exactly what Cas had hoped to avoid, but Lydia merely grabbed the blade and started fighting back fiercely. Cas still wished she would've gone into the parallel world, but at the same time, he couldn't help but admire her fighting for him. It was more than Sam or Dean had done for him lately, and Bobby _had_ trained her well.

Lydia shrugged as she stabbed another angel and pulled out the blade. "Well, that sucks for you. I'm here. Deal with it."

Cas raised his eyes towards Heaven, frustrated. "I could have sent you anytime I wanted to. You wouldn't have a choice."

"Yeah, but you didn't."

"I'm starting to wonder why." Cas muttered.

"Cause you love me." Lydia smirked as the last angel fell. She and Castiel looked around at the four dead angels on the ground. They were inexperienced fighters and were over taken by the two of them easily. Lydia looked back up at Cas. "Now what?"

Cas wasn't paying attention. He seemed to be focusing on something that wasn't there. "I sense Raphael's presence. We have to go now." He reached out his hand, and Lydia slipped hers in his, still blushing every time she held his hand, even after all this time.

They landed outside a cheap motel with shattered glass scattered everywhere. Dean and Sam were doubled over in pain, and Raphael-who, for some reason, was in a female vessel-and Balthazar stood over them, clearly in an argument.

"You've made your last mistake." Raphael hissed.

"Step away from him, Raphael." Raphael turned, seeing Cas and Lydia for the first time. His-her-eyes narrowed, but Cas only stepped forward, letting go of Lydia's hand. "I have the weapons. Their power is with me."

Raphael had a light smirk etched on her-his-face. "Castiel. You brought your little pet."

Lydia glared at the archangel as Cas continued, "Unless you want to die tonight, stand down."

In response, Raphael disappeared and both Dean and Sam stood up, no longer in the crippling pain Raphael had them in. Balthazar saluted Cas jokingly and said, "Now that you have your sword, Cas, try not to die by it." He smiled at Lydia and nodded at her before disappearing too.

Castiel walked over to the brothers and touched their foreheads, and in the blink of an eye (literally), they were back at Bobby's house with the angel and Lydia.

"Cas, what the hell?" Sam looked around Bobby's house. "Were you…were you in on using us as a diversion?"

"It was Balthazar's idea," Cas sighed. "But I would have done the same thing." Before the brothers could get a word in, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand? If I lose against Raphael, we all lose everything we fought for."

"Yeah, Cas," Dean didn't look comforted. "We know. But you're not telling us much else."

Cas shook his head. "I'll explain when I can." He then went over to Lydia and dropped his voice so the brothers couldn't hear him. "I'll be back soon, I promise." She nodded, but Cas still noticed the worried look she gave him. He kissed her lightly, then disappeared completely.

"What did he tell you?" asked Dean.

Shrugging, Lydia told him, "Mushy-gushy couple stuff that you probably don't want to hear."

"Fair enough," Dean sighed. "Friggin' angels. How come you didn't go to bizarro world with us?"

"Cas wanted me to," Lydia confessed. "But I told him that I wouldn't go and that I would try to find the weapons in this universe." She bit her lip before asking, "So what was it like?"

"What? The other world?" Sam asked. She nodded, and he laughed. "It was ridiculous. We were actors on a TV show called Supernatural, and it was our lives on TV."

Lydia burst out laughing. "Wait, for real?" Sam and Dean both nodded, and she kept on laughing. "Oh my God, that's great! What was I like?"

Dean snorted. "Her name was Lara something or another. Total bitch."

"Really?" Lydia couldn't believe it.

"Oh yeah," Dean nodded. "Biggest diva you ever saw in your life."

Lydia shook her head smiling. "That's crazy."

"You wanna know crazy?" Sam looked over at Dean, grinning. "Bob Singer."

"Oh, don't even go there!" Dean protested. "That guy was a total douche bag. He was nothing like our Bobby."

"Bobby was there?"

"No, not really." Sam paused, trying to think of how to explain it. "One of the directors was named Bob Singer, and the character Bobby Singer was named after him."

Lydia's mouth opened. "What kind of douche bag names a character after himself?"

"That's what I said!" Dean nodded.

"It sounds crazy." Lydia shook her head in disbelief again. "What was Cas like?"

"Well, first of all…" Dean explained. "His name was _Misha_, and the dude was a total Twitter-addict, whatever that is…"


	16. We'll Stay Forever This Way

**(A/N)-Hey guys! I'm sure you're going to hate me for writing two alternate-dimension chapters right next to each other, but I just can't think of a way Lydia could possibly be relevant in 6.16. I also didn't like that episode very much, and it's my story, so I'm skipping it and going directly into "My Heart Will Go On". Thank you to all of you who reviewed, because it's always much appreciated and I'm so grateful for it. The last chapter was really long, but this one is really short, so maybe that balances it out a bit. I don't know how many of you have read the spoiler for 7.13, but apparently they're bringing in a "lust interest" for Dean named Lydia. That's definitely but awkward, but oh well. (And for the record, my Lydia looks nothing like Sara Canning, who's set to play the cannon Lydia. I think Lydia Carmichael looks like Lauren Leech, an actress, but that's just me.) I'm sure you're sick of these long author's notes, so I'm to shut up now, except to ask how many of you participated in GISHWHES and that I own none of the cannon Supernatural characters. That's the CW, lucky bastards…EDIT: Did anybody watch "Death's Door"! I cried so much, guys, I need therapy. **

Castiel had known that when Balthazar unsank the Titanic, the world would change. The world would not only gain tens of thousands of souls, but other changes as well. Some would be drastic-the cure for cancer was discovered, World War III had broken out in the 60's, 9/11 had never happened-and some would not be so drastic. Just small, little changes. Ellen and Jo Harvelle were alive, Ellen was married to Bobby, and Celine Dion was some unknown night-club singer.

But Cas had never imagined that she would be married to another man.

He watched Lydia as she walked down a street in Chester, Pennsylvania, hand in hand with her husband, Alex; the same Alex who, in the original world, had gone on only one disastrous date with Lydia. But apparently, things had worked out quite differently in this world.

"Lydia Clarke." Cas turned to see Atropos, one of the Fates, smiling bitterly at him. "Born July 1st, 1986. Born to Catherine and David Carmichael, who divorced when Lydia was a young girl." Cas looked at her, pained, but Atropos continued talking. "Her mother remarried a man named Arthur Gillian when Lydia was nine, and they moved to Chester, Pennsylvania." She got a sick satisfaction watching Castiel's face. "Lydia and Catherine visited a family friend, Alyssa, in Iowa City when Lydia was nineteen, and she met Alex Clarke, an engineering student."

"Stop." Cas thundered.

Atropos didn't stop, not even for a second. "They married when they were both twenty-three and moved back to Chester. He's an engineer and she's a first-grade teacher." Atropos finally unleashed the biggest blow to the angel. "She doesn't know it yet, but she's pregnant with their first child."

Cas shook his head, trying not to look distraught, and looked back at Lydia. She and Alex were frozen, just as Sam and Dean were, by Atropos. The agent of fate finally let her anger seep through and yelled, "I hope you're satisfied with yourself, Castiel! Do you realize what you've done!"

"Okay, let's talk about this." Cas tried to clear all thoughts of Lydia from his mind. "There's no reason to get emotional."

"Not get emotional!" Atropos screeched. "I had a job, Castiel, and I was very good at what it! Then you and those two clowns…" She pointed at Sam and Dean. "You threw out the book and screwed everything up! Nobody in Heaven would even talk to me anymore! I'm useless!"

"There are more pressing matters at hand." When Atropos started to protest, Cas silenced her. "Your services are no longer required."

Atropos was growing angrier and angrier. "You cannot just unsink an entire ship, Castiel! It doesn't work like that! And don't give me some crap about Balthazar hating some stupid movie, because I know for a fact those orders came from you."

"No, Atropos," insisted Cas. "You're just confused. I wouldn't do such a thing because I have no reason to do such a thing."

"Come on, you and I know this is all about the souls." Atropos stepped threateningly closer to the angel. "That angel created 50,000 new souls for your war machine! You're getting desperate." Atropos shook her head disapprovingly. "You can't just mint money, Castiel. I won't let you."

"You don't have a choice." Cas challenged her.

"Oh yeah?" Atropos boldly got right up in the angel's face. "What about your two little pets over there? If you don't sink the Titanic, I _will _kill them." Sarcastically, she added, "You're not fighting a war or anything, right? So you can watch them every second of everyday?" Atropos even went a step further. "And your little girlfriend?"

Cas' nostrils flared as he barked, "Don't you threaten her!" His breathing was erratic and heavy. "I will personally end you if you so much as touch a hair on her head."

Atropos shrugged. "Oh, I won't kill her. No, I've got a better idea. I'll kill her mother, her stepfather, her husband…her child." Cas looked at her furiously as she eyed Lydia and her husband. "After what you did to me, I can promise you that I'm not above killing a child."

Cas was seething, but he only avoided Fate's glare and said, "Balthazar, don't."

Atropos looked behind her sharply and saw Balthazar, his arms raised, ready to kill her. Innocently as possible, Balthazar said, "Uh…awkward."

Atropos turned back to Cas. "Sink the boat before I flick your precious boys off a cliff." Dangerously, she added, "And don't even get me started on the girl."

"Well then," Balthazar clapped his hands together to relieve some of the awkwardness. "Let's go sink the Titanic."

**XXX**

Lydia Carmichael was at Bobby's house, cleaning her gun as Bobby slept on. She kept glancing up at him every few minutes, hearing him muttering in his sleep. He had just lost Rufus, one of his old friends, and was drinking more than he usually did. Lydia felt terrible about the whole thing, especially how broken-up Bobby was about it. He tried to hide it, but Lydia could clearly see how upset he was.

Then, Lydia felt a cool breeze and looked up to see Castiel standing in the middle of the room. "Cas…" she whispered. Before she knew it, he had rushed over and threw his arms around her, pressing her closely against him. He buried his face into her hair and breathed in deeply, contently. Lydia just stood there, not quite hugging him back, confused. He wasn't usually so outwardly affectionate, nor did he ever cling to her as desperately as he was right now. "Cas, you okay?"

The angel nodded, then pulled away and looked at her, smiling-something Lydia hadn't seen him do in a while. He started playing with her hair and looked her directly in the eyes, his blue ones staring into her hazel ones. "I missed you." He murmured quietly.

"Um…" Lydia was really confused. "I missed you too…"

"Back in Iowa," Cas began. "Do you ever wish you had stayed with Alex instead of me?"

"What?" Lydia became even more confused, if that was even possible. "No, of course not. Why are you asking about...?" Cas cut her off by kissing her on the lips passionately. All of Lydia's thoughts immediately raced away from her, and there they stayed for a few second, their lips moving in sync and that old, familiar feeling of red-hot passion coming back to them. Eventually, Lydia broke away, her breath coming out in short, nervous bursts. "Sorry, I just…"

"No," Cas stroked Lydia's cheek lately. "I just…forgot. I haven't seen you in so long, I should've known…"

Lydia, how was looking down at the ground before, suddenly raised her head and kissed Castiel again, even harder this time, her hands cupping his face. She stopped, took a deep breath in, and quivered, "I can do this, Cas. You just have to…go slow, okay?"

Cas nodded, then finally noticed Bobby sleeping on the couch. "We should probably go…somewhere else…"

"Yeah," Lydia giggled as she nodded. "It'd be kind of weird with Bobby, you know, right there…"

They trailed off into an awkward silence, then grabbed each other and started kissing again. It was slightly strange and foreign to them, because they hadn't done this in such a long time. But after Cas' hands started moving from her back to her butt and Lydia's were moving to take his trench coat, any trace of awkwardness or hesitation was gone. Cas knew he shouldn't make any sudden movements, but in the heat of the moment, he grabbed Lydia's waist and lifted her up so his left arm was supporting her back and his right arm was underneath her knees. He carried her bridal-style to her bedroom, and they continued to French kiss as he did so. Cas stood next to the bed and quietly asked, "Are you sure you can do this?"

In response, Lydia just kissed him harder, and Cas dropped her on the bed and got right on top of her. Gently, they removed each other's clothes until both hunter and angel were completely naked. Finally, it happened. Cas made pure, unadulterated love to Lydia for the first time in a very, _very_ long time. It was everything they had hoped it would be, and it felt amazing.

After it was over, they lay in bed next to each other, their faces flushed red and their breathing irregular. Cas was smiling-_actually_ smiling-and looked over at Lydia to tell her something. He stopped, however, when he saw Lydia staring at him, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Lydia?" Cas propped himself up on one of his elbows and reached out for her, concerned. "Are you okay?"

Lydia nodded, sniffling and wiping her cheeks dry of any moisture. "I'm fine."

Cas was still confused. "Why are you crying?"

Lydia let out a laugh as she started to regain her composure. "I have no idea, actually. I just got…really overwhelmed with everything, y'know?"

"Yes." Cas lied. He actually didn't know, but he would at least try. "Did you not enjoy…what we did?"

"No!" Lydia's eyes widened. "No, don't take it like that. It was great. I just had flashbacks to what happened with Sam. But I'm fine. Really, I am."

"Oh," nodded Cas. Then, he let out a frustrated groan as one of his sisters sent him a message in his head. "The angels require my presence again."

Lydia chuckled. "When don't they?" She wasn't crying anymore, but her eyes were red and puffy, and there was something in them; something like fear. Lydia traced Castiel's lips with her finger. "You should probably get going, then."

Cas looked unwilling, but he nodded again. "Yes." He got up to get dressed, wishing more than anything he could stay for a little bit longer, but there was just no possible way he could. "I'll be back soon."

"I know." Lydia knew the drill. It seemed they were doing this all the time now.

Cas, once he was finally dressed, nodded curtly. He was just about ready to go before Lydia called out, "Wait!" Cas looked at her, surprised, and Lydia bit her lip. "Why did you ask me about Alex earlier?"

"I don't know," shrugged Cas. "I was merely curious."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Oh," Lydia got out of bed, slipped on an oversized t-shirt, and went over to give Cas one last kiss. "Stay safe, angel boy."

"I will." And just like that, Cas was gone once again.


	17. I'm Feeling Like I'm Falling Away

**(A/N)-Chapter 17 already! Holy crap! After this, there are only seven chapters left before the end. I know that seems like a lot, but I really don't want this story to end! Anyway, you guys who read this story, have it under their favorites or a story alert: you all are AWESOME! And my reviewers-you already know how amazing you guys are, I tell you that all the time. So this chapter somewhat cannon-ingly follows "Frontierland" and I'm pretty excited about it. Especially since I'm still upset about "Death's Door", writing this chapter has helped a bunch. I own nothing except Lydia-and ONLY Lydia this time! No alternate versions of her! P.S…Misha's coming back for at least three episodes this season AS Castiel! I'm so happy I could cry!**

"Welcome to the Campbell Family Library." Sam said as he, Dean, Bobby, and Lydia walked down a ladder down to a cold, steel-looking basement. The four of them had broken into the Campbell compound-not a hard thing to do, since all of the Campbell hunters were dead-in hopes of finding something they could use to defeat Eve, a.k.a. "the Mother of All". She was a Purgatory native that created all the monsters of the world, but so far, that's all they really knew about her.

"Wow," Dean looked around the library with the flashlight in his hand. "Can't believe Samuel collected all this stuff…So what exactly are we looking for?"

"Anything that'll put a run in the Octomom's stockings." Bobby sighed, resigned, and started walking towards some of the books. "Pick a row." He, Lydia, and the Winchesters immediately got to work and started flipping through the books. After a while, Bobby asked them all, "Any of you kids heard anything about a phoenix?"

Lydia craned her neck to see the book Bobby was reading. "You mean like the giant burning bird?"

"Yeah, that one," Bobby flipped a few more pages in the book he was reading. "It says here that the ashes of a phoenix can burn the mother." He looked at Lydia, Dean, and Sam, whose mouths were wide open with surprise. "What're y'all gawking at me for? Try to find somethin' about a phoenix!"

It was back to the books again for what seemed like forever. After an eternity of reading all the ancient books, Dean exclaimed, "Guys! Guys, guys, check this out!" He ran over to the table where the other three were sitting. He started to read, "March 5th, 1861. Sunrise, Wyoming. The gun killed a phoenix today. It left a pile of smoldering ash." With a smile lighting his face, Dean lifted the book for all to see and said, "It's Colts' Journal."

"Like, the Samuel Colt?" The corners of Sam's mouth were starting to spread into a smile as Dean nodded. "Dude, no!"

Lydia reached over and grabbed the book from Dean's hands. "Oh my God, it really is! He's not kidding!" Dean looked at her unpleasantly and took the book back, muttering something about getting her own.

"Can you two please behave yourselves?" Bobby snapped. "Dean, what else did it say about the phoenix? What does it look like? Has it got feathers?"

"It doesn't say." Dean shrugged. "It just says 'phoenix'." Dean put the book down and stretched. "So to get one, we have to go back to March 5th, 1861. We're gonna 'Star Trek IV' this bitch."

"Okay, so we go back in time, find Samuel Colt, hunt the phoenix, and bring the ashes back to our time." Sam nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

Lydia put her hand up before anybody else could jump in. "Whoa, whoa. Time travel? Do you guys have a TARDIS that I don't know about?"

"Even better." Dean pointed up towards the sky. "We have your boyfriend." Dean shut his eyes and stood up, trying to pray to the angel. "Castiel! The, uh, fate of the world is in the balance. So, come on down here." Dean opened his eyes to find that Cas still hadn't appeared. "Come on, Cas, 'I Dream of Jeanie' your ass down here pronto." He tried again. "Please?" Suddenly, everybody in the room heard the sound of an angel appearing, so they all looked hopefully to find Cas. Instead of Cas, however, a blonde woman was standing there. "Jeanie?" Dean asked lightly.

"Rachel." The woman greeted them strangely. "I'm here on Castiel's behalf. I understand you need some assistance? How can I help you?"

"Where's Cas?" Sam seemed just as suspicious of the female angel as she was of all the hunters.

"He's busy," Rachel explained (somewhat) patiently. "I'm sure your issue's very important. But Castiel's currently commanding an army, so…"

Dean sighed, obviously frustrated. "So we get stuck with Miss Moneypenny."

Rachel looked straight at Dean, her patience now growing thin. "I think you need to learn your place. I am Castiel's friend…"

Lydia was burning on the inside-she was immediately distrustful of Rachel- but Sam interrupted her before she could get a word in. "Look, I get that you're fighting a war, but we're Cas' friends too, so…"

"Clearly you don't," Rachel became immediately hostile with them. "If you did, you wouldn't call him every time you stub your toe, you petty, entitled little…"

"Rachel." Just a single word silenced the female angel. She and everybody else in the room looked at Cas in utter silence as he looked at Rachel and continued, "That's enough. You go. I'll come when I can." Rachel looked like she was going to argue with Cas, but just one glance from him sent her back up to Heaven.

After a short silence, Bobby coughed uncomfortably. "She a friend of yours?"

"Yes." Cas' eyes locked on Lydia, then moved back down to the floor. "She's very…dedicated to the cause. Now what do you need?"

**XXX**

Lydia stood in front of the bathroom mirror, fixing her hair a hundred different ways, becoming frustrated with it each time, then starting all over again. She had been doing this for almost ten minutes, trying to get her hair perfect. It was silly, she knew, to be worrying about her hair like a teenage girl, but since ever since she and Cas had started sleeping together again, she had been self-conscious every time the angel so much as glanced her way.

Lydia groaned as her hair fell flat once again. She flipped her hair over her head to try to get it teased, then whipped it back up and stood up straight. As soon as she saw the mirror, she was caught off guard to see another figure behind her. She backhanded him as an automatic reaction, then gasped when she realized who it was.

"Shit!" Lydia clamped her hands over her mouth in horror. "Oh God, Cas, I'm so sorry!"

Cas only stepped forward and kissed her neck seductively. "It doesn't matter. You're human, remember? You don't hurt me."

"Right." Lydia muttered as she turned away from the mirror and directly faced Castiel. "Sorry, Cas, I keep forgetting."

"There is no need to apologize." Castiel smirked lightly as he brought Lydia's hand up to his lips and kissed it.

"Wow." Lydia remarked lightly as she intertwined her fingers with the angel's. "I just saw you a few days ago. You must really miss me if you're back so soon."

Cas squeezed Lydia's hand once, gently, then let it go and dropped his arm back down to his side. "I wanted to ask you…were you planning on going back in time with Sam and Dean?"

"Was I planning on it?" Lydia thought for a second. "Well, kinda. I thought all five of us were going to go."

"No," Cas shook his head. "I already talked to Bobby, he's staying here. And I have business to attend to up in Heaven, so it'll just be Dean and Sam."

Lydia nodded, then stopped suddenly. "Wait, so I'm not going back to the West?" Lydia pointed to the dress she was currently wearing; she had went out and bought some old Western dress that was made entirely out of cotton and was a hideous red-pink color. "I bought this thing for nothing? Please tell me you're joking."

"I would…prefer you not go," Cas started to rub Lydia's shoulders soothingly before she jerked away from him. "Time travel is dangerous, not to mention difficult. If something goes wrong, you might be stuck there forever."

"Yeah, I get that, Cas," Lydia folded her arms across her chest. "But I'm not just going to sit here and do nothing while Dean and Sam risk their lives."

"Sam and Dean risk their lives nearly every day," Cas argued. "They're reckless. But that doesn't mean you have to be."

"Why are you being like this?" asked Lydia.

Cas shut his eyes and calmly told her, "I want you to be safe, that's all. I can't keep you safe if you're two hundred years in the past."

"It's only a hundred and fifty years," Lydia muttered. "And anyway, it's no different than you being up in Heaven all the time!"

"Yes it is." Cas rubbed his eyes in exasperation, a very human gesture that he had picked up from Dean. "I really don't think you understand what kind of stupid, unnecessary danger you're putting yourself into, Lydia. You are not going and that's final."

"Well, tough." Lydia snapped, furious that he was telling her what to do. "Maybe if you had actually asked me, I would've thought about it, but if you're going to order me around, I'm going to go whether you want me to or not."

Cas raised his hand and pointed his index finger in her face. "You're not going. I'm going to take Dean and Sam. You're going to stay here with Bobby until I return." Before Lydia could argue, he disappeared, leaving her alone in the bathroom.

"Dammit!" Lydia stomped her foot, frustrated, then rushed into the hallway, looking around wildly. "Cas! What the hell!"

"I'll send you back to March 4th," Lydia heard Cas' voice coming from the living room. "That should give you enough time to find the Colt…"

Lydia, with a jolt, realized what he was doing, and flew down the stairs. She heard Dean say, "See ya at High Noon tomorrow!" By the time Lydia reached the living room, however, Dean and Sam were long gone.

"Cas!" Lydia yelled at the angel, who only stared back at her, emotionless. "Come on, don't be like this!"

Cas didn't even acknowledge Lydia's presence. He looked at Bobby and said, "I have to go now. Pray for me in twenty-four hours, and I'll go retrieve Sam and Dean."

"Cas!" Lydia made a movement towards him, but Cas, still angry with her, disappeared on the spot. "Shit, Cas!" Lydia screamed at the empty air. "Seriously! Why do you always have to be a dick!"

Bobby watched Lydia uncomfortably before mumbling, "Trouble in paradise?"

"Shut up, Bobby." Lydia growled.

"Hey, it ain't my fault y'all are having problems again," Bobby held up his hands. "Speaking of which…is there ever a time you two aren't having problems?"

"We were great about five minutes ago!" Lydia retorted. "I just don't get his problem. He's great one minute, then he's acting like an asshole the next." She groaned loudly as she plopped on the couch. "Maybe it's an angel thing."

Bobby snorted. "It ain't an angel thing. It's a man thing. Angel or not, all men are morons when it comes down to it."

"Yeah, no kidding." Lydia bitterly replied.

Bobby looked down at the books he was holding, then slowly asked her, "Have you ever watched the way he looks at you?"

"What?" Lydia felt some of her anger dissolve as she curled up into a tiny ball on the couch.

"The way Cas looks at you," Bobby said it slowly, like it was a confession. "I see it all the time, Lyd; he's crazy about you."

Lydia, feeling happiness bubble up inside her, tried to focus on Bobby. "But how can you tell?"

"I just can," Bobby explained as he shrugged. "It's the same way I used to look at Karen before she…"

Lydia nodded, remembering Bobby's history and what little he and told her about his wife. Bobby cleared his throat again. "He really does love you a lot."

"I'm sure he does."

"No, don't give me that." Bobby's voice had a hard and bitter edge to it. "When someone loves you like that, Lydia, you better feel damn grateful. You never know when you're gonna lose them."

Realizing he was right, Lydia nodded. "Right." She ran her fingers through her hair and started walking back upstairs to her bedroom. "Give me a call when Casanova gets back, will ya?"

"Will do."

**XXX**

Bobby did end up giving her that call; it took a while, but it happened. Bobby was sorting through some old papers, waiting for the twenty-four hours to be up. At around three in the morning, he heard that old familiar sound of angels appearing. As soon as he looked into his kitchen, he leapt out of his seat. "What the hell!" Castiel was lying facedown in his kitchen, clearly wounded. "Cas?" The angel struggled to look up at Bobby, his breathing ragged. Bobby called up the stairs, "Lydia! Get down here now!"

He heard the sound of her footsteps racing to get downstairs within seconds. Her hair was a mess and she looked like she had just woken up, but her eyes widened when she saw Cas on the floor.

"Oh shit! Cas!" Lydia made a move towards Castiel, but he held his arm out, silently telling her to stay back. He crawled towards the wall and slapped his hand against it, making a circle. As Lydia and Bobby looked on in horror, he drew an angel sigil in his own blood. Lydia had no idea where it was coming from, but there was a lot of it. After he finished, Cas slowly stood up and looked at the pair of hunters uneasily. He seemed to be swaying on his feet.

"Cas?" Bobby pressed gently. "We running or fighting?"

"We're…" Cas looked straight into Lydia's eyes and took a step towards her. He didn't even take another step before she collapsed into her arms.

"Bobby!" Lydia gasped for breath. "Help me! He's heavy!" Bobby took Cas' shoulders and tried to stand the angel upright, but he was out cold. Bobby grabbed Cas' arms and nodded his head towards Lydia, signaling her to pick up his feet. Lydia did, and together, they carried Cas into the living room and laid him on the couch. They stood there and waited for the angel to wake, but he didn't. He was out completely.

Bobby, out of the corner of his eye, saw Lydia standing there rigidly. Her arms were folded across her chest and she was biting down on her lip. He realized what was happening; she was trying to resist the urge to go over to Castiel. Bobby groaned loudly. Dear God, he couldn't believe how stupid these kids could be sometimes.

"Would you just go over there already?" he snapped. "Don't try to act like you're still mad at him, because we both know that's crap."

"No it's not!" Lydia argued, dropping her tense demeanor. "I'm still furious at him!" But her eyes betrayed her; her wall was crumbling.

"Yeah, okay," Bobby grumbled. "Just get over your ego soon, would you?" Bobby walked out of the living room, leaving Lydia alone with the comatose angel. "It's pretty damn annoying, you know."

After Bobby went into the kitchen, Lydia started biting her nails and looking back and forth between the kitchen and the angel on the couch. She silently debated it for a moment, but after a few seconds, she pulled up a chair next to the couch.

"Hey, Cas," Lydia gently took Cas' hand in her own and held it limply. "I'm still pretty pissed, but…" Lydia stopped when she saw the blood on Cas' shirt. Shit. She completely forgot how hurt he was. She quickly unbuttoned his shirt and opened it up wide to see a wide stab wound surrounded by blood. By the time she opened her mouth to yell at Bobby for help, the wound automatically healed itself. Lydia breathed a sigh of relief. "You and your friggin' angel mojo." She hesitated before leaning down and giving Cas a peck on the cheek. "But you're still on my shit list, buddy."

**XXX**

Castiel sat up suddenly, startled out of his sleep. He looked around wildly, trying to find out where he was. He remembered a fight with Rachel, collapsing in Bobby's kitchen…and then nothing.

"Cas?" Lydia asked groggily, snapping out of her sleep too. She blinked a few times. "What happened? You appeared in the kitchen looking like death."

"It was Rachel," Cas said, exhaling deeply as the details of the fight came rushing back to him. "Raphael corrupted her. She turned on me."

"Oh," Lydia nodded. Secretly, she was thrilled-she didn't like Rachel in the very least-but Cas seemed upset about it, so she kept a somber demeanor. "Well, since you're hero, you have about an hour before you have to go get Sam and Dean."

Cas shook his head slowly, looking down at the ground. "I can't. That fight with Rachel…it drained me."

"Well, get another angel to do it, then!" Lydia clutched Cas' arm. "Or a spell or something! You can't just leave them in 1861!"

"I wasn't intending on leaving them there, Lydia," Cas hissed nastily. "But I nearly got myself killed and I'm trying to recover." The bad feelings between them were resurfacing; they were both snapping at each other like crazy. Cas inhaled with an air of frustration and told her, "There's one thing I can try, but it's dangerous. And I would need a human soul."

"Great." Lydia shrugged. "I'm human, and I have a soul. Last time I checked."

"Lydia, no…" Castiel braved himself for the argument that was bound to come. "I want to use Bobby's soul. It's just too dangerous…"

"Please don't start this crap up again," Lydia threw her hands in the air. "If it'll save Sam and Dean, what does it matter?"

"Clearly you don't!" Cas raised his voice, becoming increasingly frustrated with her. "A human soul is pure energy. If I can reach in and touch it, I might be able to bring Sam and Dean back." He kept talking, not letting Lydia say a word. "But it's highly dangerous. Not would it be painful for you, but if I go too fast or do something wrong, you could explode."

"Well, better keep both hands on the wheel, then." Lydia and Cas looked to see Bobby leaning against the doorway. "I'm ready whenever you are, Cas."

"No!" Lydia protested. "Bobby, I got this one!"

Bobby ignored her completely. He walked into the room and sat in a chair. "Let's get this show on the road."

"Guys, please!" Lydia's pleas fell on deaf ears as Cas got some rope and started tying Bobby to the chair. She glared at Bobby angrily. "You're not the only one around here allowed to risk your life, y'know!"

Bobby shrugged. "Hey, I know it. I'm just not looking to argue with your boyfriend right now. You got a problem with it, talk to him."

Lydia rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything more, because Castiel was ready to go. He stood in front of Bobby, and after a word of warning of how painful this would be, Cas reached inside Bobby slowly and got some energy from the old hunter's soul. Bobby was screaming painfully, and Lydia watched as he writhed around in pain. Finally, after what seemed like years, Cas pulled his hand out of Bobby, both to the obvious physical relief of both men.

"Did you get the energy?" Lydia asked.

Cas shook his head, still breathing heavily. "No." A cold icy feeling went through Lydia as Bobby hung his head in defeat. It was almost painful to watch. Lydia knew damn well how much the Winchesters meant to Bobby. And even after all she'd been through with them, she still considered them friends, and she wouldn't let them be trapped in the past. She pulled Bobby out of the chair and sat down in it. "Come on, let's go. We have two minutes left."

Castiel and Bobby stared at her in shock. "Lydia, what are you doing?" Cas asked her, very surprised.

"Trying to save Sam and Dean!" Lydia explained. "And unless you want them to disappear completely, you should probably help me!" She nodded at Bobby. "I never thought I'd say this…but would you tie me up?"

Bobby looked at her incredulously, then nodded and grabbed the rope. "Soul touching, tying up girls in chairs. Hell, if this ain't the kinkiest day of my life, I don't know what is."

"Lydia…" Cas began. Once he saw the look on her face, however, he changed his mind. "This is going to hurt. A lot."

She shrugged, unconcerned. "I don't care. Just get it over with." Bobby finished tying her wrists to the arm of the chair and clapped her on the shoulder before stepping to side. Cas stood directly in front of her now. He only nodded once, waited for Lydia to nod back, then slid his arm inside of her.

It was the worst agony Lydia had ever felt. Physically, anyways. It was a white-hot, burning, searing pain. Lydia was determined to keep her mouth shut, but all thoughts of remaining silent were gone the second Cas touched her soul. She was screaming, the pain so intense it was threatening to consume her completely. The only thing that was keeping her anchored was Cas' other hand gripping her shoulder tightly. He was talking to her, but she could only recognize his voice; his words were lost over the sound of her screaming. She felt rough, fumbling fingers untie her right arm and put her fingers around Cas' wrist. Lydia held onto his wrist for dear life, tears now streaming down her face from the blinding pain.

And then, just like that, it was over. Lydia took a few shuttering breaths in, her eyes still squeezed shut and her fingers still wrapped around Cas' wrist. There was a ringing in her ears so intense that she couldn't hear anything else. After a few seconds, Cas' hand left her and started untying the ropes that had her pinned to the chair. Lydia finally opened her eyes and saw Cas kneeling down in front of her, his forehead pressed to hers. "Lydia, are you okay?" She nodded, wiping the tear tracks from her cheeks.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Cas, you gotta send us back!" Lydia and Cas looked to see Dean and Sam back from the past. Their faces were solemn, and Dean was looking at Cas, pleading. "I know all three of you look like crap, but…"

"Dean," Castiel said that one word with such finality, everybody in the room stopped and looked at him. Lydia was shocked to see him looking just as downtrodden as she felt; she wasn't used to seeing someone as powerful as Castiel looking tired and defeated. "I am exhausted. Lydia is exhausted. Bobby is exhausted. All of us just risked our lives for you. We're not going through that again."

Dean, for once, didn't argue with Cas; he nodded in difficult understanding. Lydia noted with a tiny smile that they must've looked pretty damn bad if Dean wasn't arguing with them. The tense silence was broken by a knock at the door. Sam went to go answer it, and came back a few seconds later, holding a giant package. Everybody was silent and had their eyes locked on Sam as he opened the package to find an old-fashion looking box inside. The four hunters-plus one angel-all held their breath as Sam slid the box open and pulled out a broken, smashed cell phone. Then, he pulled out a letter and began to read, "Dear Sam, I got this address and date off your thingamajig, and I thought the enclosed might come in handy. Regards, Samuel Colt." Sam looked at his brother in amazement as he took out a jar from the package-a jar filled with what appeared to be phoenix ashes.

"Well, looks like I didn't soulonoscopy for nothing." Bobby said from the corner of the room.

"You know what else this means?" Dean looked at the jar before slowly putting on his old Western hat in a true, dramatic, cowboy fashion. "It means that we take the fight to her."

**XXX**

Castiel , for the next few hours, had conversed with Sam and Dean on what would be the best approach to kill Eve, the Mother of All. Dean and Sam were enthusiastic as could be about the whole ordeal, but Cas' mind was on other things. Namely, Lydia. He hadn't had a chance to talk to her since the Winchesters returned from the past, and he wanted to talk to her desperately. After a while, he finally had his chance. He slipped away from Dean and Sam, who were arguing about which tactics to use to attack Eve. Bobby had been in his bedroom recovering, and Lydia was doing the same in her room. Cas appeared next to her bed, and touched her shoulder lightly to wake her up. "Lydia." She looked up at him, and Cas gave her a tiny smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Kinda annoyed at being woken up…" Lydia grumbled before she stretched and sat up. "I'm doing better. You?"

"I'm still…exhausted." Cas confessed. He sat on the bed next to her and decided just to go right into it; Dean had told him on multiple occasions that "tact was never really his forte". The angel took a deep breath in, and said, "Can I talk to you about something?"

Lydia looked at him suspiciously, but nodded. "Yeah, of course. What's up?"

"See, the war in Heaven…" Cas had no idea what to say, so he just trailed off into uncomfortable silence. He had lost his nerve.

"What about it?"

"I'm losing." Cas looked down at his lap, hoping to avoid her gaze. "Badly. Even with the weapons, it's doubtful that I will beat Raphael."

Lydia was silent; she, unlike the others, seemed to grasp the importance of what this meant not just for Cas, but for all of them. Then, she slowly asked, "Are you sure there's nothing we can do? I mean, Cas, if you lose…"

"I know." Cas silenced her. "But there's nothing I can really do. It would take a miracle to win at this point." He started running a hand through his fingers, a very human habit he had picked up. "But there's something else I should tell you…Are you okay?"

"What?" Lydia looked up at him, her eyes filled with pain. She was currently curled up into a ball and rubbing her head. "Yeah, yeah. I'm just getting a massive migraine right now. Can we talk about this later, please? It really hurts."

Cas didn't know what to say. He needed to tell her the truth; he was fairly sure he'd burst if he didn't tell her soon. "Lydia, I know that. But this is very important…"

"I'm sure it is." Lydia now clutched her head in pain. "Cas, can you do your angel-sedation thing?"

"Now?" Cas was becoming increasingly anxious.

"Yes now!" Lydia snapped as she raised her head Castiel saw tears of pain welling up in her eyes. "Cas, my head fucking kills and feels like it's going to explode in about five seconds!"

Cas sighed, then unwillingly put his hand on her head. The effect was almost immediate; Lydia's body relaxed as if she'd been shot with a sedative. She nodded and gasped out a, "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Cas brushed some hair out of her face, then stood up. "You're no doubt still exhausted, so I'll let you sleep some more."

"Well, didn't you want to tell me something?" Lydia grabbed Cas' hand as he turned away from her.

Cas yanked his hand out of her grasp, a little bit harsher than he meant to. "It's not important, Lydia."

"But you said…"

"Never mind what I said," Cas snapped irritably. Then, more gently, he reminded her, "You need to rest. I'll talk to you about it later."

"You sure?"

Castiel would've liked nothing more than to tell her the truth, that _no_, he _wasn't_ okay. He wanted to confide in her what the past year had done to him, what he had done, how scared he really was. But any courage he had to tell her was now gone; the fear that she would reject him like Dean and Sam would was overwhelming.

Instead, the angel nodded. "I'm positive."


	18. Courage Riot

**(A/N)-Guys, hellatus is trying to kill me. All the spoiler-y goodness and pictures leaking from Supernatural…I can't even wait for January, I just can't. (Not to mention Doctor Who isn't coming back for another three days! Any fellow Whovians out there?) Okay, moving on. This chapter follows the episode "Mommy Dearest", but there are things that I did change in the interest of the story. Please, keep the reviews coming, because they make me a very happy writer. J As usual, I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters except for Lydia. So here's the next chapter of this story!**

"So." Castiel purred lightly as he lay next to Lydia, naked, looking up at the stars. It had been a few days since the time traveling incident, and Cas had been up in Heaven the entire time; he hadn't even had time to think about Lydia, let alone spend time with her. When he finally had a free moment, Cas had appeared at Bobby's and whisked Lydia away to a deserted island. Although they only had a few hours to be with each other, both of them made sure that they used that time _thoroughly_.

Lydia stared at the dark sky, shaking her head and smiling. "That was…amazing."

"I agree." Cas nodded, then felt a pang of guilt as he felt Lydia wrap her arms around him and nestled herself closer to his body. He hadn't gotten around to tell her about working with Crowley yet, and it was killing him on the inside.

Lydia instantly picked up on the fact that something was bothering him. "Hey, you okay?" she asked gently.

Cas shook his head. "No, not really." He took a deep breath in and looked back up at the stars, avoiding her gaze. Please don't hate me for this…he thought. "Lydia, over the past year…" Suddenly, he stopped talking altogether; he stared off into space, listening intently. "It's Dean." Lydia groaned loudly, but Cas silenced her. "No, I think it's important. I think it's about Eve."

"It's always about Eve!" Lydia argued as she stood up and brushed off the sand from her body. "I just wish the bitch would die already…Where are my clothes?"

"You threw them over there," Cas pointed behind his shoulder. Lydia walked over to the pile of clothes and started putting them on. "But if we don't take care of her, nobody else will."

"That seems to be the motto to our lives, Cas," Lydia said as she buttoned her jeans. "Still, I don't want to be fighting monsters like her for the rest of my life."

Cas, who was now putting on his clothes as well, added bitterly, "If you hadn't become a hunter in the first place…"

"Dude, you dumped me in my apartment with no money and no source of income," Lydia reminded him gently. "I really didn't have much choice there. And anyways, I was mad and was trying to spite you."

"Can you help me tie this?" Cas was struggling to re-tie his tie, so Lydia came over and did it for him. As he watched her do this, he said, "You know, Lydia, if something happens to me, I want you…"

"Don't give me that speech." Lydia quickly cut him off.

"What speech?"

"That one!" Lydia dropped the tie. "The, 'If-Something-Happens-To-Me-I-Want-You-To-Get-Married-And-Live-A-Normal-Life' speech Sam gave to Dean before he jumped into the pit." Lydia shook her head defensively. "You're going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. We're going to beat Eve and everything's going to be great." Lydia looked at Cas seriously. "I promise."

Cas was stunned; that was exactly what he was going to tell her. "I'm just saying Lydia, with the war going on…"

"Can we just go?" Lydia asked, not wanting to discuss this any further. Cas grabbed her hand, and by the time Lydia blinked, she was back at Bobby's house.

Dean was staring at the two of them, jumping back a bit. Then, he snapped, "Cas, get out of my ass!" He looked at Lydia, obviously put-off. "You too!" He didn't give either of them the chance to respond before he asked them, "Where the hell have you two been? We tried calling Lydia like ten times!"

"We were busy, Dean. We were trying to find out more about Eve." Lydia lied so flawlessly, it almost scared Cas. "We couldn't find much else, though."

"You know what we need?" Sam said, taking a few steps closer to them. "We need an inside man. We've met a couple of friendly monsters, right Dean?" Dean looked doubtful, but agreed that they've might've.

Easier said then done, Lydia thought bitterly. The brothers had remembered a vampire from their past, Lenore, and Cas had disappeared to go find her. They had been waiting for a little over an hour, however, before Cas returned with her.

"Lenore." As soon as the word was out of Sam's mouth, the terrified-looking vampire immediately bolted and tried to run away from them.

The team of five ran after her. Lenore, realizing she was trapped in Bobby's basement, pressed herself up against the wall, looking at all of them suspiciously.

"It's been a long time," Dean finally spoke up. "Do you remember us?"

"I remember," the vampire finally nodded with that suspicious look still in her eyes. "Your hunter friend almost killed me." Defensively, she asked them, "So what's going on? Why am I here?"

"Well, that's our friend Cas our there," Sam pointed to Castiel, who only looked at the vampire coldly. "And we need to talk to you. About Eve."

Lenore immediately turned from defensive to bitter and angry. "Eve? I have nothing to say about Eve. I'm trying to stay away from her." Sam opened his mouth to say something, but Lenore either didn't notice or didn't want to hear it. "I've been camped out in a basement trying not to listen to her, okay? Me and my nest-we can hear her inside our heads. Telling us to kill. My whole nest finally gave in and started to kill again. It's so hard not to give in."

"So this psychic two-way you've got with Mom," Dean asked. "Do you know where she's camped out?"

"You've got to be kidding me," Lenore told them bitterly. "You want me to tell you where she is? You do know she could be listening to us right now. I might as well be a video camera! What are you thinking?" Bobby tried to answer, but Lenore only shook her head, not listening. "You know what? You're all crazy. I can't help you."

"Can't or won't, Lenore?" Sam demanded. "Look, it's clear as day. You still give a crap. You don't wanna kill. And you don't want this whole planet dead."

Lenore looked at all the hunters hesitantly before finally answering them. "Grand Pass, Oregon. She paused for a moment, listening, before adding, "And now she knows you're coming." She shook her head at them. "You actually believe you can stop her?"

"Well, let's go get her, then," Bobby voiced what everybody else was thinking.

"Wait." Lenore's voice rang out and stopped the hunters in their tracks as they were getting ready to leave for Oregon. "I didn't tell you this out of the goodness of my heart. I need something." She took a deep breath in. "I need you to kill me."

"Lenore, look," Dean tried his hardest to talk her out of it. "You don't have to do this. We'll lock you down until this whole thing is over, okay? Witness Protection Program. You'll be safe."

"You don't get it!" Lenore argued desperately. "It's not about that. I'm dangerous. I hear her voice all the time." She was trying so hard to make them understand, Lydia felt only pity for the vampire. "I'm exactly like the rest of my nest. I fed. I couldn't help it. The girl couldn't have been more than sixteen, Sam." Lenore was pleading with them now. "I'll do it again. I can't stop, not anymore. You have to. Please."

Suddenly, before anyone could stop him, Cas stepped up behind Lenore and pressed his hand to the top of her head. Dean, Sam, Bobby and Lydia watched as light poured out of the vampire's eyes, nose, and mouth. Her face burst into flames before she fell to the floor, dead. The hunters all looked at Cas, mouths open.

"We needed to move this along quickly." That was Cas' only response.

**XXX**

"No, Sam. This ain't a computer. A computer has buttons." Bobby growled.

Lydia sighed. They five of them were squeezed into a tiny diner both, and it was pretty uncomfortable. She was literally sitting on Cas' lap-much to Dean's obvious, vocal disgust-and they were all tense about finding Eve, which lead to a lot of aggravated snapping at each other.

"So did you find anything?" Sam asked Bobby.

"Nope," Bobby continued searching on the iPad that Sam gave him. "Just nickel and dime stuff. Basically dead end. You think Vampira was lying?"

"I'll search the town," Cas said. Everybody waited, but absolutely nothing happened. Cas looked a bit thrown, but only cleared his throat and strained harder.

"Cas, you look like you're pooping." Dean chimed in unhelpfully.

Castiel now looked very upset. "Something's wrong. Eve's blocking my powers."

"Are you joking?" Lydia asked. Castiel shook his head, and she buried her face in her hand. "Eve's doing this?"

"Yes." Cas replied. "I don't know how, but she is."

"Well, that's just perfect," Dean snapped. "Without your power, you're basically just a baby in a trench coat."

Dean was clearly kidding, but Cas looked out the window, upset. Lydia stopped listening to the rest of the conversation and whispered in Cas' ear, "Hey, you okay?" Cas didn't answer her; he just kept staring out the window. Lydia sighed and kept whispering to him. "Come on, Dean was just being an asshole. He didn't mean to. You know as well as I do that he has a talent of sticking his foot in his mouth." Lydia kissed his temple lightly before adding, "I still think you're amazing, Cas."

"Um, Lydia? Cas?" Sam seemed hesitant to interrupt them, but once he had their attention, he told them, "We're going to get going now." Lydia and Cas both nodded before standing up. As they followed the other three hunters out the door, Lydia felt Cas take her hand and squeeze it gently.

**XXX**

After hours of exploring the town and trying to find Eve, they all entered a bar to find dead bodies scattered everywhere. As they walked around, Bobby said, "Well, the Sheriff's a moot, but you'd think he'd notice this many missing folks."

Dean bent down to inspect a dead woman. He opened her mouth to see a mess of bloody fangs. "We got a vamp over here!" Then, he picked up her limp wrist and told them, "Nope. Scratch that. It's a wraith." Dean shook his head as he stood up. "What the hell? What has fangs and a spike?"

"I dunno," Bobby confessed. "Eve's making hybrids, I guess." He looked up at Dean. "Well, congrats, you discovered it. You get to name it."

Dean thought for a moment before he exclaimed, "Jefferson Starships!" When Bobby, Sam, and Lydia all turned and looked at him, confused, he smirked and explained, "Because they're horrible and hard to kill."

Sam gave his brother a "you're-an-idiot" look before asking, "Okay, fine. But why are all the…Starships dead?"

"Can't say," Bobby nudged one of them with his foot. "But looks like they all burned up from a high fever or the flu or somethin'."

"Hands where I can see 'em!" A voice rang out, startling all of them. They turned around to see the police, the guns pointed at the hunters.

"This isn't what it looks like, I promise." Castiel tried to explain.

"Yeah!" Lydia noticed Dean crawling behind the bar, but kept her eyes locked on the cops, not wanting to give him away. "We're the Feds!"

Feds or not, it took less than a minute for Lydia, Cas, Sam, and Bobby to be arrested and put in the back of a police car. They were all put in separate cars, so Lydia didn't have the chance to talk to any of her friends. After an agonizingly short drive to the police station, she, Bobby, Sam and Castiel were all led out of their cars and lead into the station. Sam tried to explain the situation to the officers, but the Sheriff wasn't listening.

"Straighten out a massacre?" he sneered. "I'd like to see you try."

Sam then looked up, his eyes widening as he looked at the security footage; the officers' eyes were all unnaturally glowing. Sam's head flew back and head butted the policeman holding him. As the monster-cop fell to the ground, Sam cried out to the rest of them, "It's the Jefferson Starships!"

Lydia instinctively did the same head butting move as Sam to get away from the Starship holding her. It gave her a bitch of a headache, but it worked. Even though their hands were literally tied behind their backs, the hunters could still put up a fight. Lydia saw one of the Starships attacking Cas, so she kicked it in the gut, causing it to fall to the ground. Dean raced over and cut its head off, then went over to help Sam, who was currently be beaten by the Sheriff-Starship. Lydia was taken off-guard and was pinned to the wall by her neck, a Jefferson Starship holding her there tightly. She closed her eyes and tried to escape, but to no avail. Then, she felt warm blood squirt across her shirt and her face as Cas sliced the Starship's head off and pulled her off the wall roughly. The rest of the Starships-save for one Dean and Sam were standing over carefully-were dead, but Cas still kept a firm hold on Lydia's upper arm, keeping her close.

**XXX**

Lydia looked on as Bobby sliced the Sheriff's face with a silver knife, causing the monster to groan painfully, then start laughing. She and Cas were watching Bobby interrogate the last surviving Jefferson Starship. Dean and Sam had run to the back of the prison after hearing what could've been more Starships. Lydia's hand was planted firmly in Castiel's as they watched tensely, then turned around to find Sam and Dean standing with two boys.

"We got a couple of hungry human boys here," Dean explained as he led the boys through the room and out the door. "C'mon, guys." Sam questioned them about Eve, but the older-looking boy just shook his head.

"It was just me and Ryan." Dean then asked if they had any other relatives, and the boy responded, "Yeah. An uncle, in Merritt."

Dean immediately agreed that he and Sam would take the boys there, but Cas looked less than pleased with that idea.

"Dean, may I have a word?" Cas asked darkly. Dean nodded and went into another room to talk to the angel. Lydia heard them talking in quick, furious tones before she saw Dean storm out of the room.

"You know what, Cas?" Dean growled. "I'm getting a little sick and tired of the greater purposes. I think what'd like to do know is save a couple of kids. If you don't mind." Dean glared at the angel, but Cas merely glared back. Dean broke eye contact with Cas and turned towards the brothers, as well as his own. "C'mon, guys. Let's get going." He led the other three out of the room, looking back only to throw Cas the dirtiest look he could muster.

Cas, on the other hand, didn't speak to Lydia or Bobby; he stood and looked out a window. Bobby took care of the Leviathan in the backroom, but Lydia stayed behind, watching Castiel out of the corner of her eye. Eventually, when she couldn't take it anymore, she went over and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind him.

"Hey." Lydia breathed in Cas' scent, leaning her head on his back. The angel was stoic in her arms and didn't acknowledge her. It was hard to believe that this was the same Cas that Lydia had had sex with on the beach only hours before. "Sam and Dean'll be back before you know it."

"Maybe…" Cas didn't sound convinced. "Unless they find more wayward orphans along the way," Cas mocked them bitterly.

"Why are you being so nasty?" Lydia let go of her hold on Cas and stepped back a bit. "They're trying to save a couple kids, Cas. We can hold down the fort until then."

"If you two can please save this for later," Bobby was standing in the doorway, narrowing his eyes at the two of them. "I want to find Eve, and the only way we're doing that is to go poke that pig 'till he squeals. So can I get some help with that?"

Lydia and Cas both nodded, and went over to help him. The Starship had gone immense damage from Bobby's questioning, but he still hadn't cracked. Lydia tried a few more of the same tactics that Bobby used, but she only got the same snarky replies that the older hunter did. The two hunters tried everything they could think of, but the Sheriff-Starship kept his mouth firmly shut. When Lydia and Bobby were in the back of the room, thinking of what to do next, Cas requested, "Would you two mind if I had five minutes alone with him?"

"Cas?" Lydia asked him hesitantly as she put a hand on his arm gently. There was just something about his tone that she didn't like-didn't trust. "You don't even have any powers. Why do you…?"

Castiel silenced her by pressing his lips to hers. It wasn't a sweet gesture, however, and Lydia knew it; it was a way to get her to shut up. Once she pulled back and opened her eyes, the look in Cas' eyes only confirmed her suspicions. Without another word, the angel slipped inside the room with the Starship, leaving Lydia and Bobby to wait outside anxiously.

It didn't even take five minutes for the Starship to crack; it took less than two minutes. Lydia and Bobby, after a while, heard the Starship howl painfully, followed by Cas walking out of the room, scrubbing off what looked like blood off his hands.

"Eve's at 25 Buckley Street," Cas said calmly, looking casually at the two of them, despite the horrified looks they were giving him. "Now would be a good time to call Sam and Dean." He turned away from them and walked back in the direction he came, leaving Bobby and Lydia alone. The two hunters made eye contact, both of them seeing the fear in the other's eyes before they dropped their eyes to the floor, neither of them knowing what to say next.

**XXX**

The very second Dean and Sam got back, the five of them were out of the police station and trying to find where Eve was as quickly as possible. They eventually found 25 Buckley Street-it was the address of the diner where they had eaten earlier.

"You've got to be kidding me," Dean groaned. "She's been in there the whole time? But then why the hell would she just let us in and out like that?" Everybody else was silent, so Dean only shrugged and started towards the diner, pulling out his gun and gripping it tightly.

"What, are you just gonna stroll in?" Bobby hissed. "We don't know who's human or who's with her. You can't just…"

Dean shrugged again. "Bobby, c'mon, there's only one way to draw her out. Me and Sam will go in." Bobby tried arguing with him, but Dean, as always, didn't listen. "If we don't get a shot, you three take it. That's the plan and I'm sticking to it."

With one last look, the Winchesters slowly went into the diner as the other three held their breaths fearfully. Lydia glanced over at Bobby and asked, "Are they always this stupid?"

"Pretty much." Bobby nodded.

Silence descended on them once again; the party three watched as Eve started talking to Sam and Dean. They couldn't make out what they were saying, but Lydia and Bobby had their guns locked and loaded, ready to barge into the diner and attack at any seconds. They were so focused on the diner, however, that they didn't notice the Starships creeping up behind them. Lydia felt a hand clap over her mouth and her gun thrown out of her hand before she felt another arm snag around her waist and drag her out of her hiding place. Wildly, her eyes moved towards Cas and Bobby, and she saw that they were all being held by a couple of Jefferson Starships. Before she had the chance to try and fight them off, the Starship holding her dragged her, along with Bobby and Cas, into the diner and right into Eve's trap.

Lydia couldn't help but feel a flash of panic as Eve, the Mother of All, took her eyes off Sam and Dean and looked at the three of them. She looked directly at Cas and smirked lightly. "And you, wondering why so flaccid? I'm older than you, Castiel. I know what makes angels tick. Long as I'm around, consider yourself...unplugged." Eve gave him a sarcastic wink that made Lydia's blood boil before she walked back to the Winchesters. "Work for me. It's a good deal." When Sam and Dean only glared at her further, she rolled her eyes. "If you do, I won't kill your friends. That's a bonus, right?"

"Alright, look," Dean glared at Eve with so much anger and hatred, it scared Lydia. "The last few months we've been working with an evil dick. We're not about to sign up for an evil bitch." Lydia and Bobby looked at each other, both of them wondering what the hell Dean was doing. "We don't work with demons. We don't work with monsters. And if that means you gotta kill us, then kill us!" He shook his head and looked straight into Eve's eyes without batting an eyelash. "Beat me with a wire hanger, Mom, but the answer's still no."

In response to this, Eve appeared right behind Dean, pulled his head back, and bit his neck. Sam, who was also being restrained by Starships, shouted his brother's name and struggled towards him. Bobby, Lydia, and Cas did the same, but stopped when they saw Eve stagger back, coughing violently.

Dean, pressing his hand to the wound in his neck, stood up and held up a shotgun shell. "Phoenix ash. One shell, one ounce of whiskey. Down the hatch." He raised his eyebrows, enjoying the furious look Eve was giving him. "It's a little musty on the after burn, but if it works, it works." Of course, Dean being Dean, he couldn't resist adding one last remark. "Call ya later, Mom."

Lydia watched as Eve crouched down and transformed into another form; she took the form of another, younger, dark-haired girl. A bright light started glowing from her chest, and Eve stood there, choking and sputtering. Blood and another dark substance started running down her face, and eventually, Eve fell to the ground, dead. Dean had killed her. The bitch was dead.

Her children, however, were far from dead; they all went wild and started attacking the hunters viciously. The hunters defended themselves, but they were dangerously close to being overtaken when Cas raised his hand and roared, "Everybody, shut your eyes!"

Lydia closed her eyes as a blinding light filled the entire diner. Lydia's eyes, although they were shut, were still watering from the light, and she tried shielding them with her arm. Once the light disappeared, Lydia removed her arm and opened her eyes to see all the monsters dead. She breathed a sigh of relief, shaking her head, before she ran over to Cas and threw her arms around him. He hugged her back, briefly, before they both let go and looked at the other hunters.

"Cas, we gotta take you on more hunts." Bobby was staring at Cas, shaking his head in amazement.

"Um, Cas?" Sam awkwardly asked the angel. "Dean's bleeding pretty good, and…I think Eve turned him into a Jefferson Starship. Do you think you could…?"

Sam never had to finish his request, because Castiel had already touched Dean's shoulder, healing Dean completely. Dean nodded thankfully as he stood up. "Alright, we're good. We gotta move now. That little kid, Ryan-he's one of them. Eve turned him into a Starship."

Lydia's eyes widened in horrified surprise. "I thought you guys tested him!"

"We did!" Dean shot back. "But Eve perfected the model and he slipped right past us! Can we please just go before he kills somebody!"

Cas nodded as he went around, touching all of them on the forehead and transporting them to the boys' uncle's house. Lydia shut her eyes, disappointed, when she saw who she assumed to be the uncle dead on the floor. They had arrived too late.

Dean seemed to share her disappointment. "We kill the Wicked Witch and she still wins. I mean they could've turned half the town by now." Castiel started to say something, but Dean stopped him before he could. "Don't say it."

Bobby was walking around the room, investigating. He opened a closet door, then jumped back as the boys' bodies fell out onto the floor.

"Found 'em." Bobby said breathlessly.

Sam bent down near the bodies and lightly touched a yellow powder that Lydia immediately knew was sulfur. "It was demons. Demons got them." Sam sighed.

Everybody was silent for a few minutes. Cas almost immediately transported them back to the diner, but nobody said anything; there was nothing left to say. But eventually, the silence was broken by Dean, who pulled out his keys with a heavy sigh.

"Y'all ready to go?" Dean asked. Sam, Bobby, and Lydia all nodded. Dean looked over at Cas and told him, "We'll catch ya later, Cas." Cas didn't look back at them; he was pensively staring at all the bodies on the diner floor. Sam nudged Lydia, gave the back of Castiel's head a nod, and raised an eyebrow. Lydia shook her head; she wasn't going to bother to try to say goodbye to the angel. There was no point when he got in a mood like he was right then.

The four hunters left the angel standing in the diner and started walking out to the Impala in silence. Dean, Sam, and Bobby had all opened the doors and were about to get in the car, but Lydia stood there, frozen, watching them.

"Lyd, are ya coming?" Bobby asked her.

Lydia, exasperated, looked back at the diner, then looked back at the three of them and shook her head. "No, I'm gonna go talk to Cas for a while. I'll get him to take my home in a bit."

"You sure?"

She nodded. "Yeah. You guys go ahead. I'll meet you back home."

"Alright." Dean shrugged as the three men hopped in the car. "We'll see you later, then." Lydia watched as the black Impala rolled off into the night, then turned around and walked towards the diner. The door was wide open, and Lydia was about to walk right in, then stopped, her heart stopping for a few beats. She ducked down and hid behind the doorway, peaking to see Castiel talking to none other than the demon Crowley; the same demon who had been dead for months.

"Really, Cas?" Lydia shut her eyes and clenched her fist tightly; there was no mistaking that accent. "This is getting ridiculous. How many times am I going to have to clean up your messes?"

It was then that Lydia exposed herself, standing up and moving out of the doorway, into the diner. Cas' face went from a dark scowl to a pale look of shock and guilt. "Lydia, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing!" Lydia yelled back. Her eyes locked on Crowley as her brain struggled to keep up. "And you! I thought…we all thought you were dead!"

Crowley smirked at her, shaking his head. "Not quite, sweetheart. Cas and I have been in business together for quite a while." Lydia's head shot towards Cas and she stared at the angel, disappointment and confusion filling her eyes. She blinked once, and all those emotions were gone; all that was left in her eyes was anger.


	19. Blacks Holes and Revelations

**(A/N)-Hey guys! I hope all of you had a great Christmas/Hanukkah/whatever holiday you celebrate! I just got a new computer, so I'm still trying to figure out how to work it, and that's why this chapter is later than I expected. Your reviews and story alerts/favorite story alerts are so great and I'm so grateful to all of you that follow me. I hope Hellatus isn't treating you too badly, and even if it is, we only have ten more days left! This chapter, chapter 19, follows part of "The Man Who Would Be King", but it's pretty AU. The actual action and more exciting moments of this episode are coming in the next chapter; this chapter is mostly talking, flashbacks, and mindless fluff. Not to exciting, but next chapter will hopefully be a bit better. Okay, I'm going to shut up now! Here's the chapter! **

"Lydia, just listen to me!" Cas ran after Lydia, who had stormed out of the diner angrily. "I know you're upset, but please listen to me…"

"Listen to you!" Lydia turned on her heel and screamed in Castiel's face. "You want me to listen to you? I think I heard enough!"

She turned around and kept walking away from the diner, but Cas kept up with her, walking right next to her. After a few seconds, Lydia stopped and turned to face the angel. "Would you please cut that out!"

"Not until you calm down and listen to me." Cas grabbed her arm and pulled her closely; they were so close that their noses were almost touching and they could see every little detail in each others faces. Lydia was silently glaring at him, so Cas took the opportunity to explain himself.

"This is the thing I tried telling you about," Cas slowly started. "I just never got the chance to."

Lydia folded her arms across her chest, completely focused on Cas, so much that she was oblivious to the fact that it was starting to rain. "How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you been working with him?" Lydia demanded.

Cas shut his eyes, reluctant to answer. Finally, he opened them and unwillingly told her, "About a month after Sam jumped into the Pit." Lydia threw her arms into the air, furious, but Cas quickly tried to talk. "Lydia, I wanted to tell you. I did. But there was just too much going on…"

"Cas, that was almost two years ago!" Lydia was fighting every urge in her body not to hit him right then and there. "I was there, at Bobby's, the entire time! Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because…" Cas struggled to find the right words. He touched Lydia's cheek lightly, trying to brush away a random raindrop, but she pushed it away with so fury that he kept his arm locked at his side. "Listen, if you just come back inside with me, I can explain everything, I promise…"

"No." Lydia hissed. "Tell me now. I don't care if I have to stand in the rain all night. You're telling me right now."

Cas extended his usual two fingertips and pressed them against her forehead lightly, taking them both to his favorite heaven; the Tuesday afternoon of an autistic man who drowned in a bathtub in the fifties. There was snow on the ground, but neither he nor Lydia felt any cold. Looking behind him, he sat down a bench and motioned for Lydia to do the same. Once she was sitting, Cas looked as his hands as he sighed quietly.

"You know that I've been here for a long time," Cas began. "I remember when I was younger, I was at this shoreline with an older brother, and a little fish crawled on the beach as my brother told me not to step on that fish, because there supposedly big plans for that fish." The angel cracked one of his rare, genuine smiles, and Lydia, in spite of all her anger, couldn't help but smile back. Cas' face got serious again as he told her, "I was there for all the Bible stories you're probably familiar with, like the Tower of Babel and Cain and Abel and David and Goliath. The angel sighed, fidgeting with his hands. "But the most remarkable thing I remember is how two boys, an old drunk, and a fallen angel stopped destiny…with a little help from a drug-addicted stripper."

"Shut up, I barely did a damn thing." Lydia nudged him with her arm.

Castiel nodded proudly as he continued, "We stopped the grand story by ripping up the ending and the rules and the destiny…" Cas sighed heavily. "And that's great, but what if I made the wrong choices and how would I know and how am I going to…" He stopped for a moment when Lydia touched his hand lightly, reminding him that she was there. He nodded, shutting his eyes, before murmuring, "I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll tell you everything I did this past year. Everything."

**XXX**

_"Hello, partner," Crowley looked up from his experiment as Castiel walked into his lab. "So Eve's brain is dead as a tinned kipper, and yet…" Crowley reached into Eve and pulled out a handful of eggs. "She keeps laying eggs…Watch this." The King of Hell himself touched Eve's brain with a poker, and the vampire he was keeping chained up seized and screamed violently. Crowley pulled the __poker away and shrugged. "Chocula here feels every tickle. Apart from the obvious erotic value, I'm stumped. Can't figure out why or what it's good for." _

_ "Crowley," Cas sounded exasperated with his so-called partner. "You said Eve could open the door to Purgatory."_

_ "Correct. I'm confident she could have…if she was still alive!" Crowley roared furiously. "We had the single best chance to get over the rainbow, and the Winchesters went and killed her!" Crowley shook his head, fuming. "You screwed up, Cas. You let the hounds mangle the pheasant, and now I am up to my elbows in it."_

_ "Crowley, what does it possibly matter?" Cas coldly questioned the demon. "I'm holding up my end of the bargain."_

_ "You sure that's all your holding?" Crowley stepped closer to the angel and breathed in. "I can smell her. Your girlfriend. I thought we agreed-no more date nights. Not to mention that your two little pets are currently trying to hunt me down and kill me!" The demon gave Cas a bitter smile. "Forgive me, but I think you might have a conflict of interest here."_

**XXX**

"Crowley, of course, had a point," Castiel's face grew almost proud as he started talking about Dean and Sam. "My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters' guardian. They taught me how to stand up, what to stand for…and what generally happens when you do." Some of the worry had seeped back into the angel's weary voice. "We stopped Armageddon. But losing Sam…it was just too terrible. And in all my arrogance, I thought could go to Hell and raise Sam…"

"It was you," Lydia gasped. "You brought Sam back. But Cas, why wouldn't you tell me or Dean or somebody? Dean spent an entire year having no idea his brother was even alive, and Sam did really, really horrible things…"

"I know that," Cas rubbed his eyelids in exhaustion. "I thought I could raise Sam by myself. I was arrogant. I thought…" Cas shook his head, unable to finish. "And I did end up raising Sam…but not all of him."

Lydia nodded. "So that's why he didn't have a soul. You didn't bring back his soul." Lydia bit her lip before asking, "It was an accident, right?"

Cas nodded, and continued the story…

**XXX**

_Crowley watched the vampire writhe in agony with a mild interest before turning to Cas. "I'm begging you, Castiel. Please. Just kill the Winchesters." He raised a warning finger as he said, "And if you don't, I will."_

_q"Crowley, no," Castiel firmly told the demon. "We've been through this before. If you kill them I'll just bring them back." The angel shook his head. "We have bigger things to worry about, like Purgatory. If you don't find it, we will both die again and again, until the end of time. The Winchesters won't get to you."_

_ "Go on and let them get to me!" Crowley roared as Cas walked out of the laboratory. "I'll tear their friggin' hearts out!"_

**XXX**

After Cas finished telling her what happened in the lab, they both sat on the bench in silence. Cas was worried that she would reject him and start yelling at him again, but instead, she dully stated, "I don't understand." When Cas looked at her questioningly, she raised her head and sighed. "Why Crowley? Why would you start working with him in the first place?"

"Raphael," Castiel's voice had a hint of bitterness and hatred in it. "wanted to start the Apocalypse all over again. He demanded that I and the other angels pledge ourselves to him so we could free Michael and Lucifer, and the big fight would happen as planned."

"And what did you do?" Lydia asked.

"I said no," Cas stood up a bit straighter. "And got knocked into next week by my big brother."

Lydia nodded, catching a few snowflakes with her hand. "That's why you started the war? To stop the Apocalypse?" Cas nodded, and Lydia patted his hand gently. "No offense Cas, but that's a heavy burden for anyone to carry by themselves."

"I know." Cas looked ashamed of himself. "That's why I started working with Crowley. I didn't seek him out; he came to me with an offer..."

**XXX**

_"Castiel. Angel of Thursday." Castiel, who was watching Dean rake leaves, invisible to the former hunter, turned around to see Crowley, the King of Hell, smirking behind him. "Just not your day is it?" Crowley starting circling the angel, as if he was inspecting him. "How'd you like to discuss a simple business transaction?"_

_ "Are you trying to make a deal with me?" Cas was dumbfounded. "I'm an angel, you ass. I don't have a soul to sell."_

_ "That," Crowley pointed at the angel, "is exactly what I want to talk about. "The souls. That's what it all comes down to, right? If you want Raphael's head on a pike and happy endings for all of us, I suggest you come with me for a little chat." Crowley winked. "Just hear me out. Five minutes. No obligations. I promise-I'll make it worth your while, angel."_

**XXX**

"So you went with him?" asked Lydia. "Cas, Crowley's bad news. Even I know that. For God' sake, he's the King of Hell! Why would you…?"

"I'm not a fool, Lydia," Cas sharply defended himself. "I wasn't then and I'm not now. I knew who Crowley was and what he did. But I was smarter than him, stronger. I see now that I was prideful." Cas' shoulders slumped a bit, and he sighed. "So maybe I was a fool after all…"

**XXX**

_Castiel found himself…somewhere. Where he was, he had no idea. Crowley stood next to him, taking in the scene with a smile, as Cas watched what looked like billions of people standing in a long, never-ending line._

_ "Where are we?" asked the angel._

_ "You don't recognize it, do you?" Cas shook his head, and Crowley beamed with pride. "It's Hell, new and improved. See, problem with the old place was most of the inmates were masochists already. A lot of 'thank you sir. Can I please have another hot spike up the jacksie?' But just look at them." Cas watched as everybody in line took one more step forward. "Nobody, not even the masochists, likes waiting in line. And when they reach the front of the line…they go right back to the end again." Crowley winked. "That's efficiency."_

_ "You have four minutes." Cas deadpanned._

_ Crowley rolled his eyes. "So what are you planning to do about Raphael?" He never let the angel answer; instead, he exclaimed, "How about resistance? You know, you got a lot of angels swooning over you, Castiel. You know, with you being 'God's favorite' and all. Buddy boy, you've got what they call sex appeal."_

_ "Thank you, I'm not strong enough and you know it, Crowley," Cas was growing more and more impatient. "Now get to the point."_

_ "Angels need leaders, Cas," Crowley explained. "So be one! Gather your army and kick the candy out of each and every angel that shows up for Raphael."_

_ "Are you proposing that I start a civil war in Heaven?" Cas' voice was full of disbelief and doubt. "You're asking me to be the next Lucifer! And the power that it would take to mount a war…"_

_ "More than any of us have ever seen, yeah," Crowley put his arm around Cas' shoulders and extended his other arm. "But picture this for me, Castiel. Purgatory. An untapped oil well of every fanged, clawed soul. I mean, what's that over the years? 30 or 40 million? Just sitting there, plump and rich for the taking."_

_ Castiel shrugged Crowley's arm off of him and continued walking down the long hallway of Hell. "And how would you find it when no one ever has?"_

_ "From experts, of course," Crowley purred smoothly. "I know of two eerily suited 'Teen Beat' models with time on their hands. Hey, there's also a big, bald patriarch I can take off the bench. The point is…they can get us to the monsters. The monsters can get us to Purgatory. I know it." Crowley raised his eyebrows and said, "Just give me half the souls, and all this could be yours."_

_ "So that's your price in all of this?" Cas squinted at the King of Hell, trying to make sure he wasn't being fooled. Crowley nodded, but Cas looked less than pleased with the idea. "This is pointless. Your plan would take months, and I need help now."_

_ "Ducky, my position isn't all that stable," Crowley dropped the charm. "Those souls would help, just like they'd help you. Besides, wouldn't you rather have me in charge? The devil you know instead of the devil you don't?" When Cas merely squinted at him, Crowley sighed. "Okay. I'll show you just how serious I am about this scheme…How about I float you a little loan? 50,000 souls from the pit. You can take them up to Heaven. Make quite a showing. It's either this or the Apocalypse all over again. Everything you've worked for-everything Dean and Sam worked for- all gone." Cas knew that Crowley was dangerous, that he shouldn't listen anymore, but Crowley was playing on what affected him most-his ego. He kept on listening. "You can save us, Cas. God chose you to save us. And I think…deep down…you know that."_

**XXX**

"Crowley…" Cas struggled to explain himself to Lydia. "He tapped into the most dangerous part of me-my pride." The angel sighed, "I know it's not an excuse for what I've done, but he made me believe that I could stop Raphael if I worked with him, and the thought of being a powerful leader like that…" Castiel shook his head, unable to go on any further. "And so went the road of good intentions."

Lydia was silent again, looking down at her lap. She tucked a piece of hair around her ear and tried to comfort him. "Cas, you tried to do the right thing. I get that, I do. But why did you not think you could tell me or Dean what was going on?"

"I don't know," Cas admitted after a long silence. "It all goes back to my arrogance. I thought, after becoming an angel again, I didn't need to depend on you all anymore. Dean was retired, and I wanted him to stay that way. And you could finally be free of me; I thought that you wouldn't be in harm's way anymore..."

"Because that worked out so well." Lydia retorted.

Cas nodded, realizing she was right. "I know. I'm sorry." He paused for a few seconds. "I didn't want to leave. It pained me just as much as it pained you. But I thought I was doing the right thing." He paused again. "I thought about you all the time. Every day, in fact."

Lydia, after looking at him for a while, start rummaging through her pockets. She eventually found what she was looking for and pulled out a familiar-looking necklace; it was the necklace that Alyssa had given her right after she had first met Castiel. Lydia heard Cas make a surprised sound, and she smiled lightly. "That necklace just has a way of coming back to me, y'know? Every time I tried to get rid of it, it just kept coming back to me." She dug into the snow with the toe of her boot as she added, "Just like you."

Cas took the necklace in his hand and started moving it around, inspecting it closely. "I suppose you're right." He gave the necklace back to her and stood up, extending his hand. "I'll take you back to Bobby's now. I'm sure he and the Winchesters are wondering where you are."

Lydia shook her head, the grin on her growing even bigger. "Probably not." Lydia laughed as she took the angel's hand and let him pull her to her feet. Once she was standing, Cas took both her hands in his and spun her around awkwardly. Lydia giggled at his awkward movements and twirled herself around correctly. Cas, in reaction, started to shuffle around, probably trying to dance, but the movement was so clumsy that Lydia burst into a fit of laughter. She tried leading the dance, but even still, Cas was so terrible at it that she just hugged his waist and put her head on his shoulder, moving slowly in a circle with him. Cas put his arms around her tightly and whispered into her ear, "Are you still angry at me?"

"Well…no," Lydia picked her head up and looked at Cas. "I mean, I wish I was, but you're really hard to stay mad at, so…" she shrugged, then mischievously grinned, bending down. "But you did keep me in the dark for almost two years, so you're going to pay for that." Lydia stood up and chucked a handful of snow at Cas' face, dissolving into hysterical laughter at the look on his face. She then started shrieking and guarding herself as Cas picked up snow and threw it back at her. A spontaneous snowball fight erupted, with Cas losing terribly-for a while, anyway. Once he saw he was losing, Cas ran full-speed at Lydia and tackled her to the snowy ground. Lydia, who was still giggling the whole way through, dissolved into loud, helpless laughter as Cas' fingers found their way into her ribcage and started tickling mercilessly.

"You son…of a bitch!" she gasped out, trying to wiggle away.

Cas kept on tickling her, undeterred. "I told you I'd get you back one day."

"I'm going to kill you!" Lydia started pounding him with her fists, but once his fingers reached her armpits, she couldn't do anything except lay there and laugh.

Cas seemed to be enjoying himself; he was smiling and laughing right along with her. Once Lydia's face had gone beet-red and tears were streaking down her face, however, the angel jumped back and worriedly asked her, "Are you okay?"

Lydia laid there on the ground, struggling to catch her breath. "What? Yeah, I'm fine."

"But then why are you crying?"

"Because I started laughing so hard I was crying!" Lydia exclaimed. As she sat up, she coughed a little bit from all the irregular breathing. "Just consider yourself lucky this time, Cas. When I was younger, my mom used to pin me down and tickle me so much my nose would bleed. I even peed myself once or twice."

Cas nodded, not sure what to say. "That would be…unpleasant."

"You're telling me." Lydia stood up and brushed the snow off her clothes. I think I should leave now. For real this time."

"I think so too," Cas nodded, then stepped forward and kissed her forehead. He held her at arm's length and told her, "Thank you."

"For what?" Lydia cocked her eyebrow. "For throwing snow in your face?"

"Well…yes." Cas shrugged. "For a few minutes, you actually made me forget that I was fighting a war in the first place."

Lydia shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm kind of your girlfriend, Cas. I'm supposed to make you feel better when you're upset. It's part of the job description."

"I suppose." Cas squeezed her shoulders once more. Then he asked her, "Are you going to tell the Winchesters about…?"

"Crowley?" Cas nodded. "No, I'm not. It's not my secret to tell. And anyway, there's no real reason they have to find out, y'know?" Lydia sighed and kissed Cas one last time. "Okay, I'm ready."

Cas pressed his fingers to her forehead once again, and just like that, she was gone, leaving him to stand alone in the snow.

**XXX**

When Lydia opened her eyes, she was back in Bobby's kitchen. She listened closely for a moment, hearing voices coming from the living room. She walked into the room to find Dean, Sam, and Bobby talking in hushed whispers.

"Hey," Sam nodded at her. "Um...how was Cas tonight? Is he doing okay?"

Lydia nodded carefully. "Yeah, he's fine...Why?"

"It's because these two over here," Dean pointed at Bobby and Sam, frowning. "Think that Cas _meant_ to let Crowley get away."

Lydia was positive that she felt her heart stop for a few seconds. She took a deep breath and prayed to God that they wouldn't know she was lying.

"Guys, it's Cas we're talking about!" Lydia exclaimed, watching the three of them closely. "He probably just made a mistake. Nobody's perfect. And anyway, we've found Crowley before, and we can do it again!"

Bobby stared at her suspiciously, and for a wild moment, Lydia was sure that he would call her bluff any second. But he didn't; he only nodded and gruffly said, "I guess you're right. It ain't nothing we can't handle."

"Yeah," Lydia nodded weakly, her heart still pounding. "Well, I'm going to bed now, so I'll see you guys later."

"See ya, kid." Lydia started walking up the stairs, letting out a sigh of relief. Maybe she couldn't keep the truth from them forever, but she could damn well delay it.


	20. Somebody Told Me

** (A/N)-Okay, chapter 20! This story is slowly coming to an end, but believe me when I say that these next few chapters are what we've been building up to, because there is going to be _plenty_ of action in here. Reviews are always appreciated and encouraging, so thank you so much for telling me your thoughts. (I meant to tell you guys, I've had a Tumblr for a few months but I've always forgotten to mention it. It's .com-and I'll follow you back! It's a mostly Supernatural/Doctor Who blog, so if you like either of those things, come follow me!) Okay, back to the story, this is the second half of "The Man Who Would Be King", which I don't own, nor do I own anything Supernatural related. That's the CW, not me. **

Since that night when Cas told her about his lost year, things had slowly been getting better with Lydia. Dean and Sam had been staying at Bobby's house since then, trying to gather every bit of information about Crowley they could find. They hadn't come up with much yet-which Lydia was grateful for-but she could tell that they were getting close to discovering the truth. They had been capturing and torturing various demons to get information, but so far, the demons weren't talking. Lydia had even gone so far as to "accidentally" screw up some hunts and let the demons get away. Dean had been furious and snappy with her as a result, but Lydia could deal with it. As long as they didn't find out about Castiel and Crowley, she was happy.

This particular night, she couldn't stop Bobby from interrogating a demon named Red in the living room. The demon was suffering intense pain from Bobby's questioning, but there wasn't much Lydia could do about it. After an hour or two of Red's torture, Dean walked into the living room and nodded at the three of them. Bobby, Sam and Lydia all followed the hunter into the kitchen, where he quietly told them, "Cas popped in on me about two hours back."

"What'd you tell him?" Sam asked as Lydia felt the room start spinning.

"Nothing!" Dean exclaimed. "Told him we were on some crap monster hunt. He doesn't know that we're getting close to Crowley.." He looked at Sam and Bobby with a critical eye before reminding them, "You know, he's our friend...and we're lying to him through our teeth." Bobby tried talking to him, but Dean just snapped, "So maybe he burned the wrong bones! So Crowley tricked him! He can make a mistake guys!"

Lydia felt a surge of affection so strong, she could've kissed Dean then and there. She bit her lip and restrained herself, however, as Bobby sighed. "Nobody's suspecting' nothing yet, Dean. Just don't jump to conclusions just yet, boy. All I'm saying is I don't know. Now look, I hate myself for even thinking it, but I just don't know." Bobby shook his head, obviously conflicted. "I mean, we might be dealing with a Superman gone dark side here. Which means we've got to be cautious, we got to be smart, and maybe stock up on some Kryptonite."

The three men started to walk into the living room, but stopped at Lydia hissed, "You disgust me." They all looked at her, their eyes wide, but that didn't stop Lydia's fury. "Are you freaking _kidding_ me right now!" Lydia yelled. "That angel fell for you! He has sacrificed everything_ for you_! He is fighting a fucking war up there-and believe me, he's losing-and you guys haven't done a damn thing to help him! You just sit there and assume he's working with Crowley when you have nothing to support that whatsoever! Lydia's eyes were black with rage, and her breathing was heavy and erratic. "You three are the most selfish, irresponsible, people I've ever met, and the most pitiful excuse I've ever seen for friends in my entire life!" Once she was finished, Lydia stomped out of the room and flew upstairs into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She was so angry and frustrated that she literally started shaking, and before she knew it, there were angry, bitter tears forming in her eyes. She splashed water on her face and gripped the edge of the sink, trying to cool down a bit, but it really didn't help.

From behind her, Lydia heard Cas' voice. "Thank you."

Lydia put her head up and gave the angel a disapproving tone look through the mirror. "Were you spying us?" Castiel nodded, and she sighed. "You really shouldn't be."

"I know." Cas stepped forward and kissed her shoulder, then moved his kisses up her shoulder and stopping only when he reached her neck. In his low, deep voice, he growled, "But still, thanks. I'll see you soon." Lydia slid her hand back over he shoulder to touch him, but he was already gone.

She sighed, hating this tug-of-war she was being forced to play. "Yeah, Cas," Lydia bitterly said to the image of herself in the mirror. "You're welcome."

**XXX**

A little while later, Lydia found herself, gun in hand and Sam right next to her, breaking into a demon's house. She hadn't talked to him or the other hunters since she flipped out on them in the kitchen. She knew she should probably feel bad, and she did a little bit, but she definitely didn't regret saying what she did. The fact that they could doubt Cas' loyalties after all the angel had done for them angered her beyond belief. Yes, he was working with Crowley, but his intentions were nothing but pure, and that's what really mattered. At least to her.

They inspected the entire back of the house, then met Dean and Bobby in the middle. "It's clear from the back." Sam told them.

Dean shrugged. "Maybe they're running. Y'know, got tipped and bugged out?"

"Yeah, that would be a nice thought, wouldn't it?" Bobby said bitterly.

The four of them all split up and searched the house for any trace of the demon, but surprisingly, they found nothing. No demon, no bodies-not even sulfur. When the hunters met up in the middle of the house, Lydia shrugged. "It's like Mr. Clean clean in here. Like the demon had OCD or something."

"Well," Dean looked up at the sky. "This is usually the point where we'd call Cas for help." Sam and Bobby immediately started giving Dean grief, and Lydia was on the verge of another freak-out, but before she got the chance to say anything, Dean said it for her. "Guys, this is Cas. I mean, when there was no one...and we were stuck-and I mean really stuck-he broke ranks. He has gone to the mat cut and bleeding for us so many freakin' times. This is Cas! Guys, don't we owe him the benefit of the doubt at the very least?"

Sam and Bobby still didn't look convinced, but Sam finally looked upwards and coughed awkwardly. "Castiel...this is really important, okay? We, um, really need to talk to you." When Cas still didn't come, he tried again. "Castiel, please. Just come on."

Bobby scratched the back of his head, sighing. "Guess he's busy. We're back to square one." He tried cheering up the disgruntled pack of hunters. "Well, we caught one hunter demon before. We can do it again."

Lydia nodded, then stopped and yelled, "Look out!" The words were barely out of her mouth before they were attacked by demons. She saw Sam being flipped over a table cruelly, Bobby slammed into a glass door, and Dean viciously being punched in the face. The demon had his arm around her neck from behind her, pressing the arm into her neck, chocking her. The demon lifted her off the ground so her feet were dangling off the ground, and she was coughing and sputtering for air. She tried flailing and kicking and prying the demon's arm away from her precious throat, but her efforts were all in vain. The room started spinning and Lydia felt her grip on consciousness slipping...

And then it was over. Lydia sunk to the floor, coughing and breathing heavily, trying to get some air back into her lungs. She was still seeing spots, but she could vaguely see Cas saving the pack of hunters, once again, by smiting the demons attacking them. Lydia blinked a few times, then stood up shakily and grabbed onto the wall to steady herself. Cas was looking at her in particular, making sure she was alright. Trying to assure him that she was, Lydia nodded at him. "It's good to see you, Cas."

"I'm glad I found you," Cas nodded back, looking at all of them closely. "I have news. I'm almost positive that Crowley is, in fact, alive."

"No shit, Sherlock," Dean grinned at the angel happily. It took Lydia a second, but she saw that Dean wasn't being nasty to angel like he usually was: he was only teasing him. The hunter then looked over at Bobby and asked, "Well, Bobby, what do we think about Cas saving our asses...again?"

"Well," Bobby looked Cas straight in the eye and said, "I think we owe you an apology. We've been hunting Crowley this whole time...and keeping it from you. We, uh...thought you were working with him. So we're sorry."

"Yeah, Cas. We never should've doubted you." Sam genuinely apologized to the angel. "Next time we'll just ask you, alright? We just hope you'll forgive us."

Lydia and Cas shared a knowingly look, but they both covered it with smiles. "It is alright. It's forgotten." Cas told the other hunters. He smiled even wider, shaking his head. "It's a little absurd, though. Superman going to the darkside. I'm still just Castiel."

Lydia felt all the color drain from her face as she the other hunters' faces all fell; there was no way Cas could've possibly known Bobby called him a "Superman gone darkside" unless he was spying on them. She inwardly cursed Cas for being so stupid, but on the outside, she kept a total poker face, as did Sam and Bobby. Dean, however, couldn't stop the pain and disappointment from seeping into his expression; he nodded painful as he tried to sound completely normal. "Then I guess we can put away the Kryptonite, huh?"

"Cas, can I talk to you in private for a second?" Lydia asked dangerously. Castiel nodded with a confused look on his face. Lydia took hold of his wrist and dragged him to one of the back rooms. Once they were alone, Lydia shook her head, pacing back and forth and messing around with her hair. "Jesus Christ, Cas! Why the hell would you say something like that? We're completely fucked! What the hell are we going to do?"

Cas had his head tilted to the side, still confused. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Lydia, in aggravation and frustration, grabbed his head and shook it. "You told Dean you weren't a Superman gone darkside!"

"...Yes?"

Lydia brought his head closer to her and hissed, "You weren't supposed to hear that! You overheard that when you were spying on us earlier!"

Cas' face immediately fell. "Oh my God."

"Shit, Cas!" Lydia let go of his face and started to pace again. "Dean and Bobby and Sam are going to freak out."

"Do they know that you know?" Cas snapped.

"No!" Lydia whisper-yelled. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Cas gripped her shoulders tightly-so tightly, in fact, that Lydia was positive she felt some bruising. "I am perfectly capable of dealing with the Winchesters by myself. If they start questioning you, deny everything. Pretend you don't know anything. I can deal with them, but I fear what they would do to you."

"They wouldn't do anything to me," Lydia shook her head. "Yeah, they'd be pissed, but they're not monsters, Cas. They'd just yell at me a bit."

Cas didn't seem reassured. "You don't know Dean. You've never seen him when he's really angry. It's not pleasant."

Lydia peaked out the doorway to see Dean, Sam and Bobby all huddled in a circle, talking quietly amongst themselves. "I better get out there soon. If I stay here too much long, they're only gonna get more suspicious."

Castiel nodded. "Yes, you probably should." He bent down and kissed her quickly before disappearing into the air. Lydia took a deep breath, trying to collect herself, before walking back to join the other hunters. Before she could register what was going on, she felt herself being attacked from behind again. It wasn't by a pack of demons, though-the person grabbing her was Dean. He clapped his hand over her mouth, secured his other arm around her tightly, and Lydia was even more shocked to see that Sam and Bobby weren't even trying to stop him; they were only watching the whole thing unfold with sad looks on their faces. Lydia was so surprised, she didn't even try to fight back. Dean dragged her over to the corner of the room, put her in a random chair, and held her down as Sam tied her arms and legs to the chair.

Once the full realization of what was happening sunk in, Lydia shook her head in utter disbelief and disgust. "You're insane. I knew you were crazy, Dean, but this is beyond crazy. You've finally snapped and gone off the deep end."

"_I'm_ the one who's lost it?" Dean snapped back. "Cas is working with a demon! Crowley!"

"You don't have any proof of that." Lydia snarled defiantly in Dean's face.

Dean shook his head, his face dark. "Oh yeah? What about that Superman gone darkside comment? Cas must've been spying on us."

"Okay, maybe he was!" Lydia threw her head back, exasperated. "That doesn't automatically mean he's working with Crowley!" Lydia was quiet for a moment before asking, "Why do you find it so hard to trust him or me? Hell, I can even understand not trusting me! But after all this time, you _still _can't believe Cas?"

"I _did_ believe him, alright?" Dean started yelling at her. "I put every ounce of faith I had in that angel! But he threw it back in my face!"

Lydia shook her head. "It's not like that. If you just sat him down and talked to him, maybe you'd realize that..."

"So it's true?" Sam pipped up from the corner. "You know what's going on, don't you?"

Lydia opened and closed her mouth, trying to explain, but she was getting very tongue-tied very quickly. Dean's voice was calm and dangerous as he said, "No more messing around, Lydia. Did Cas fake Crowley's death?"

"Yeah, he did!" Lydia exclaimed. "But you don't understand why, Dean! I'm telling you, there's a good reason why..."

"Frankly," Dean interrupted her. "I'm less interested in why he did it, and more interested in how long this whole thing has been going on."

Lydia never answered; instead, she looked behind Dean and started yelling. "Bobby, what the hell are you doing?" Her eyes widened and she started struggling to get out of the chair. "You're trying to trap him! You bastards!"

"We don't have a choice!" Dean angrily shouted.

"Yes you do!" Lydia screamed. "You have thousands of choices, millions of choices! But this is the wrong one, I'm telling you!"

"Dean!" All four sets of eyes looked behind them to find Cas standing on the other side of the room, his face angrier than Lydia had ever seen it before. "What the hell are you doing!"

The angel started walking towards Dean quickly, fuming, but Lydia could see that he was walking right into a trap. "Castiel, don't!"

But it was too late; a blaze of fire immediately started all around Cas, trapping him. Lydia had never seen an angel trapped inside a flaming ring of Holy Oil, but Cas had talked about it once, and the way he described it, it sounded horrible. The angels were all-powerful beings, but once they were trapped inside that little tiny circle, it was like being confined inside a too-small cage. Lydia knew it probably felt suffocating for Cas to be in that circle, and just the thought of it made her hate Dean Winchester all the more.

"What are you doing?" Cas roared. "Let me go!" He pointed at Lydia strapped to the chair, his face blistering angry. "Untie her right now!"

"No," Bobby shook his head. "We gotta talk. About Superman. And Kryptonite." Bobby asked the angel, "How did you know what I said? How long have you been spying on us, Cas? No offense here, but it seems pretty damn likely that you are."

"Bobby, give him a fucking chance to answer, would you?" Lydia yelled from the chair.

Sam glanced hesitantly at Lydia, then looked back at Cas, his face hard. "What about this craphole? How is it so, uh...'next to godliness' clean in here? And how exactly did Crowley trick you into burning the wrong bones?"

"You gotta look at me, man," Dean quietly said before Cas could answer any questions. "You got to level with me and tell me what's going on. Look me in the eye and tell me you're not working with Crowley." Everybody in the room held their breath as the angel looked at Dean pleadingly, then looked away. "You son of a bitch," Dean's voice was filled with bitter pain. "You're in it with him? You and Crowley have been going after Purgatory together? You have, huh? This whole time."

"You don't understand!" Cas was pleading helplessly with them. "I did it to protect you! I did it to protect all of you! If I can get the souls from Purgatory, I can stop Raphael." He licked his lips nervously, desperately trying to make them understand. "Please, you have to trust me. I'm still me. I'm still your friend. Sam..." Lydia shut her eyes, knowing full well what was coming. "I'm the one that raised you from Perdition."

"What?" Bobby and the brothers-Sam in particular-were stunned at this revelation. "Well, no offense, Cas..." Sam coldly told the angel, "But you did a pretty piss-poor job of it." The look in Cas' eyes became even more painful-if that were possible-as Sam started questioning him again. "Wait. Did you bring me back soulless...on purpose?"

Instead of Cas defending himself, it was Lydia that spoke up. "Sam!" The hunter looked at her, and Lydia could see that he was trying to keep up a cold facade. "Think whatever you want about him, but I promise you that Cas would never."

"What I don't get," Bobby folded his arms across his chest and stared intimidatingly at the angel. "is why you kept this whole thing a secret...unless you knew it was wrong?"

"Cas," Dean sighed. "When crap like this comes around, we deal with it. That's always what we've done. What we _don't_ do is go out and make another deal with the Devil!" Dean shook his head, struggling to find the right words to say. "You should've come to us, Cas. We would've helped you."

Cas looked at the ground, that crushing look still lingering in his eyes. "Maybe. But it's too late now. I can't turn back now. I can't." Suddenly, there was a loud sound coming from above them and they all felt a powerful wind blowing. They could all see a cloud of demon-smoke quickly approaching them. Trying not to panic, Cas snapped, "Untie Lydia and go!" When the hunters hesitated. Cas' voice became more urgent. "She isn't involved in this! If you don't want her to die, take her and run!" Finally, it was Sam who raced over to the chair and started cutting the ropes binding Lydia to the chair. After a few seconds, she was free, and Castiel started shouting at them to go again. Lydia was unwilling to leave him, but before she could do anything about it, Sam's hand was on her shoulder and was pushing her out the door.

**XXX**

On the way back to Bobby's, nobody said anything. Lydia made sure that she was curled up in the farthest corner of the Impala, far away from the other hunters as possible. Once they got back to Bobby's house, Lydia shot out of the car like a rocket and went up to her room, slamming the door behind her. She went into her closet and started pulling out bags and suitcases and putting them on her bed. She began the agonizing process of packing all her clothes and personal things away, all while trying to keep it together. She didn't particularly want to leave-she had come to see Bobby, Dean and Sam as friends-but after everything that had just happened, she doubted she could stay here. She tried to pack as quickly and as quietly as possible, but she wasn't even halfway done when she heard the door creak open.

"You don't have to jump ship, y'know," Bobby's voice came from behind her.

Lydia shook her head as she folded another shirt. "No offense, Bobby, but I really don't think I have much of a choice here."

"Sure ya do," Bobby walked forward and stood next to her as she put her stuff away. "You've got a million of 'em. Yeah, this whole thing sucks out loud. But you don't have to ditch us completely because of it. We'll just...we'll figure something out."

"Yeah, that's the thing, Bobby!" Lydia tossed a random pair of pants onto the bed in her frustration. "You don't get it. If I stay here, I'm going to have to deal with you guys plotting against Cas, trying to stop him." Lydia put her face closer to Bobby's and said, "I don't want to stop Cas. I know what he's trying to do, and he's doing it for a damn good reason. Maybe you guys don't want to help him, but I do. So yeah, maybe I do have other choices, but there's no way in hell I'm choosing you guys over him." Lydia shook her head, trying to control the shaking in her voice. "I'm sorry. But this is how it's gotta be."

Bobby nodded, looking down at the ground. "Well, Lyd...if things are different after this...it's been a nice ride." He clapped her on the shoulder before walking out of the room, leaving Lydia feeling strangely lonely. After a few minutes of sitting on her bed, lost in thought, Lydia stood up and started packing again. She hadn't gotten far, however, when she heard a knock at the door. Assuming it to be Bobby again, she just asked him what he needed. She was surprised, however, when she turned and saw that it was Sam standing in the doorway.

Lydia slowly put down the shirt she was holding and folded her arms across her chest, turning so she was facing Sam completely. "What are doing here?"

Sam gave her a half-shrug, his eyes never directly making contact with hers. "Bobby told me you were leaving. I figured you might need help packing."

Lydia thought about it for a moment before shaking her head decidedly. "No, it's fine. I'm almost done anyway."

"Oh," Sam nodded. "I'll just go back downstairs, then." Sam pushed himself off the doorway and started walking downstairs.

Lydia watched the empty doorway for a second before going over and opening it. "Sam?"

Sam was standing in the middle of the staircase, looking up at her. "Yeah?"

Lydia didn't answer at first; she wasn't sure exactly what she wanted to say. Finally, she took a deep breath and said, "Thank you. I know there's been a lot of shit that's happened recently, like tonight, but you're still a really good friend. So...thanks."

Sam nodded, finally making direct eye contact with her. "You're welcome." They both nodded awkwardly before Sam turned around and walked back downstairs.

**XXX**

By the time Lydia finished packing all her things, it was a little bit after midnight. Lydia had tried praying to Cas several times throughout the night, but she never got an answer. She was lying on her bed and staring up at the ceiling for what was probably going to be the last time, playing with the necklace she was holding, before she heard voices from coming downstairs. She slowly tiptoed downstairs to find Cas in the living room, talking to none other than Dean Winchester himself. Lydia was about to barge right in on their conversation, ready to defend Castiel, but then she realized it was just that- a conversation. It wasn't a one-sided interrogation or Dean yelling at Cas or the angel hiding something like it usually was; it was an honest-to-God conversation. A heartbreaking one at that, but Lydia stayed hidden and listened to them talk.

"How'd you get in here?" Dean asked him.

"The angel-proofing Bobby has on the house..." Lydia heard what sounded like a little bit of humor slip into the angel's voice. "He got a few things wrong." Cas sighed. "I wanted to talk to you, Dean. I want you to understand..."

"Believe me, I get it," Dean stopped him in his tracks. "Blah, blah, Raphael, right? You know what, Cas? You are a freakin' child. Just because you can do what you want doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want!"

This conversation was very quickly going downhill, and everybody knew it. Lydia had to try her hardest not to give herself away as Cas determinedly told Dean, "I know what I'm doing."

"Cas, listen to me," Dean's voice was quick and harsh. "Next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest thing I have to family-you are like a brother to me. Hell, even Lydia's like my sister-in-law or something!" Lydia had to really restrain herself this time; she and Dean fought, true, but she still thought of him as her friend. Hearing him say that he thought of her in that way was definitely a surprise, but a good one. Reminding herself that the conversation was still going on, she tuned back into what Dean was saying. "So if I'm asking you not to do something...you got to trust me, man. And if you don't...I don't even know, Cas. I'll just have to do what I have to do to stop you."

"You can't, Dean," Cas replied. "I'm an angel. You're just a man."

"I've taken some pretty big fish."

"Cas?" Lydia finally walked down the rest of the steps and stopped the conversation from going any further. She gave Dean an apologetic look as she said, "I have my stuff packed upstairs. I'm ready to leave when you are."

Dean seemed more surprised than Cas did. "Wait...you're leaving?"

"Yeah," Lydia was thrown off-guard. "Didn't Bobby or Sam tell you that?"

"No," Dean shook his head. "You're just...leaving? Just like that?"

Lydia wrapped her arms around herself tighter as she answered, "Well, when you tie a person to a chair and question them like that, it usually isn't a good thing."

"Lydia," Dean, instead of growing agitated, grew apologetic. "Look, I'm sorry. But..."

"You know what?" Lydia put up her hand. "Just save it, okay? You're my friend, Dean, but you're an asshole. And if you're just going to chase down Cas and punish him like he's some puppy that disobeyed you...I'm going with Cas. I'm sorry, but I am."

Dean nodded, looking a mix between angry and upset. "So you're going to choose him over us, right? You two are just gonna run off and work with Crowley?"

Lydia shook her head, but only muttered, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," Dean started rubbing his eyelids. It was right then and there that Lydia realized that from now on, things were going to be much, much different. The battle lines were drawn. She took Cas' hand, let him upstairs, and in just a few seconds, they were both gone.


	21. Doomsday

**(A/N)-Sorry this is so late. I love you guys and your reviews. I own nothing.**

As soon as Lydia and Cas left Bobby's, Cas took them to laboratory. What they were doing there exactly, Lydia didn't know, but she put down her stuff and started walking around, looking at every corner of the room with a suspicious look.

"Where are we, exactly?" she asked him. The echo of her voice sounded both creepy and, for some reason, depressing.

"Crowley's lab," Cas explained as he walked up next to her and took her hand in his. "Not where I would prefer to work, but it's not up to me."

Lydia shook her head, sighing. "Y'know, if you had told me a week ago I'd be working with a demon, I would've never believed you."

Cas nodded. "I know. I felt the same way at first." He let go of Lydia's hand and continued walking around the laboratory. "Crowley should be here. I don't know where he is at the moment..."

"Right over here, darling." Lydia and Cas both turned to find the King of Hell himself. He smiled cunningly at Lydia and said, "Well, it's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"You haven't changed much." Lydia replied.

"Of course not," Crowley winked. "Would you expect anything less?"

Lydia shook her head. "Nope."

"Well," Crowley clapped his hands together and widened his grin. "I must say, I definitely wasn't expecting you to join us, Ms. Carmichael. I was half-expecting you to side with the Winchesters, I'll be honest."

"You thought wrong."

"Apparently I did," smirked Crowley. "Anyway, I need you and Castiel to do a little research for me. Her name is Dr. Eleanor Viysak. She's posing as human, but certain sources have told me that she's actually a Purgatory native."

Lydia was dumbstruck. "Are you saying a monster from Purgatory is acting like human? That doesn't make any sense. Shouldn't she be eating us or something?"

"That's what you'd suspect, yeah," Crowley shrugged. "But she's been here for a number of years. Decades, actually. But she hasn't harmed a damned fly." The demon shrugged again. "Whatever her reasons are, you two need to find her. I've searched all over and questioned every monster I could get my hands are, but no one seems to know where this woman is!"

"We'll find her, Crowley," Cas assured him. "She might be the only one who knows how to open Purgatory. I'll find her."

Lydia nodded, still hesitant. "Yeah, I'll try too."

Crowley scowled. "Just try and hurry up, would you? We're running out of time."

"Time?" Lydia questioned. "We have plenty of time."

Crowley shook his head. "Uh, sorry to break it to you, but we really don't. This thing, according to the rumors, has to be done at a certain time exactly. If we miss this opportunity, this whole scheme could go under."

"How much time are we talking about, exactly?"

"It doesn't matter!" Crowley snapped. "Just find me that monster!" Before either Lydia or Cas could say anything else, the demon disappeared into thin air, leaving them there.

The pair stood and stared at the now-empty air where Crowley once was silently for couple seconds, before Lydia coughed into her fist and asked, "So that's what you've been working with for the past year? That's what you've had to put up with?"

Castiel nodded, sighing. "Unfortunately, yes. Crowley's useful, but he's definitely not the ideal partner." The angel paused for a moment, looking at her out of the corner of his eyes. "You don't have to do this, Lydia."

"I know," Lydia shrugged. "I want to."

"You want this?" asked Cas doubtfully.

"I mean, granted, this isn't the ideal situation," Lydia explained. "But all we have to do is find this doctor, open the door to Purgatory, and win the war! How hard can it be?"

"Harder than you think," Cas explained. "It's a very long and complicated process, and if we don't get it right, any chance of winning the war is gone." Cas looked at her again. "Not to mention, if Raphael knows that you're working with me and we lose, you'll be punished just as severely as I will."

Lydia tried to wave his concerns away. "He doesn't like me anyway. You know, the whole human thing?" Cas still looked stoic as ever. "We'll just have to make sure that we don't lose then. So do you have any idea where this doctor is?"

Cas shut his eyes, mentally searching, but opened them after a few seconds, frowning. "She's hidden from me. I can find her, but it's going to take a while."

"Alright then," Lydia, from her bag of things, pulled out her silver laptop. "You get to do what the humans do-research."

**XXX**

Over the next few days, Lydia slowly fell out of her old routine at Bobby's, and started falling into a new one. She would get up, research with Cas, maybe have a shag once in a while, then fall back asleep in some crappy motel she was staying at. They hadn't really gotten to far in the search for Dr. Visyak-they had interviewed nearly everybody she had come in contact with, searched entire cities, and even found one or two of her safe houses-but they still couldn't locate her. Lydia and Castiel became more aggravated and more desperate with each passing day.

One day, Lydia became so frustrated with going around in circles, she shoved the laptop in Cas' lap and stood up, walking out of the room. "I'm going for a walk. I'll be right back, okay?" She walked down the long corridor of the abandoned building where Cas and Crowley had set up base, looking around cautiously. She still occasionally got lost in this building, as demonstrated when she opened a door to find herself in Crowley's lab, Crowley experimenting on one of Eve's children with a sadistic grin on his face-a grin that only widened when he looked to see Lydia standing in the doorway.

"Ah, Miss Carmichael!" Crowley clapped his hands together and walked over to her, much to Lydia's discomfort. "How are you doing this fine day, love?"

"I'm..." Lydia was nervous, of course, but she didn't feel threatened by the demon; at least not at the moment. "I'm doing alright. How're you?"

"Well, I'm okay," Crowley's voice purred dangerously at his attempt at small talk. "I just have a bit of a...dilemma, and I was wondering if you could help me with it."

Lydia started pointing to the direction in which she came and stammered, "Well, Cas and I are in the middle of something, and I was just..."

"Oh, I'm sure it can wait," Crowley took her by the shoulder and started leading her farther and farther away from the door. "While I very much appreciate that you and Castiel are trying to find Dr. Visyak, there's something...else that you can assist me with."

"And that would be...?"

Crowley only winked at her, and Lydia found herself inside...actually, she didn't know where she was; all she knew was that she definitely wasn't in that laboratory anymore. She looked around and assumed she was in somebody's house-namely, somebody's kitchen. Exactly whose kitchen, however, was yet to be determined.

"As I'm sure you've noticed," Crowley walked right past her and started inspecting the kitchen with mild interest, picking things up and putting them down gently. "We're not in Kansas anymore."

"Where are we, exactly?" Lydia asked.

"Battle Creek, Michigan." Crowley explained. "And we, my dear, are in the home of Lisa and Ben Braeden. You remember them, don't you, Lydia?"

Lydia stopped for a moment, trying to remember the names, then gasped when she finally remembered them. "Dean's Lisa and Ben? What the hell are we doing here?"

"We're not doing anything," Crowley smirked. "You're going to kidnap Ben and Lisa. Not for anything sinister, really. Consider it...insurance, if you will."

"What!" Lydia yelped. "Are you crazy? There's no way in hell I'm…"

"Lydia?" a voice came from behind her. Lydia turned around and saw Lisa, Ben, and another man looking at her and Crowley from the doorway, fearful looks plastered on their faces. "What's going on? What are you doing here?"

Lydia tried to answer Lisa, but no matter how many times she opened her mouth, nothing came out. It was finally Crowley who broke the silence by snapping, "Go on! Do it!"

"No," Lydia shook her head. "I won't do it."

Crowley, in response, grabbed her by the front of her shirt and held her face dangerously close to his. "Here, let's try this, then. You take them, or this deal with Cas and I is over."

Lydia still shook her head furiously. "No! This is going way too far, Crowley! I don't know what you're trying to accomplish here, but this is not the way to do it!"

"Au contraire," Crowley held up his finger. "This is exactly how to go about it. And since you're not going to…" Crowley only had to snap his fingers once, and almost immediately, some of Crowley's demons came barreling through the door, taking Ben and Lisa prisoner, ignoring their protests and screams as the other man was killed right in front of them. Lydia looked on in horror, but her feet felt glued to the floor, and she only watched as the Braedens were led away.

"Where are you taking them?" Lydia was still in shock, and her voice felt distant in her own ears, like she was underwater.

Crowley shook his head, refusing to tell her. "Now why would I give that away? That would be spoiling the best part!"

"Crowley!" Lydia hissed through gritted teeth. "They're totally innocent! Why would you even involve them? And if Dean finds out…"

"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!" Crowley mocked sarcastically. "That's the point! I want Dean to find out and go after them! If he and his moose are too busy chasing after his precious Lisa and Ben, they won't be on our tails, trying to stop us. Get it?"

Lydia stopped and considered this, then nodded slowly. "Well, yeah, but…"

"See, that's your problem, Lyd!" Crowley put his arm around Lydia's shoulders-much to her disgust-and sighed. "You're too nice. And for a hunter, that's not a good thing -especially now that you're working with Castiel and myself. My methods are, if nothing else, a little bit shady, but they work. Cas got over it, and so will you."

"I shouldn't have to," Lydia grumbled. "Dean and Sam and Bobby were my friends. And anyway, I'm not going to kidnap a mother and her son when they did nothing wrong!"

"You should be thankful I'm being so generous, Lydia," warned Crowley. "I won't tear down any deals, but consider this your first and final warning. Comprende?"

Lydia gave him a look of pure contempt before she nodded slowly. "Capiche."

Crowley gave her one of his signature dangerous smiles. "Great. So how about we go back to lab and not mention a word of this to Cassie-boy?"

"Sure, if that's what you want…" Lydia said slyly as she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket, winking at him. "But how about you ask Dean how he feels about that first? I mean, he's on the other line right now hearing all this, and I'm sure he can't be too happy right now."

Crowley looked at the phone in her hand, shocked, and Lydia couldn't suppress her glee at seeing the King of Hell caught off guard for once, even if it was only for a few seconds. Eventually, Crowley recovered enough to snatch the phone and speak into it. "Hello there, Dean. How much of that little spiel did you happen to hear?" Lydia couldn't make out his exact words, but she could hear Dean yelling and threatening Crowley on the other end of the phone. Crowley only nodded, bored, as he rolled his eyes at Dean's threats. "Are you done yet? You sure? Splendid. As much as I love to hear you talk dirty to me, let's get to the bit where I tell you how this goes. Your chocolate's been mixed in my peanut butter far too long, Dean Winchester. It needs to end, and soon, preferably." Cue more threats and swearing from Dean. "Oh, Dean. Ever the wit, aren't you? Well, as it is, I've got your ex lady friend and not-kid, and I'm keeping them until I'm satisfied that you've backed the hell off!" There was another short gap of silence before Crowley continued, "I love it when you get all threatening. But don't worry, I won't hurt them. As long as you and Jolly Green stand down, that is. Understood? Wonderful. Kisses from me and Lydia." Crowley slowly hung up the phone, looked at it curiously for a few seconds, before he chucked it at Lydia's face, the phone landing on her left cheek with a yelp of pain.

Lydia didn't have time to react beyond that, however; the demon grabbed her face with his hand and brought his own dangerously close to hers. "You're really something, you know that, Ms. Carmichael? Most people wouldn't be so stupid as to pull a stunt like that with the King of Hell, but you just keep on going, don't you?"

"Go to hell," Lydia snarled in response.

"Gladly," smirked Crowley, then started yelling, "And I'll take you down with me!" Crowley started breathing heavily, still furious, and hissed, "You'll come to realize that compared to most demons, I'm very patient. Extremely patient, actually…" Crowley clutched her face even tighter and whispered in her ear, "But you will pay for that, Lydia. Maybe not right away-I've got too much to lose with this whole Purgatory business-but rest assured, you will be punished very severely for going against me like that. Are we clear?" Lydia started to answer, but stopped when Crowley yanked her face one last time. "And don't say capiche."

"Got it," Lydia managed to succeed in finally getting out of Crowley's grasp. Shakily, she stood up and dusted herself off, nodding. "Let's just go back, alright?"

Crowley raised an eyebrow, his usual cocky, snarky demeanor slowly returning to him. "Sure, by all means." Lydia saw that she was back in the building and felt relief flood through her; Castiel might not have been in that room, but just knowing he was down the hallway made her feel better.

She quietly turned around and walked out of the lab, then took off running in the angel's direction as soon as she was out of Crowley's sight. When she got back into the room, Cas looked up at her, eyebrows furrowed at the look of fear on her face. "Lydia, are you…"

Lydia already had her arms around him before Cas could finish his sentence; he could feel her heart beating rapidly against his chest, and he put aside his questioning for a few minutes, hugging her tightly instead. After Lydia's breathing had returned to normal, Cas pulled away and studied her, holding her at arm's length. "What happened?"

"It was Crowley, he…"

"What did he do!" Cas thundered so loudly, it scared Lydia a bit. Ever since the incident with Sam, Cas had been extremely suspicious of others, and Crowley was no exception. "Lydia, did he do something to you?"

"Not to me," Lydia shook her head. "To Dean. He…he took Lisa and Ben. He said he wasn't going to hurt them, but I don't know where they are, and I…"

Cas' eyes widened in anger. "He…" Cas' lips suddenly became a thin line, and taking hold of Lydia's hand, he pulled her back into Crowley's lab. "Crowley!" The demon, who had gone back to doing experiments on Eve's monsters, tried to look as innocent as possible-for a demon, anyway-as Cas demanded, "Did you take Ben and Lisa?"

Crowley looked at over at Lydia, unamused. "Telling your boyfriend on me now? Can't say I'm too impressed." Crowley glanced back at Cas and sighed. "You're the one who told me not to touch Dean and Sam, Castiel. So I didn't. I'm merely using the most obvious loophole. As long as I have the woman and boy, your little pets be scouring the Earth for them, therefore not you, not your girlfriend, and not me. And since I'm not going to kill them, everybody wins."

"And you think that's good enough?" Lydia snorted, feeling braver. "That's only going to make Dean madder, and he's plenty angry as it is. You have to return them right now. Right Cas?"

Castiel, however, only shifted uncomfortably. "You should've talked to me first, Crowley," Cas finally admitted. Crowley winked at Lydia with a smug look on his face as she sputtered indignantly at the angel. Cas tried to ignore her anger as he sternly told Crowley, "Where are they?" Crowley, instead of answering, made a zipping motion with his lips, which only further infuriated Cas and Lydia. "Just don't harm them, Crowley. Do you understand me?"

"You want to know something, Cas?" Crowley put down his medical tools and squared off against the angel, preparing for a battle. "I'm pretty sure that you're all maxed out on putting humans out of bounds. I will do with them as I please. You want to stop me? Go find Purgatory!" Cas and Crowley stared at each other, both infuriated beyond belief, before Cas finally broke eye contact when he pressed his hand to his temple with a wince of pain. "You've got a call on the bat-phone? They never call during business hours, do they?"

"I'll be right back..." Cas was getting ready to transport to wherever he needed to, but then remembered Lydia and gripped her hand tightly, taking her with him. Before she could say anything or react, Lydia opened her eyes to a grassy, bright green forest, Balthazar standing in front of her and Cas, grinning at them.

"Ah, Cas! Lydia! So good of you two to come!" Balthazar exclaimed. Lydia couldn't help but genuinely smile back; she liked Cas' older brother, in spite of his arrogant, immature ways. Balthazar, in turn, gave her the tiniest wink before he coughed into his fist and asked Castiel, "Do you mind if I ask you a direct question, Cas?" The trench-coated angel shook his head, and Balthazar took a deep breath. "Are you working with the King of Hades?"

"Of course I'm not," Cas protested, but all it took was one look from Balthazar to make Cas let out a sigh, visibly defeated. "Balthazar, it's merely a means to an end, you must understand that."

"It's just to win the war," Lydia added. "Cas is going open Purgatory, soak up all the souls, defeat Raphael, then put the souls back and close Purgatory again. Problem solved."

"No, problem not solved," Balthazar shook his head. "You're going to be the vessel, Cas? Suck up all those souls and all that power into yourself? What happens if something goes wrong? If you explode, you're taking a substantial chunk of the planet with you."

"That won't happen, I promise," Cas swore. "It's not the ideal situation, but it's the only way to win the war. I know what I'm doing, brother." Balthazar turned to the side and grimaced, unconvinced at the other angel's words. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, Balthazar, but I need to know…are you with me or not?"

Balthazar didn't answer right away, but eventually he let out a chuckle. "Sure. You know, you two may be certifiable, but fine. I'm in." Then, after a few seconds, he added, "Your howler monkeys told me all about this, by the way. They're just a touch worked up about that kidnapping business."

"That was Crowley," Lydia told him. "Cas and I had nothing to do with that."

Balthazar shrugged his shoulders, no longer interested, and suddenly, he was gone. In his place stood Dean Winchester, pacing around a demon tied to a chair in what looked like a barn. Lydia looked over, surprised, at Cas, but the angel only motioned for her to be silent. She nodded, still confused, and went back to watching Dean again. After a few seconds of Dean not acknowledging their presence, it occurred to Lydia that she and Cas were invisible. She should've figured it out sooner, but she could still see herself and Cas perfectly, and she didn't feel any different. Instead of thinking too much into it, she joined Cas as they stood silently and watched Dean some more.

It was awful. Dean was interrogating a demon on Lisa and Ben's whereabouts, and he was becoming more frustrated-and violent-with each increasing question. It got so bad, Lydia had to cover her ears to drown out the demon's scream. She thought Dean was finally going to snap and kill the demon, but suddenly, Dean was thrown against a van, the demon grinning sadistically from inside the circle he was confined to. Lydia took a step forward, trying to go and help Dean, but Cas' hand on her shoulder held her back. She looked back wildly at him, pointing at Dean excitedly, and Cas only held his hand up, signaling her to wait. Although she wasn't happy about it, Lydia stayed back and waited, biting down on her tongue as the demon walked over to Dean, still grinning that awful grin. But once he grabbed Dean by the throat and started strangling him, Lydia couldn't take it anymore; she grabbed the nearest object she could find, a brass fire iron, and stabbed it into the demon's middle as hard as she could, with all the force in her body.

As Dean stared at her, a wild look in his eyes, Lydia vaguely realized that he could see her; she wasn't invisible anymore. Not that it really mattered at this point-the demon looked back at Lydia, the sickening smile across his face only widening. Lydia let go of the fire iron and slowly backed up as the demon looked down and pulled the metal object out of his body, tossing it to the side carelessly, more annoyed than injured. Before anybody else could react, however, Cas touched the back of the demon's head, smiting him with his angelic powers. Seconds later, the demon fell dead at his feet as Dean and Lydia stared at it, eyes wide and breathing heavy.

"I didn't ask for your help," Dean growled as he stood back up, catching his breath. Giving Lydia and Cas nasty glares, he continued, "Why are you even here?"

"Saving you," Cas answered simply. "Neither Lydia nor I had any idea Crowley was going to take Ben and Lisa."

When Dean didn't answer, Lydia sighed and tried to talk to him as well. "He's telling the truth, Dean. I didn't know he was going to take the two of them, and neither did Cas. Hell, he tried to make me take them, but I didn't, and then risked my life again by calling you in front of Crowley! I wouldn't do that for no reason!" Dean still didn't answer; he wouldn't even look at them. Lydia took a few steps forward and tried again. We're your friends, Dean. You said yourself that we were like your family just a few days ago! Maybe you don't see it right now, but it's true. We just saved your life again! The least you can do is trust us!"

Dean just shook his head, still looking upset. "No, I can't. You want me to trust this plan to pop Purgatory? I'm sorry, but I just can't."

"Dean, I do everything that you ask of me," Cas insisted. "I have always come when you call, and I am your friend. And still, despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats, I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin done more for you, Dean? All I ask is this one thing." Dean kept on looking at the ground with his eyes shut, trying to block out his words. Cas sighed as he told him, "I came to tell you that I will find Ben and Lisa, and I will bring them back. Just please stand behind me, the one time I ask."

"Please, Dean," Lydia was surprised to find herself actually begging, not surprised enough to stop. "Maybe you don't trust me, and that's fine. But at least trust Cas. He's done so much for you, and I think he's earned that much."

Dean didn't even look at her; he started walking towards Cas, an angry expression lighting up his face. "You're going to tell me to stand down? That's the same damn ransom note Crowley gave me, you do know that, don't you? Well no thank you. I'll find them myself. In fact," Dean's voice became increasingly venomous. "Why don't you go back to Crowley and tell him that I said all three of you can kiss my ass." Dean turned on his heel and stormed away from them coldly. Lydia didn't even try to go after him or say anything else; she stayed behind and waited next to Cas. Finally, she let him lay his hand on her shoulder, and she shut her eyes, knowing what was going to happen next.

XXX

Once they got back to their base, Lydia and Cas went back to work, trying to find Dr. Visyak, but things were definitely different between them. Dean's words had unnerved them, so they buried themselves in their work, neither of them willing to voice their thoughts out loud. It wasn't until about 24 hours later, when Crowley barged in on them, screaming, that they even mentioned Dean at all.

"I'm going to tear their hearts out!" Crowley stormed into the room that Cas and Lydia were working in, his face flushed red with fury.

"Who upset you this time, Crowley?" asked Cas.

"Lost another deal?" Lydia offered.

"No!" Crowley thundered. "Your little pets screwed up everything! They found the woman and the kid, and they killed some of my boys! Once that Lisa kicks the bucket..."

Lydia and Cas both stopped what they were going and stared up at the demon, jaws slack. "You mean Lisa like Dean's Lisa?"

Crowley didn't answer; he was pacing back and forth, ranting and raving about the Winchester brothers. It wasn't until Castiel yelled, "Crowley! What were you saying about Lisa?" that the demon acknowledged them again.

"I said she's going to die soon!" Crowley finally answered them. "You get possessed and stab yourself in the gut, you think you're gonna make it out alive?" Neither of the other two answered, so Crowley just growled, "Don't let it happen again!" and walked back out of the room.

"Oh shit," Lydia put her head in her hands with a low moan. "We gotta help them, Cas. We have to do something."

"What would you like me to do?" Cas asked, bitterly. "Dean already made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with us. We should stay out of it. It will only make things worse."

Lydia shook her head. "No, it won't, I can promise you. I don't care if Dean never speaks to me again at this point. But if Lisa dies..." Lydia shut her eyes, inhaling sharply. "I know what it's like to lose your mom to something supernatural, alright? It sucks. A lot. It twists you and warps you and messes you up. I mean, before I met you, I was a stripper and drugs, and now I'm a hunter who could be killed at any second. If Ben loses his mom, he's going to end up exactly like me. Don't even do it for Dean, but at least do it for Ben!"

Cas stopped and looked at her, his eyes deep in thought. "I didn't think..."

"It doesn't matter," Lydia shook her head. "Just save her, okay?" She looked up at the angel pleadingly. "Please, Cas."

Castiel nodded, then stood up, fixed his clothes, and disappeared right in front of her. Lydia sighed, pressed her eyelids and reminded herself to breathe, then went back to more research-all of which lasted about five minutes. She was on her twelfth straight game of Solitaire by the time Cas popped back in.

"How'd it go?" Lydia asked, not looking up from the screen. Instead of a verbal response, all she heard was heavy breathing that sounded so _not_ like Cas. She slowly turned her eyes upwards, then slammed her laptop shut and stood up at the sight before her; Cas was gripping the arm of a blonde woman that Lydia recognized from pictures as Dr. Eleanor Visyak. The look on her face was nothing short of terror, while Cas had a smug, almost inhumane look on his face.

"I found her."


	22. The Death of You and Me

**(A/N)-Chapter 22 is finally here! Much love to all of you who have reviewed and been patient with me and my crazy schedule. There's a hell of a lot that happens in this chapter, so it's probably going to be long, but here goes nothing, right? My name isn't Sera Gamble, so I don't own the show.**

Lydia shakily stood on her feet, sharing a lingering work with Dr. Visyak, then focusing her eyes back on Castiel. "So you found her?"

"Yes," the angel seemed extremely proud of himself.

Lydia nodded slowly, the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach growing with each passing moment. "That's good, Cas. That's really good. She's going to help us now, right?"

Cas shook his head in response. "Unfortunately, the monster doesn't seem too interested in helping us. I was going to see if maybe Crowley would help persuade her. It seems that…"

"Can I talk to her?" Lydia interrupted him. "Alone?"

"Why?" Cas' eyebrows furrowed.

"I just do, that's all," Lydia shrugged.

Cas stared at her for a few seconds more, but finally let go of Dr. Visyak. Lydia took her by the shoulder and led her over to the farthest corner of the room, where she hoped Cas wouldn't hear her.

"Are you okay?" Lydia whispered as she grabbed the woman's upper arms.

The doctor looked up at her, her breathing deep and her eyes trying to mark her fear. "No I'm not okay! What's even going on right now?"

"I wish I knew," Lydia let go of her arms and started pacing back and forth, running a hand through her hair. "All I know is that we need the door opened to Purgatory, and you're the only one who knows how to do it."

"Oh no," Dr. Visyak's eyes widened and she took a few steps backwards. "You can't open that door. A few idiots did it a few decades back, and I'm what fell through. And you're lucky it was me, because the other Purgatory monsters would've destroyed this planet already. If that door opens, you're risking all of humanity here."

"I know that," Lydia sighed. "Really, I do. But if we don't, we're risking all of humanity too. At least if we do this, we'll have a chance to save the world. If we leave the door closed, we don't even have a fighting chance."

Dr. Visyak continued to shake her head, her eyes clenched shut. "No, no! You all never seem to get it! You can't just go around messing with Purgatory!"

Lydia impulsively reached out for Dr. Visyak once again, gripping onto her arm tightly. "Listen to me for a second, okay? Cas, out there, and his partner Crowley…you don't want to mess with them. No matter how strong you think you are, they're worse. Crowley's the King of Hell, and Cas is an angel who's getting desperate. If you don't tell them how to open Purgatory, Crowley will torture you, and Cas isn't going to stop it. So please, just tell me how to open Purgatory."

Dr. Visyak looked quite alarmed and didn't say anything for a few seconds. Finally, she managed to regain her composure enough to whisper, "No. I'm sorry, but I can't help you."

"Please!" Lydia barked. "This is your last chance, I'm telling you! I'm a human working with the kings of Heaven and Hell. If they start on you, I can't stop it."

"I know." Dr. Visyak nodded solemnly.

Lydia, with a sympathetic nod, stepped away from her and called out to Cas. "We're done now, Cas." She watched helplessly as Cas touched Dr. Visyak's shoulder and led her away, straight into Crowley's lab. The two women kept their eyes locked on each other, never looking away until Dr. Visyak disappeared into Crowley's laboratory for good. Cas, before going in after her, gave Lydia a helpless look, the unnatural, cold look in his eyes gone. The only thing he looked was...resigned.

"Just do what you have to, alright?" Lydia murmured, looking down at the tiled floor, only watching Cas out of the corner of her eye. He nodded slowly, then disappeared into the lab as well, leaving Lydia alone to hear the first scream-the first of many-to come from Dr. Visyak.

XXX

As the screams increased in frequency and shrillness, Lydia became more and more desperate to drown them out. She knew damn well what Crowley and Cas were doing to that woman, and she couldn't do a damn thing about it except sit here and pray that Dr. Visyak would make it out alive. After a while, the screams stopped completely, and Cas came out, blood spattered all over his trench coat.

Lydia shut her eyes and she stood up, trying not to feel sick. "Did you get what you needed?"

Castiel nodded, his eyes downcast. "Yes."

"Is she dead?" asked Lydia.

"No," Cas shook his head. "But she will be soon."

Lydia shut her eyes once again, taking a deep breath in. "So now what?"

"We know everything we need to," Cas' voice, just like his face, was devoid of any emotion at all. "We need virgin blood and the blood of a Purgatory native, and we have both of those. As long as we do the ritual on the night of the eclipse, everything should work out perfectly."

Before Lydia could say anything else, Crowley came out, yelling, "Cas! She escaped! She's trying to find Bobby Singer and the Winchesters!"

Instinctively, Cas reached out for Lydia, and they disappeared almost immediately. They landed in an alleyway, right behind Sam, Dean, and Bobby, crouched around Dr. Visyak's dead body. Lydia's knees immediately started shaking and she was nothing short of terrified as Cas calmly said, "I'm sorry that this had to happen." The three hunters stood up, anger written all over their faces. "Crowley just got carried away." Lydia felt a wave of shock at Cas' complete and utter lie, but the shock only doubled when Bobby physically tried to attack the angel, only to be held back by Dean and Sam. And the look of he gave Lydia... She shook her head, listening to what Cas was saying. "I don't care what you think, Dean. I've tried to make you understand, but you won't listen. So please, go home and let me stop Raphael. I'm warning you, I won't ask again."

"I think we both know the answer to that, don't we?" Dean sneered.

Lydia watched, as if in slow motion, as Cas disappeared, leaving her standing there alone. It took a second, but she saw him reappear behind Sam, a stony look on his face. Lydia only had time to cry out, "Cas, don't!" before the angel put a finger to his temple. Sam, with a garbled cry, collapsed on the ground, face twisted in pain.

"What the hell did you do!" Bobby shouted. Cas, instead of answering him, walked back over to Lydia and disappeared with her, taking them both back to Crowley's lab.

"Cas!" Lydia screamed. "You broke his freaking wall! You might've killed him!"

"I didn't kill him," Cas explained calmly. "He'll have some serious side effects, but death, in all likeliness, isn't one of them."

"In all likeliness!" shrieked Lydia. "Cas, you need to go back and fix him!"

Cas shook his head. "I will as long as Dean and Bobby stand down."

"Oh Jesus Christ," Lydia rubbed her head, frustrated. "This is seriously not good. This might just be the stupidest thing you've ever done."

"Sorry I'm trying to stop Raphael!" Cas growled.

"I'm not saying that's a bad thing, Cas!" Lydia protested. "I'm just asking...did you really need to break the wall in his head?"

"I did what I had to," replied Cas. Lydia shut her eyes and sighed heavily, not wanting to argue about it any longer. She still had faith in Cas, but that faith was shrinking with each passing moment.

XXX

The next few hours passed by very slowly, almost to the point of torture. Lydia and Cas sat in Crowley's lab and waited for the demon to be finished with the mixture that would open Purgatory for them. Lydia had opened her laptop a few times and tried to watch a movie or two, but she was so anxious that she couldn't focus. There was nothing to do but wait, and that's what they did.

After hours and hours of waiting, Crowley finally emerged, holding a jar with blood inside it, much to Lydia's disgust. "Your Purgatory power-shake is ready. Half-monster, half-virgin. Sounds delicious, doesn't it?"

"Wait, half-virgin?" Lydia held up her hand. "You killed a virgin?"

"The girl was very sick," Cas didn't even blink. "She was only hours away from dying." Then, the angel looked back at Crowley and sternly said, "Crowley, I'm renegotiating our terms. You get nothing, not one single soul. I would never hand all that power to the King of Hell. I'm not stupid, nor am I wicked. Here are your options Crowley: flee, or die."

Crowley was absolutely livid. "We made a pact, you stupid angel! Even I don't break contracts, certainly not like this!" Cas didn't answer; he just kept on staring at Crowley, arrogance and pride written all over his face. "Boy, you can't trust anyone these days, can you?" And with that, after one last look, Crowley disappeared.

Before Lydia could say anything, Cas snapped, "Please don't."

"Okay, fine!" Lydia held up her hands. "Since you insist on doing every possible thing the wrong way today, I won't say anything. It's only to beat Raphael, right?"

"Lydia, please," Cas said through gritted teeth. "Once this is all over, you can lecture me all you want, alright? But for the next few hours, I'm asking you to stay with me."

Lydia didn't look happy about it, but she nodded. "Yeah, whatever. But you're really scaring me, Cas. Just...just tell me you know what you're doing, and it's all gonna work out in the end."

"It will," Cas insisted. "What I'm doing...it seems cruel. But I can promise you, that I'm doing this for all the right reasons."

"Okay," Lydia nodded, still not entirely convinced. "Do you mind zapping me back to my hotel room? I'd like to shower before we have to open Purgatory, y'know?" Cas nodded, reaching forward and touching Lydia' forehead, sending her back to her motel. To Lydia's surprise, she was too tired to even stand, let alone shower. She crawled into her bed and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

XXX

A few hours later, Lydia woke up with a start. How long had she been asleep? Had she missed the whole thing? Cas would've woken her up, right...? To her relief, Lydia saw that she had only been asleep for a few hours. It was getting close to the eclipse, though, so Lydia put on some clean clothes and prayed to Cas to come get her. After five minutes, though, he never answered her. In frustration, Lydia walked outside and started the hike towards the building. It was only a thirty-minute walk, but it was still annoying. Once she finally reached the building, Lydia shouted out for Cas, only to be greeted by her own echo. Lydia walked into the lab in time to see a bright flash of light. She shielded her eyes, and once the light disappeared, she could see Castiel standing over Balthazar's body, an angel killing blade in his hand.

Once Cas looked up, he seemed a bit alarmed to see her standing there. "Lydia..."

Lydia shook her head, stepping towards him in a blind rage. "You son of a bitch!" Without thinking, she shoved him as hard as she possibly could. "You killed him! Your own brother! He tried to help you and you fucking stabbed him!"

"He betrayed me!" Cas roared, showing more anger than he ever had with Lydia. "He was a double agent for the Winchesters!"

"So you killed him!" Lydia screamed, getting in his face, both of them growing angrier by the second. "Dean was right! You are way off the rails here! You..."

Lydia was silenced by the sudden, sickening sound of a slap, and she felt a pain on the right side of her face as she stumbled backwards, shocked. She and Cas stood an arm's length away from each other, both staring at each other, eyes wide open in shock. Cas took a small step towards her, but Lydia immediately backed up. "Don't touch me."

"Lydia, I didn't mean..."

"Don't touch me!" Lydia screamed, getting further and further away from the angel. "Don't ever come near me again!"

"Lydia, I'm sorry," Cas told her firmly. "But I'm under a considerable amount of stress right now, and I just..."

Lydia was about to tell him exactly what she thought of that, but before she got the chance, she looked out the window to see a thick, black cloud of smoke forming outside. She recognized it right away-demons. Then, she felt her heart stop when she looked under the smoke to see Dean's Impala, Dean and Bobby standing outside of it.

"Oh hell no..." Lydia started to bolt towards the car, but Cas grabbed her by the shoulder and held on tightly, holding her back. With a cry of mixed anger and disappointment, she broke Cas' hold on her and raced down the stairs and out of the building. She ran up to Dean and Bobby, screaming the entire way. "Get in the car, get in the car!"

"'What are you talking about?" Dean snapped.

Lydia, relentless, starting shoving the both of them into the car. "Just do it!"

Dean and Bobby looked up, final seeing what she was talking about. Bobby raced towards the passenger seat as Dean practically dragged Lydia into the backseat, barely having enough time to shut the car door before the demon smoke reached them. Lydia let out a shrill shriek as the car flipped upside down, then heard or saw nothing until she felt somebody shaking her. "Lydia!" She opened her eyes to see Dean shaking her, looking down at her, an almost worried expression on her face. "Lyd, you gotta stay with me. You good?"

Lydia nodded, rubbing her forehead. "Yeah, I'm fine." Dean nodded back, and he, Bobby, and Lydia began to climb out of the wrecked Impala. Bobby extended a hand to help her up, and Lydia accepted it, trying to regain her balance.

"What the hell happened back there?" Bobby asked her.

"He's starting to lose it," Lydia admitted slowly. "He tortured Dr. Visyak, killed Balthazar, killed a virgin, slapped me..." Lydia pointed to her cheek. "He's getting desperate. Really desperate."

Dean and Bobby were both silent for a moment before Dean asked quietly, "You know that we're still gonna try and stop him, right?"

Lydia nodded as she shrugged. "Wouldn't expect anything less." Then, she bit her lip, looking up at Dean questioningly. "How's Sam? He okay?"

"I have no idea," Dean laughed bitterly. "He's back at Bobby's right now."

All three hunters were silent for a second before Lydia remembered what was happening. "Shit, it's gonna start soon. We gotta get in there." Lydia, with Dean and Bobby trailing behind her, started running and went directly into Crowley's lab, watching Crowley and Raphael performing the ritual from the top of the stairs. Dean pulled out an angel-killing blade and threw it at Raphael, but instead of hitting the angel like everyone was hoping, Raphael caught it in his (her?) hand without turning around. Slowly, Raphael and Crowley turned around to look at the hunters, smirking as they were telepathically thrown down the stairs, Bobby landing on the floor, Dean on a table, and Lydia on the very last step.

"Bit busy right now," Crowley sneered at them. "I'll be with you in a moment." He turned away from the hunters and continued to chant at the wall. "Aperit fauces eius ad mundum nostrum, nunc, ianua magna aperta tandem!" Lydia braced herself for the impact, but nothing happened. Crowley looked over at Raphael and shrugged. "Maybe I said it wrong."

"You said it perfectly, Crowley," Castiel appeared behind them, holding a jar of blood. "All you needed was this jar."

Crowley scowled as he walked towards the wall and touched the blood on it, bringing it to his tongue, tasting it. "We've been working with dog blood. Of course." He turned back at looked at Cas, arms folded behind his back. "So how'd your ritual go, Cas? Better than ours, I'm assuming."

Cas closed his eyes, causing a bright light to come out from within him. The light started filling up the room and eventually became so bright, the other five in the room had to shield their eyes. But the light soon faded, and Cas looked at all of them and smirked lightly.

"You can't possibly imagine what it's like," Cas' voice sounded so unlike him, it was terrifying to everybody in the room. "All of them inside of me. Millions upon millions of souls." Crowley, seeing his chance, disappeared right away, leaving Raphael to Cas' wrath, all be himself. "Is something the matter, Raphael? Did somebody clip your wings?"

"Castiel," Raphael started pleading. "You let the demon go, but not your own brother?"

"I have plans for the demon," Cas told him calmly. "But you, on the other hand..." With a snap of Cas' fingers, Raphael exploded, the blade he was holding falling to the ground. He was dead. Cas didn't revel in this for long, however; he starting pacing around the three hunters, his voice still eerily calm. "I saved you yet again, you see. Even though you doubted me, fought against me…I was right all along, wasn't I? Even you, Lydia. You doubt me right now."

"That's not true," Lydia whispered. "I trusted you all the way. Just not some of your actions, that's all. I wouldn't abandon you, Castiel."

"We're all sorry," Dean told the angel gently. "Really, we are. Let's just defuse you, okay? All that nuke inside of you…it's not safe, alright? The eclipse is going to end soon, so let's get them souls back to where they belong. I know there's a lot of bad water under the bridge, but all of us-we were a family once. I'd have died for you, and hell, I almost did a few times. I dunno if that means anything to you right now, Cas, but please listen. I've lost Lisa, I've lost Ben, and now I might even lose Sam. Please don't make me lose you too. Cas, you don't need this kind of juice anymore! Just get rid of it before it kills us all!" Cas looked downwards, thinking about this for a moment. Lydia actually thought that he was going to listen, too, but the angel's pondering expression soon changed into that inhumane look again.

"You're only saying that because I won," Cas told him, causing fear to come creeping back into the hunters' hearts. "Because you're afraid of me." Behind the angel, Lydia saw Sam-she had no idea how he got here but the way he was stumbling and clutching at his head, it didn't look good-pick up the angel-killing blade that Raphael had dropped. Once she realized that he was trying to kill Cas, her eyes widened and she shook her head; she was too shocked to say or do anything, so she just stood there dumbly, silently pleading with him not to do it. "None of you are my family," Cas said icily, continuing with his speech. "I don't have a family. Not anymore."

Sam, with an air of finality, stabbed Cas' back with the blade. Lydia suppressed a scream and instead shut her eyes, not wanting to watch the man she loved die. After a few seconds and nothing happened, she heard Cas' voice. "Hello, Sam. I'm glad you made it." Lydia opened her eyes again, and watched as Cas reached and pulled the angel blade out of his back, like it didn't even hurt him. "But I'm afraid the angel blade won't work, because I'm not an angel anymore." He turned and looked at Sam, giving him a frightening look, and Lydia, for a moment, thought that Cas was actually going to kill him. Lydia stormed over to Sam and stood in front of him, blocking Cas' path to him. Cas didn't even seem fazed at this gesture; he just glanced coolly back at Dean. "I'm your new God, a much better one. So you will bow down to me and profess your love onto me, your Lord. Or I shall destroy you."


	23. The End

**(A/N)-Okay, so I really owe everybody an apology. This story is… not what I wanted it to be. It started last May as a spur-of-the-moment thing, and I liked it. But once I started the sequel…I just got more and more disinterested, and as a result, the quality of the story suffered. This is just a crappy story about an OC with Castiel. It had potential, but I just got lazy and quite honestly, I hate this story. Maybe one day I'll end up writing a sequel, but for right now, this is it. Thanks for sticking with me. **

**-Cassy**


End file.
